Black Friday vs. Zombies – I Can’t Tell the Difference

So, we’ve got another Black Friday.  I also saw that Black Thursday, also known as Thanksgiving, was a thing that happened this year as well.  As I see the videos that people shoot of some of the crazy fucking animals who come out on this day to get overpriced crap for what they believe are deals (but aren’t.  For real, have none of these people heard of the Internet?), there is another group that I thought that they looked just like.  It is a group of people who are single-minded, will mob the innocent and attack anyone who gets in their path.  They are a frightening mob that we are all scared of, but only in that – what would we do if we were there sort of way.  The group I’m talking about is, of course, zombies.

Indeed, it is hard to tell the difference between Black Friday shoppers and zombies.  For real, this comparison that someone made is amazing, and hat’s-off to them.  Look at the fervor for which these animals attack stores on Black Friday.  Look at the display cases that they destroy to get to their products.  Look at how the employees of the stores run in terror from the mob, lest they get trampled by them.  And that’s another thing – you better not get in the way, or else you are going to get mobbed and could even be killed in the stampede.  Oh, and look at those women fighting!  Over what product, you ask?  Does it really fucking matter?  They were attacking each other, over some overpriced crap.  That is fucking insane.

I have worked retail before.  I was on duty during a Black Friday.  I was paired up with this mousey 15 year old girl, working her first job.  This kid was scared.  I tower over everybody, so I knew that I could handle it.  Told her to stay close.  Poor kid.  Got worse, for her.  We were tasked with the toys section.  Anybody who has worked retail knows that toys is the absolute worst, in the holiday season.  On Black Friday, it gets fucking destroyed.  You’re having to repair shelving units, it’s that bad.  On this day, for my poor coworker, it got so much worse.

There was some new toy that was out.  This was years ago.  Some little furry thing.  Can’t remember the name.  Didn’t care.  The craze was incredible.  Naturally, they sold like crazy.  This guy, who looked to weigh 500 pounds, got enraged when my coworker told him that we were out and took a swing at her.  His ham fist missed, but his giant-ass ring caught her face and tore it open.  Poor girl screamed and bled everywhere.  Face cuts bleed a lot.  I threw the guy off her and he rolled around on the floor like a beached fucking whale.  Serves his fat ass right.  Took my poor coworker into the back and held towels to her face while she bled and cried.  Had to go to the hospital and get stitches.

This is what America has been reduced to.  This is what Christmas is actually about.  It’s about mindless consumer greed, where everyone has to have the newest piece of overpriced shit and will attack whoever gets in their way.  And we just expect the people who work Wal-Mart and the like to take it.  That’s what they’re paid slave wages for, right?  Thankfully, in my state, that is changing, as we have voted to raise the minimum wage.  But still, we are now consumer zombies.  If we let people come into the store with machetes, they would kill whoever got in the way of them and their product.  That is fucking insane.

Until next time, a quote,

“I tell them I was sorry.  But that wasn’t what I was really feeling.  In the back of my mind, I was always saying – better them than me.  But I don’t believe that now.  ‘Cause now I realize that there are some things worse than death, and one of them is sitting here, waiting to die.”  -Sgt. Kenneth Hall, Dawn of the Dead (2004)

Peace out,



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