Lucien’s First Take: The Visit Trailer

When will people learn?  That is the question that I ask as I just happened upon this trailer last night.  It was an ad before a video on YouTube, and I immediately was intrigued.  At least, I was, until I saw something in the trailer that set off alarms.  Care to guess what that was?  I won’t give you any hints.  This is something that you’re going to have to watch the trailer and see.  When you do see it, I hope that you have my exasperated reaction, because this movie deserves nothing less.  It’s going to be terrible, but I think I’ll let this trailer speak for itself.

Another Shyamalan movie!  Why?!  Who continues to give this man money?!  Does he blow executive producers or something?  What imbecile continues to give this man any money?  This trailer takes me back to the trailer for The Happening.  Remember that piece of shit?  The movie where plants decide to take revenge on humanity?  Yeah, I remember it too.  It was hilarious.  I was so certain that this man’s career was over after The Last Airbender.  A movie that took a giant steaming pile of shit on one of the greatest animated series of all time.  But there was After Earth.  There’s an argument made that that was worse!  Where does this man keep getting funding?!  It’s a genuine mystery to me, and I must have an answer.  Although, Tyler Perry and the Wayans Brothers keep getting money, so I guess Hollywood nepotism is alive and well.

But on to the trailer..  You know the first thing that stands out to me – the creature noises.  Ugh.  This is something that only bad movie directors do.  They insert really creepy creature noises when there is no creature.  For real, the grandma isn’t a monster.  She’s just crazy.  So why have the creature noises?  You don’t think it would be a little more interesting if she was just laughing.  Not to mention – why is she clawing at the walls?  Is that just what crazy people do in movies? How I long for the days when being crazy was a subtle thing.  Oh, wait, M. Night.  Never mind.  That was his early career.  Now, he has to be so blatant as to have exposition and obviousness thrown in the face of his audience.  Repeatedly.

Next, this is another found-footage movie.  I thought we were done with those.  For the most part, those movies have been terrible.  Look at the Paranormal Activity movies.  Oh, wait, one of the producers helped make those.  Well, fuck.  Although, it could be worse.  It could be M. Night’s camera work.  Where there’s a LONG take that is so unnecessary, to the point of being ridiculous. I can only imagine how he’s going to fuck this up.  You know he will.  Let’s not kid ourselves – this movie will be bad.  The only real question is whether or not it will be so bad it’s good, or outright terrible.

There is one thing that immediately jumped out at me.  Since M. Night has to have a twist in his movies (it’s been parodied to the point of absurdity now), I think I’ve figured out what this movie’s will be.  The kids keep trying to reach out to their mother and have her come get them.  A rational thing to do.  I would also call the cops, but that’s just me.  But she keeps blowing them off.  How much do you want to bet that the twist is that the mother is somehow in on the insanity?  Like she’s totally deranged too, and she was offering these children up to these Loony Tunes?  I’d put good money down that I’m right.

And after all that, there is the bit right at the end – an original thriller written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan.  Oh boy.  This is either going to be really funny, or a complete pile of shit.  The sad part is that I will have to wait until it comes to Netflix to find out.  I’m hoping for the former.  We have too much of that latter from this guy already.

Initial Verdict
4 out of 10 (in hopes that it’s funny)

Peace out,

Maverick

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