50 Shades of Rip-Off

How did I not see this before?!  I joked about it, but the truth was right there in front of me!  How could I be so blind!  I’m such a fool!  I always knew that 50 Shades of Grey started as a Twilight fan-fiction.  One of the many reasons that I think it’s terrible.  Not to mention that it totally misrepresents what the Dom/sub relationship is supposed to be like.  For example – there was no safe word.  That is a HUGE no-no in any kind of S&M relationship.  I could go on all day about the problems associated with that terrible book and how it makes S&M look like a mental problem.  But I’ll let someone else do that for me.  Here’s a link to a fantastic article about how wrong that book is.

But with the recent film being released, I went on my Facebook page and made a joke about how this film (and the book associated with it) are a rip-off of another film (and the book associated with it) called Secretary.  It starred Maggie Gyllenhaal and the wondrous James Spader as a secretary and her boss, respectively.  The two begin a very bizarre relationship and it is actually a pretty fantastic film.  Pitch-black comedy, with some dramatic elements thrown in.  When I got the trailer to the film to post to my page so people could see what I was talking about, something hit me.  Watch the trailer and see if you can guess what it was…

Did you catch that?  The boss’ name was Edward Grey!  Are you kidding me?!  Are you fucking kidding me?!  This book was so pathetically lazy that they even ripped off another movie?!  I say the film because I refuse to believe that the author ever read the book.  After all, her story started out as a Twilight fan-fiction.  But yeah, I refuse to believe that she didn’t take a lot of cues from this film.  Though maybe I am giving her too much credit.

I don’t know what it is about stories these days.  If people can’t write something original, then they will at least write something that riffs on what is popular.  Remember all those teen vampire movies and shows that came out after Twilight got big?  Now there will be riffs on 50 Shades of Grey.  The people who made Secretary should sue.

Although, the thing about these two movies is – Secretary does it well.  50 Shades of Grey will not.  Why?  It all comes down to the person with the same name.  Grey.  See, in Secretary, Edward Grey is played by James Spader.  No one, and I do mean NO ONE, can play an enigmatic character like James Spader.  For real, it can’t be done.  He has a gift at being impossible to figure out.  Whether he’s smiling, frowning, or expressing anger, his mood is always a mystery.  For a Dom character, that is what you want.  Nobody can hide their emotions like the melancholy that is Spader.  It’s one of the reasons why I am so stoked for him in the next Avengers film.  His voice, I could do naughty things to that.  Or rather, I would let it do naughty things to me.  Yeah…

In any case, this is just sad.  I always knew that 50 Shades of Grey was shit, but now it just gets worse.  The author clearly doesn’t have an original bone in her body.  That’s just pathetic.  But none of you care.  The women who are hopelessly infatuated with the story already have or will see this piece-of-shit film.  The rest will not even read this.


Until next time, a quote,

“Is it that sometimes, the pain inside has to come to the surface?  And when you see evidence of the pain inside, you know that you are really here.  Then, when you see the wound heal, it’s comforting.  Isn’t it?”  -Edward Grey, Secretary

Peace out,



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