Muhammad’s Big Change! #JeSuisCharlie

I can’t draw.  That’s always been something I’ve been sad about.  I’ve wanted to be able to draw, but I can’t.  But you know what I can do – write.  I can write well and reach a fairly broad audience.  So, I have an idea.  I’m going to tell you of a dream that I had.

The Prophet Muhammad came to me in a dream.  He told me many things.  Things that all of you must know!  He told me that he was done buggering nine year old girls.  He said that that was just “too mainstream.”  I don’t know what trends he’s following, but all the same.  At least he’s done being a pedophile.  Yes, he told me that he got a sex change, and became a woman.  His new identity is Anita Sarkeesian.  From there, he has spread a new gospel!  A gospel of how sexist video games are.  Indeed, the Prophet is very concerned about video games.  They don’t mesh at all with the values that he used to teach, back when he was a man.  I mean, have you seen the women in them?  They are hardly wearing anything!  I mean, sure, there are plenty of strong female protagonists, even among those who are dressed scantily, but it’s still wrong!
And naturally, the Prophet is a lesbian.  She couldn’t, in good conscience, not be.  Being one of those cis monsters were just too much.  She has started dating Kristen Stewart, because of the AMAZING performance she gave in Twilight.  Something about a subservient woman who obeys the one she is with just clicks with her.  She can’t figure out why.  Part of her thinks it was because of where she grew up.  That makes sense.  There is this other part of her life growing up that came with her as well.  Whenever there is someone who disagrees with her, he want to bomb them.  Part of her feels terrible about that.  After all, this is the 21st century!  That kind of thinking is outdated.  Now we have to blog and rant about our problems.  That’s how civilized people do it.
But the Internet can be so cruel!  People haven’t accepted her gospel of sexism in video games.  She keeps trying to bring up their cruelty and how hurtful it is, but everyone says that she is baiting the trolls.  Well so what?!  It’s not cool that she feels this way!  We need to do everything we can to make sure that the Prophet feels super-special all the time, just like the tender snowflake she is.  Oh, right, she told me that she’s not a snowflake.  She’s a strong and independent woman, who just happens to want everyone to constantly try and make her feel good.  Yeah, that doesn’t make much sense to me, either.
So, what’s next for the Prophet?  Well, she is going to preach her gospel to Intel, now that they have decided to join her church of Puritan Feminism.  It’s a religion that’s growing fast in the west.  Promoting conservative values for women everywhere.  I wish her the best of luck.

In summary, fuck Islam, fuck the “Prophet,” and fuck anyone who say that free speech against religion is wrong.

Until next time, a quote,

“In France, we always have the right to write and draw. And if some people are not happy with this, they can sue us and we can defend ourselves. That’s democracy.  You don’t throw bombs, you discuss, you debate. But you don’t act violently. We have to stand and resist pressure from extremism.”  -Laurent Leger

Peace out,


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