Lucien’s First Take: Mass Effect: Andromeda Debut Trailer

It’s E3 time of year, and I’m going to be a complete whore and cash in.  But I do also mean to talk about stuff that I care about.  Because I am a story-seeker.  Gaming brings stories to life better than any other medium.  Plus, right now, I need something to get my mind off the SWELTERING heat in my part of the world.  It’s over 90 degrees in my apartment right now.  I shit you not.  Climate change is cool, until it isn’t.  Sigh.

I make no secret of how much I hated the ending to Mass Effect 3.  It was terrible!  All of my choices amounted to nothing.  All that time and energy I spent raising the perfect army of every single species in the galaxy, including the Geth, amounted to what?  That’s right – nothing!  It was the biggest slap in the face I’ve ever had while gaming.  No joke, it is still raw thinking about it now.  Ugh.  In any case, I knew that a trailer for a new Mass Effect game was going to have to wow me.  I mean big time!  This game was going to have to blow my expectations sky high.  They released a trailer, and…

This is kind of dumb.  Like, it’s really dumb.  So, you have this person, who has an N7 logo on their armor.  Is it Shepherd?  That’s kind of weird.  Especially since, if you actually played the last game, Shepherd is almost certainly dead.  He/she can only survive if they did the Destroy ending.  That’s the only chance they have.  So who is this person?  Which reminds me – when does this story take place?  After the events of Mass Effect 3?  I hope not.  Because then I have to live with those retarded ending choices in the last game.  Is it before?  When is it?

So, you’re on this world.  Why?  Is there something bad there?  What is it?  Mercs?  Reapers?  They show laser beams, and some pillars rising out of the ground.  But that’s it.  That doesn’t tell me much.  They have this overused track, “Ghost Riders in the Sky” playing in the background.  Is the implication that this game is lawless?  Was that track even intentional for smart reasons, and not just for something that some Bioware jackass thought would look cool?  But yeah, that song has been used to DEATH in other things.  It’s almost as overused as Lorde’s version of “Everybody Wants to Rule the World.”  It’s like songs are nothing but advertising tools now.  It’s really kind of annoying.

Well, after a minute and a half of nothing, this nameless Shepherd character jumps into the air and their omni-tool blade appears.  Because we have to remind you about that!  Weren’t those cool?!  Aren’t you excited to see that again?  Call me a pretentious hipster if you want, but part of me is getting really annoyed at just how pathetic this pandering is.  Same with the shot of the pistol.  Oh yeah, that means that it’s a Mass Effect game!  Wasn’t that just awesome?!

All in all, I was hoping that this trailer might at least get my attention enough to put me in the frame of mind to be willing to give this game a chance.  But it doesn’t.  I feel no desire to play this game at all.  I’ve had SO many people saying, “you’re so full of shit, Lu!  The moment you see the trailer, you’re going to be psyched!  You don’t just NOT play a Mass Effect game!”  Time was, I might have believed that.  Time was, I also was in love with Assassin’s Creed.  Times change.  Bioware hasn’t been very good for a while.  Maybe this game will dig them out of a hole, but I doubt it.  As for me, I’m not shelling out my bucks for this.  Neither should you.

Initial Verdict –
5 out of 10

Peace out,

Maverick

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