So, You Want McDonald’s to Sponsor Your Religion? (A response to McMass)

With all the stupid shit in this country, like Puritan Feminists and Fox News, it might be hard to look on what America does and be like, “man, I just love this country!”  But then, you hear a news story that reminds you why you enjoy living in this backwards, slowly-crumbling empire so much.  For me, it’s because I am just so entertained!  This country is so full of idiots that it makes me always so pleased.  You’d think that I wouldn’t be.  You’d think that the stupidity would bug the fuck out of me.  For a time, it did.  However, as I got a little older and a little wiser, I wasn’t quite the shit-kicker that I used to be when I started this blog.  Now, I just shake my head and enjoy the show.

McMass ProjectSo, what is today’s show about?  Well, a preacher man named Paul Di Lucca has started an Indiegogo project that has one stated goal – buying a McDonald’s for the express purpose of getting it inside a church.  You can’t make this shit up.  He’s crowd-funding to get a fast food restaurant inside of a church.  This is weird and wrong and right on so many levels, but I’m getting ahead of myself.  Why is he doing this?

Well, Di Lucca has noticed how there has been something of an exodus from religion in this country, so he wants to help turn it around.  His plan of action is rather unique, I must say – appeal to fat people!  And not only appeal to fat people, but also get them to help you crowd-fund your project to buy a McDonald’s and get it in a church.  That is amazing.  It just boggles the mind.  While McDonald’s has not officially commented, Di Lucca made a comment that, just read it –

Will McDonald’s save Christianity in America?  Maybe not – and in fact, probably not.  But the McMass Project has the power to get the conversation started.

Only in America.  For real, only here.  Dumb shit happens everywhere, but only in America do you have the dumb shit take center stage in such a way as this.  McDonald’s is going to save Christianity in America?!  Are you fucking kidding me?!  I can’t stop laughing about this.  It’s just so funny!  What planet is this guy on?!  He thinks that this whole initiative is going to get the ball rolling on a conversation about this issue.  I keep expecting to hear that this is satire, like an article in The Onion making fun of religion and how corporate it has all gotten in this country.  But no!  It’s real!

Now, a number of church activists are against this.  Why?  Well, according to them, it’s breaking traditions and whatnot.  To that, I say – have you ever seen a mega-church?  I have.  Been in one, actually.  Those places are cities unto themselves.  I’m with The Young Turks in being kind of surprised that this idea hasn’t come up before.  It’s so perfect.  After all, religion really is nothing but a bunch of money-changers.  Only now, instead of them being in the temple, they own the damn thing.  There’s a step in the right direction, am I right?  But when you look at the metropolis mega-churches, or the Vatican palaces (both of which would offend Jesus to no end), how can you say that having a McDonald’s in a church is offensive?  That just seems like you want to preserve this image you have of the little church in the countryside, where all the women wear dresses and all men are in their finest suits and country hats.  Religion in the 21st century can’t sell out fast enough.  Since there is a large exit from the church, they are doing whatever they can to get people to sign on.  It’s getting kind of sad, really.

A friend of mine, who thinks that this is the stupidest thing ever and is annoyed by it, pointed out something interesting to me.  There is an ethical conflict in a church buying a fast food joint and putting it in the church.  See, churches are tax exempt, because they are ‘places of worship.’  I’ve always thought that that is stupid and should be rescinded, but whatever.  That’s neither here nor there.  However, if a corporate entity like McDonald’s is going to throw in with a church, how can they possibly claim that they are still a religious institute?  They have corporate backing!  If people are coming to their church to order food instead of worship, isn’t there a conflict there?  That is something worth considering, and I would LOVE to see how Di Lucca is going to get around this question.

However, at the end of the day, I am still amused.  See, if they are going to go the route of corporate sponsorship, I want them to go all the way!  For real, have the church give out coupons on stuff to people who attend services.  You can’t just come there for the food.  You have to attend McMass before you can get cheaper garbage food.  Have the preacher do a plug-in at the beginning.

Today’s service is brought to you by McDonald’s!  Because even God needs a Big Mac every once and a while!

In fact, given that I am educated in PR work, I would do the ad campaign for this!  For real, I would have so much fun promoting McMass.  Me, a douchebag liberal atheist, would love to promote this.  It’s like a tacit admission that they don’t give a fuck about God.  They just want to get people’s fat asses into their pews.  I love it!  There’s my slogan for the campaign!

God’s Lovin’ It

*any and all usage of that line is owned by Lucien Maverick and must pay royalties to him*

Until next time, a quote,

“No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.”  -H.L. Mencken

Peace out,

Maverick

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