Talking about Memory

Part of me always wanted to be a filmmaker.  I’ve studied ways to make movies, and I always wanted the ability to give it a shot.  I’m sure that whatever I would make would be a pretentious pile of shit, but I still would like a shot at it.  I even have the idea for what my movie would be.  It isn’t some big idea.  In fact, it’s a small one.  An idea that probably wouldn’t make for a good movie.  Not one that anyone who is a fan of blockbusters wants to see.  That’s not that I’m one of these people who says that blockbusters are all shit.  Far from it.  Two of my favorite movies from last year were superhero films (Guardians of the Galaxy and Captain America: The Winter Soldier).  But that’s not the movie that I want to make.  Want to know what my idea is?  Yay or nay I’ll tell you.

I wanted to make a film about memory.  About remembering things.  But have it be in the mind of someone who is getting older.  Not some Alzheimer’s patient.  Just someone who is facing the end of his life and is remembering things.  He is remembering moments that mattered to him.  I wanted to have it play out of any chronological order.  The audience would see the memories, with only some vague context, and they would judge for themselves what it meant.  The context for each memory transition would be something brief.  Like, for example, he/she sees a fish tank, then a person walks in front of the camera and you see a younger person at a fish market, at a city on the ocean.  There would be a memory, and it would then go back to a later point.  In fact, I would have the audience be totally unaware whether or not there was chronology in the story that connects all these memories.  Would that be a little disjointed?  Perhaps.

There was a short story that I wrote called “The Broken Pot.”  I put it on the site, if you go into Google, you can look for it.  I kind of like the idea of that story factoring in.  Like maybe having the woman in that story seeing various points of her life.  But that’s too small.  This would have to go a little deeper.  Like maybe have the protagonist fighting against some kind of awful thing that happened to them.  Have the last memory be a what truly connects it.  So even the timeframe of the older person isn’t the center.  It’s all worked around this one memory, of something terrible that happened in the protagonist’s life.  I had a figure skater friend who had a crime happen to her by one of her skating coaches.  Maybe have an incident like that follow a character around, coloring their whole life, and then have them realize that, as their life is in the very autumn years, they missed out on so much because of how afraid they were of how they felt.  Think that would be any good?

The other thing I wanted to do with this film was to put Akira Kurosama’s style of filmmaking to work and let the weather do a lot of the story-telling.  Or have the weather play with the scene transitions sometimes.  Like a windy day, and have hair blowing in the breeze and a camera sweep bring us into a new memory.  There are so many abstract ways that one could work with playing memory and the present against itself, to keep the audience wondering.  Make the whole film like a dream.  Is this too ambitious?  Probably.  It would probably look terrible.  I’m not a professional.  Never claimed to be.  Just some dumb kid who has ideas that aren’t going anywhere.

Another thing about my film is that it would have talking be very much something in the background, and minimal use of a score.  The idea is that this is all in the character’s point of view, so I would much rather the environment tell as much of the story as possible.  We live in an age where filmmakers just assume that we’re dumb fucks and force-feed you the perspective they want you to have.  Because if the audience came to their own conclusion, then that’s just not good.  Right?  I’ll assume that you agreed with me, because that’s how my ego works (am I kidding?).  I want this film to let expressions and environments tell as much of the story as possible.  Or, if possible, have the story from the old person’s perspective have no dialogue from the main character at all.  Have it all be just about their expressions.  I think that could be done.  Not sure what actor or actress could pull it off.  Have the dialogue and whatnot be in the past, with the present just quiet contemplation, and the audience having to guess what the main character is thinking.

There would also be this thing about the memories.  Little parts about them that would be off, somehow.  Like when you see a newspaper and the print is garbled, except for the headlines.  Or a news story in the background that has words, but the sentences are just a little off.  Because we don’t remember things exactly how they happened.  Eidetic memory isn’t a real thing.  There are people with absolutely-stunning memory, but the truth is that photographic memory doesn’t actually exist.  It’s a con that people still buy into, like that 10% of the brain bullshit

In any case, that’s my movie idea.  Think it would be any good?  I couldn’t write this out.  In written form, I know that anything I would make would fall flat.  But I think that this could work in a visual medium.  Not sure.  However, there is a part of me that always wanted to be a filmmaker.  One of many dreams that are going nowhere, because I am not given a chance by any of the places that I want to be in this world that I apply to.  Life sucks that way.

Until next time, a quote,

“Advice is a form of nostalgia.  Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.”  -Baz Luhrmann

Peace out,



3 thoughts on “Talking about Memory

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