Are You Really Okay With This Level of Smug? (A response to Polygon)

Anyone in my audience remember that episode of South Park where Stan starts thinking that everything is shit and that he has no reason to care about anything?  And when his friends are doing something, he always has to point out how dumb it is?  You ever have a friend like that?  Someone who, when everyone is doing something and having a good time, has to be the person who makes some huge point about how dumb whatever you’re doing is?  I admit, I’ve been that guy once or twice.  I think we all have those douche-y days where we just don’t want to deal with the world.  But dealing with those types of people sucks.  Now, imagine that one such person writes for a publication.  A publication that touts itself as news.  Can you imagine how awful that would be?  Well, let me introduce you to Colin Campbell, a writer for Polygon, and his latest article (linked here) about Rock Band 4, which he is SO above playing. (insert smarmy accent here)

A few of my more effervescent, more gregarious, more alive colleagues in game journalism are on stage “rocking out” to The Killers. We are on the rooftop of a pricey hotel in Santa Monica, at a press event organized by Rock Band 4‘s developer and publisher Harmonix.

See what I mean?  Oh boy.  This guy starts right off with being pretentious.  I mean, holy shit.  Because a broad diction is TOTALLY the best way to appear intelligent.  If you can wow people with your vocal skills, then you are a genius!  Right?

I’m standing at a safe distance, drinking fizzy water, eating puff pastry canapes and chatting to another colleague about politics in the Philippines. I’m having an OK time.

Because you are SO above the good times happening here, right?  Aren’t you supposed to be covering this event…as a journalist?  I fail to see how your “OK time” matters in context to this story?  I’m a college grad with a Bachelor’s in journalism.  I know how this shit is supposed to work.  Covering an event isn’t supposed to be about how you are bored while the others are having fun.  Something which, I’m sure, you know nothing about.  Right?

I’m supposed to be focusing my attention on Rock Band 4, but there’s more chance of Ferdinand Marcos leaping onto that stage than there is of me mounting the boards, swinging a guitar strap around my neck and yelling “whooooooo.”

So…you’re not doing your job, and you are writing an article about how you aren’t doing your job.  Hey Polygon, this sit right with you?  This this caliber of “journalism” that you expect from your employees?

I don’t care about rock music. I dislike crowds and I dislike loud noises. I don’t do public performances, excepting “Toastmasters” which I enjoy from time-to-time, along with half a dozen accountants, schoolteachers and self-improvement nutters.

Is the goal here to give the finger to your boss?  It kinda looks that way.  Like you are saying, “fuck you, man!  I had to go to this stupid party, when I could have been doing something fun, like analyzing the cultural impact of Caitlyn Jenner’s media attention, or analyzing Faust.  I am above this pathetic entertainment!

Look, sometimes in this job you gotta cover games you don’t really give a stuff about. I played some Guitar Hero ten years ago and I thought it was kinda stupid. This is not because rock star sims are stupid. It’s a perfectly valid fantasy. It’s just not my fantasy.

I don’t fucking care about you, Colin!  Nobody cares!  Nobody give a fuck!  Do your fucking job and talk about the event that you are supposed to be covering as a fucking journalist!  Oh my god.  I don’t think I’ve seen anything as whiny and bitchy as this.  All of this person’s whining ties in to my point at the end of this article.  Stick with me.  I won’t be having too much more of this pretentious cock-sucker’s moaning.

If my grandmother, who does enjoy a good party, were here on this windswept hotel roof — instead of sitting in an old people’s home in Manchester, watching Britain’s Got Talent — she’d be up on stage, singing and yelling into the mic, mocking me for being a “boring old fart.”

I’m beginning to think that that old bitch is on to something.  Can we get her to write this article, instead of a poncy douchebag like you?

All video games are stupid, of course. That whole thing of, ‘you’re not really shooting terrorists or winning the World Cup, you’re just pressing buttons’ is patronizing and simplistic but every now and again you come across a game that has so little emotional connection to who you are that you end up standing there, gazing at the screen and saying “I’m just pressing buttons and my life has no meaning,” to a slightly bemused PR person.

Unbelievable.  You work at a publication that talks about video games, and yet you think that ALL video games are stupid.  Then what the fuck are you doing working for Polygon?!  Ugh!  This is so infuriating!  And this is all I can take of this pompous jackass!

My point in all of this is – Polygon, really?  This is the best foot forward that you have?  This is the writing that you endorse?  Really?  If it were my publication, and this crap got written, I would have fired the person who wrote it, that very day.  I also would have fired the editor who allowed it on m site.  I’m assuming you have one.  Though, with some of the garbage that I’ve seen come from your site over the last couple years, I wouldn’t be surprised if the editor is some pathetic little beta who just does whatever you tell him and gets his cookie for the day.  Because he’s a good boy, that does whatever the SJW overlordettes tell him to.

The cultural mentality facing games journalism has started to turn.  Too much corruption and collusion has been uncovered by GamerGaters like myself.  We’ve been able to see them for what they are, and believe me – they don’t like it.  Journalism has to be held to a standard.  It has to have some ethics and obligation of objectivity.  Do tell me where, in this LONG and MOANING article where the first two-thirds is spent whining about why this guy didn’t want to be there, the objectivity is.  Polygon, is this your ethical standard?  Listening to some moaning jackass?  Man, I don’t get how anyone working there expects to be taken seriously.  Not after this.  Ever again.

Until next time, a quote,

“Hey there, all you dreamers and creamers out there.  I’m gonna play a song that made me think about my impact on the Earth.  This is Stan Marsh with, ‘Hey People, You Gotta Drive Hybrids Already.'”  -Radio Host, South Park

Peace out,

Maverick

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