10 Dumb Christian Reasons Against Gay Marriage

Hey everybody!  Do you want to hear 10 dumb reasons why a Christian group believes that gay marriage is wrong, with me responding to them and exposing how dumb they are?  No? Well, too bad!  You get to hear it anyway.  I hope you enjoy.

1. It’s NOT Marriage
Yes, it is.  According to the group making this claim, “calling something marriage does not make it marriage.”  Actually, yeah it does.  Legally, you’re damn right it does.  The video also says, “marriage has always been a covenant between a man and a woman.”  I find it interesting that you are using the Bible to back you here.  Both King David and King Solomon had multiple wives.  There are a TON of instances in the Bible where polygamy is a thing.  Isn’t that a big talking point that Christards like this use?  Get into gay marriage and people will be marrying a ton of people!  Then there’s the – “let the gays marry and people will be marrying their cats and dogs!”  So yeah, this is dumb.

They also talk about marriage is to start families.  Once-again, it’s nice that you make sport of single mothers and fathers.  What, did they just not want it enough?

2. It violate natural law
There are over 140 examples of homosexual relations in animals.  Anything that happens in nature is part of nature.  This is so stupid.  But, of course, they talk again about how marriage is to make families and children.  Since two people of the same gender can’t create children, then that makes it against “natural law.”  This has been refuted so many times that it is almost boring.  Though they do add that being gay is evil.  So yeah, there’s that.

3. It always denies a child either a mother or a father
Gotta love that shitting on single parents.  That’s very Christian of you.

4. It validates and promotes the homosexual lifestyle
So fucking what?!  Who the fuck are you, pompous asshole in a suit, to say what is and isn’t the correct way to live?!  I just love the hubris of people like this, believing that they are the ones who can dictate how a person should live.  What does that say about your ego, when you think that you can dictate to people who aren’t hurting anyone and making themselves happy how to live their lives?  I thought that Jesus preached humility?  This is so annoying.  It’s so stupid.  All the guys who are making this argument in the video I saw it on have clearly never seen a vagina in their entire lives.

5. It turns a moral wrong into a civil right
How is it immoral?!  For real, let dumb ol’ Lucien know!  It isn’t hurting anyone!  I’m sure that I’m about to hear Leviticus quoted at me.  Well, if you are about to do that, then I will call bullshit, because I guarantee you that those nice suits you all are wearing are made of mixed fabrics.  And I bet you that you all have eaten shellfish at one point or another.  If you are going to dredge up Bible verses to tell me that something is wrong, then you have shot your argument in the foot before it happened.  The Bible is a terrible source of “evidence.”  It has blatant contradictions, is a story about a petty, amoral magic man in the sky, and has a ton of stories that couldn’t happen in the real world.

This bugs me so much.  I am sure that people who believe this way will bring up the AIDS statistics.  That has been the go-to thing for years.  Or there is the suicide one, that Christians help support with bullying gay teens.  They bring up that it opposes nature, but here’s the thing – this happens in nature, you stupid fuckers!

6. Homosexuals are 100% sterile
That’s not true.  At all.  While they cannot produce offspring together, there are plenty of gay men who can cum into a cup and have it injected into a woman and it produce offspring.  This is so stupid.  They argue that the infertile straight couples are fine, because they are still within the bounds of nature.  So much stupid.  They actually compare infertile women to apples with a worm in them.  I’m with TJ on this one – do they even listen to the evil shit that comes out of their mouths?

7. It defeats the state’s purpose of benefitting marriage
Um…what?  How does the state benefit from marriage…?  They bring up marriage having families.  That seems to be the crux of their entire argument!  It’s like – marriage makes babies!  Boom!  We’re right, you’re wrong!  But that does nothing to benefit the state.  In fact, there are too damn many people in this world.  Overpopulation is the biggest issue facing humanity right now.  We could use some lack of child-making.  They then make the argument that gay marriage is all about the personal gratification of two people.  So what?!  What’s wrong with two people wanting to have that union and be happy?!  Do you think that regular marriage should be about people being miserable?  If so, then I was right – none of you have ever seen a naked woman in your entire lives.

8. It imposes immorality on society
Oh fuck you, you bigot!  It does not impose anything!  Are you so weak in your heterosexuality that you will suddenly see a gay couple together and be like, “oh look at that!  Those gay people are getting married!  I should get married to a man too!”?  If so, then here’s a news flash – you were already gay!  You’re already a flaming queen.  You just don’t want to accept it.  Legalizing gay marriage does not promote it.  It just allows same-sex unions to have the same benefits and titles that a regular marriage has.  This is so stupid!

9. It expands the sexual revolution
Oh, nice!  So you’re not just bigots, you’re sexist too!  That’s good to know.  Hey ladies, do you like that you are in charge of your sexuality?  Well, there are a bunch of Christians who don’t!  They want you pregnant and in the kitchen!  Not only that, the video even brings up polygamy to back up its point.  Are you kidding?!  You talk about Christian values, then say that polygamy is wrong?!  Do you even know how many biblical figures had polygamous marriages?!  This is the stupidest thing ever!  And then they bring up the “if we allow gay marriage, people will want to fuck children and their cats and dogs!”  The same bigoted bullshit that we’ve heard a thousand times.  Buzzwords to frighten stupid people.  Ugh!

10. Be on the right side of history!
And there you have it – gay marriage is wrong because we find it icky!

So, you’re bigots.  Good to know.

Until next time, a quote,

“It’s true, light and darkness are forever.  Nothing probably goes on forever too.  But you know what – you’re not eternal!”  -Riku, Kingdom Hearts II

Peace out,



One thought on “10 Dumb Christian Reasons Against Gay Marriage

  1.  “Are you so weak in your heterosexuality that you will suddenly see a gay couple together and be like, “oh look at that!  Those gay people are getting married!  I should get married to a man too!” This made me laugh out loud! I agree with what you’ve written. The points you were arguing against are so backwards and cruel.

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