SIONR: Is Square Enix Trolling?

I genuinely don’t get how this company is still in business.  It may seem weird to say, given that Final Fantasy XV is at the top of my Most Anticipated Games of 2015 list, but there are days when I don’t get how Square Enix is still in business.  Like today.  See, they decided to do something really stupid that started as something people thought would be really cool.  At a press conference, it was announced that they are doing a remake of Final Fantasy VII!  I know, that sounds awesome.  The crowd was ecstatic and cheering.  But, when they saw the truth, all that joy turned to disappointment in a second.  It’s not a remake.  They are simply porting the PC version of the game to the PS4.  That’s it.  That’s fucking it.

God-dammit, Square Enix!  I’m tired of riffing on you!  You think I like this?!  You think I like taking a company that made games that I love and having to point out how retarded you all have been?  I don’t!  I hate it!  It shouldn’t be this way.  For real, the run of poor decision-making that has led us here just baffles me.  You delayed Versus XIII for years, which you shouldn’t have.  It’s XV now, but it could have been out years ago and we would have loved it.  You are STILL delaying Kingdom Hearts III, and what’s more – you are making more worlds for the game based on real-life characters!  Why?!  The reason that Kingdom Hearts’ aesthetic worked so well is because it went with a style that was similar to animation.  But you forgot that.  Now, you are potentially going to shill Marvel and Star Wars for Disney.  Why?

Well, I bet you a buffalo-nickel that it has something to do with the reason why you made Rise of the Tomb Raider Xbone exclusive.  Money!  After three shitty games in the same universe (I’m looking at you, FFXIII) and a colossal disaster that was FFXIV, you needed a way to bring the money in.  You could hardly stop yourself from taking Disney and Microsoft’s money, could you?  Crystal Dynamics may be a bunch of ass-kissers, but you all are the ones who had the final say to make the new Tomb Raider into an exclusive.  This is on you.  And it was done for the most base reason – greed.

But there is one thing that I have to take you to the woodshed for – trolling.  Because, if anyone watched the video of the press conference, that’s what it looked like.  How the audience went from excited to dead silent, you could see them all looking like they were about to disembowel the asshole at the podium.  Here’s a little rule to live by, Square Enix – if you treat your customers like their input and what they want doesn’t matter long enough, you won’t have customers.  If there is one thing that Nintendo has stayed consistently good at, it’s giving people what they wanted.  When Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess debuted, when the trailer gets to the end, and Link is sheathing his sword, the crowd was screaming.  I saw posts from my friends after the teaser for the latest iteration of the franchise singing about how great it looked.  Given how badly Sony and Microsoft have done this year, part of me is tempted to get a Wii U.  At least that is making good games!

Square Enix, there are three things that your fans have been asking for.  Three.  The first is Versus XIII, which you are finally giving them.  It’s WAY overdue, but it’s something.  The second is Kingdom Hearts III.  We are finally hearing about that, but that is also WAY overdue.  The third is a true remake of Final Fantasy VII.  How does this not register with you?!  It is economics 101 – give your consumers what they want.  If you don’t do that, you don’t stay in business.  Supply and demand is the cornerstone of all business.  This is just a complete mystery to me.  Much like why Capcom doesn’t make another Mega-Man, or why Nintendo doesn’t do third-party games.

So annoyed right now, so I’ll leave you with this thought – your books are doing poorly because you aren’t giving fans what they want.  How much longer can you sustain that?

Until next time, a quote,

“Michael Jordon plays ball.  Charles Manson kills people.  I talk.”  -Nick Naylor, Thank You For Smoking

Peace out,



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