Merry Christmas, everybody. Merry Christmas from the bottom of my cold and lonely heart. I mean that. While this time of year continually does me wrong, I do still have some affection for it that my addle-brained insanity refuses to let go of. How that works, I have no idea. I’m not a wizard. There is still some part of me that loves this holiday, for whatever reason. Maybe me and me are just sad and pathetic. Either way, I wish all of you a Merry Christmas, and I hope that you have the best day possible, even if you are part of the ever-increasing poor in America, since the Middle Class is yesterday’s fever dream.
However, there are some people who have decided that this holiday is not a good day. They have decided that it is flawed, and they must pick apart its flaws in order to expose them and do…what, exactly? I have no idea. And it’s clear that they don’t either. Why? Because the people exposing the problem are third-wave, Puritan feminists.
God-dammit, why do these people keep coming up?! For real, what is their malfunction?! In a recent article that Milo Yiannopoulos wrote (linked here), he talked about several examples of modern feminists deciding – Christmas is part of the patriarchy too! One of the examples he used is something I already touched on. But he also found a video that our favorite culture-critic (who lacks critical thinking skills), Anita Sarkeesian did about what Christmas songs are the most misogynistic. As always, does the context of any of the songs that she takes apart matter? No.
Take, for example, her critique of the song “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.” I have made sport of that song myself, because it is a song about a dude trying to get into a woman’s pants. He never forces her to do anything. He simply tries to convince her, over and over and over again. Yeah, he’s dedicated. But he never forces her to do anything. You never know at the end if she decided to. If you read the lyrics, it sounds like the reasons that she was against having a little Christmas-nookie is because of her family and societal pressures. However, Sarkeesian can’t accept that, and so she points out that it’s about date-rape, and how evil this man is.
Then there is the song by Mariah Carey, “All I Want for Christmas is You.” According to Anita, it’s about how women are supposed to need a MAN *insert dark voice* and that’s it. Never mind that it’s in the fucking title that she doesn’t need him. She WANTS him. That’s all she wants for Christmas. And you don’t know what the circumstances are behind this. What if he is a soldier that is fighting and she wants him home? I think Brittney Spears did a song like that a few years back. Unsure. But context just makes thing icky, so Sarkeesian…you know, fuck it. Just…fuck it.
How can you people possibly be happy?! You are taking a holiday that is supposed to symbolize love for your fellow human and coming together and using it as a way to tear people apart. You are no better than the “keep Christ in Christmas” dumbfucks who want Christmas to be all about them and not about just being happy. No, that would just be wrong!
I admit that I can get pretty worked up about stuff. Sometimes outright enraged. But you know what, at the end of the day, I accept that none of this stuff actually matters. For real, I don’t take the stupid shit I hear from third-wave feminists to bed with me. Typically, I respond to their schtick and move on. There’s too much to experience in the world to just get bogged down in this crap. There’s the rum and coke sitting beside me. There’s my kitty, who is soft and purring beside me. There is the lights on my Christmas tree. There are all those things. But these people – they live it! This is everything! This is their every day. This is their every waking moment. Well, not Anita herself. I have no doubt that she doesn’t give two fucks, beyond what Jonathan McIntosh says is important to care about. Anita is a con artist, and using him. But for people like McIntosh, how do they live like this? I would think that it would make life just so unpleasant to live, given how everything gets colored by the lens of your beliefs. Where does your happiness come from, when everything is ugly to you?
How’s about, instead of all the stupid bullshit, like keeping Christ in Christmas or how we can construe this holiday as sexist, we instead make it about what it was meant to be about – feeling good with family and friends? How about we make a holiday that is about coming together for the love of your fellow human and let it be about that? Would that be so terrible, if we didn’t get all insanely-religious about it? After all, third-wave feminism is a religion unto itself.
I don’t let faith run my life. This holiday isn’t even a religious one anymore. It’s a secular holiday. So grow the fuck up and have some fun! Live a little! Who knows you might just like it.
All that said, Merry Christmas, everyone.
Until next time, a quote,
“What must it be like in your funny little brains? It must be so boring.” -Sherlock Holmes, Sherlock