I’m not sure how to begin this. It is one of those things that honestly leaves me wondering how to feel. It’s a sad feeling, but worst still – it’s a vindicating feeling. I hate humanity. Give this species enough time and we will fuck up everything. We are a hateful species. I know that isn’t popular to say, but it’s true. Every group in society is always looking for someone to look down on. We evolved as pack animals, and whenever you have a pack, there are the alphas and there are the omegas. In case you don’t get the reference, in every wolf pack, there is one called the omega. They are the wolf that is basically used for nothing more than an outlet for the group’s aggression. They are the beating tool of the entire pack. This is not something unique to wolves. Human nature is hard-wired to hate and fear what we don’t understand. It’s a sad and bewildering part of who we are as a species.
I also get a lot of shit from Social Justice Warriors about hating women and whatnot because I don’t agree with them and tow their line. Don’t worry, this isn’t about them. I’m just saying that their statements about how I hate women are wrong. Dead wrong. I have a ton of respect for women. And if you are told that you hate women, people then infer that you hate on LGBT people too. Because that’s how it works, right? Us white neckbeard gamer types are just hateful misogynists just hate on all the womens and LGBT community. Wrong! I have stood up, a ton of times, for the LGBT community, and I recently stood up for Women Against Feminism. I say all of that, as a prelude to a story that is so awful and so hard to talk about, and one that I am desperately hoping isn’t used s as a chess piece in the game that the SJW crowd plays. I want this story to actually inspire people, not exploit them.
There was a young transgender girl named Leelah Alcorn. She was trans from male to female, having previously been known as Joshua. Leelah recently killed herself. It was clearly planned, as a blog post (linked here) was released after she died. The method of killing herself was to jump in front of a truck on the freeway. a horrific and brutal way to die, and she saw this as her only option. Why? Well, let’s take snippets from that blog post and explore it.
When I was 14, I learned what transgender meant and cried of happiness. After 10 years of confusion I finally understood who I was. I immediately told my mom, and she reacted extremely negatively, telling me that it was a phase, that I would never truly be a girl, that God doesn’t make mistakes, that I am wrong.
Of course. Anytime that there is intolerance of this kind, you can bet that there is a lot of Gawd to be talked about. You don’t hear a lot of atheists saying how awful transgender people are, do you?
If you are reading this, parents, please don’t tell this to your kids. Even if you are Christian or are against transgender people don’t ever say that to someone, especially your kid. That won’t do anything but make them hate them self. That’s exactly what it did to me.
But wait, it gets better.
My mom started taking me to a therapist, but would only take me to christian therapists, (who were all very biased) so I never actually got the therapy I needed to cure me of my depression. I only got more christians telling me that I was selfish and wrong and that I should look to God for help.
That’s right, because the best way to help your transgender kid is to make them feel like shit for it. That’s always smart, right? Hatred and bigotry cures everything! Man, it feels like all of this isn’t so much about Gawd, as it is about something more petty. What could that be…
I formed a sort of a “fuck you” attitude towards my parents and came out as gay at school, thinking that maybe if I eased into coming out as trans it would be less of a shock. Although the reaction from my friends was positive, my parents were pissed. They felt like I was attacking their image, and that I was an embarrassment to them. They wanted me to be their perfect little straight christian boy, and that’s obviously not what I wanted.
There we are! They wanted to protect their image. Their perfect fucking image. Because it’s better to look like a happy family than to be one, right? What a bunch of pricks. The whole fucking bunch. Fuck you, Alcorn family! You are disgusting people! Every single one of you! You should feel ashamed of what you have done to this innocent person, whose only crime was being different. You people make me sick.
I’m never going to have enough love to satisfy me. I’m never going to find a man who loves me. I’m never going to be happy. Either I live the rest of my life as a lonely man who wishes he were a woman or I live my life as a lonelier woman who hates herself. There’s no winning. There’s no way out. I’m sad enough already, I don’t need my life to get any worse. People say “it gets better” but that isn’t true in my case. It gets worse. Each day I get worse.
I am not one of these people who says that “it gets better.” It really doesn’t. The world is a hard place. What I wish I could have imparted to Leelah is that you get tougher. A lot tougher. You learn to grow a thick skin and become a complete cynic. Does that make a person happier? Not really. But it does make you able to deal with how awful life can get a lot better. The worst part is that I’ll never get the chance to tell you. I’ll never get the chance to say to you that there are options out there. There are people who you can talk to. You don’t have to stand alone. Hell, if no one else, I would have stood with you. But now you’ll never get to know that. Now you’re gone, and that’s that.
But you know the really ugly thing? The worst part about all of this? After their daughter died, the parent decided that they are going to release a statement too. Get a load of this.
My sweet 16-year-old son, Joshua Ryan Alcorn, went home to Heaven this morning. He was out for an early morning walk and was hit by a truck. Thank you for the messages and kindness and concern you have sent our way. Please continue to keep us in your prayers.
Unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable. You…piece of shit! You fucking piece of shit! What is wrong with you?! It isn’t enough that, in life, you made Leelah’s life miserable. It isn’t enough that you drove her to suicide because you kept using your outdated fairytale Gawd as a bullshit excuse for your fucking bigotry. It isn’t enough that you ruined this person’s life, for the sole purpose of making yourself feel better. Now, in death, you have to shame her memory again! What the fuck is wrong with you, you amoral and foul piece of human trash?!
Fuck this bitch! She tried to delete this post, but the Internet is forever. Leelah deserved better. She still deserves better. I hope she has found peace, wherever she ended up. And you know what, I can give her something better, by saying this –
Anyone who is gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender – you are not alone. Don’t buy into this “it gets better” bullshit. It’s a lie that parents tell you because they don’t want you to see the truth – that it’s a hard world and it isn’t getting any easier. But the thing that makes all of the loneliness better is when you are not facing it alone. For anyone who is out there and facing this kind of hatred, you have one ally who you can talk to. I will include links to my Facebook page, my Tumblr and my Twitter. If you need an ally, you have one. Don’t face the darkness by yourself. Trust me. I know what I’m talking about. I have been facing down the darkness for years, alone. I am still here for reasons that I don’t truly understand, but maybe it is so that I can help at least one person. If it is only one person, that’s fine. If one gay or lesbian teenager sees this blog and doesn’t take to hard way out (suicide is never easy, for fucktards who don’t get that), then that is fine. You are not alone. You have me and my split personality with you. Just reach out, and you will find nothing but acceptance here.
Contrary to what some might tell you, me and me are not a caricature. As we said, people look for those to hate. The SJW crowd are among them.
Until next time, a quote
“One story that really struck me and really got me thinking about this was, a few years ago, there was this teenage punk rocker kid, who was run down in an IHOP parking lot by a white jock and his girlfriend. In dad’s Cadillac. This boy died because he looked different and was run down by a drunk piece of shit who hated him. And had always picked on him. And it was a situation where you got six kids who got their noses pierced, and you got 30 jocks who are the popular kids at school. And they’re picking on them. They’re calling them ‘fags’ and calling them…whatever. So this things happens. This guy kills this kid and is clearly guilty. His guilt is admitted. And guess where this all-American athlete is? He’s in college. The jury felt that the punk rocker deserved to die, because he looked the way he did. And not only was he killed, but then, in the trial, he was killed again because they criticized his lifestyle.” – Marilyn Mason