I Have a Solution To Puritan Feminist Video Game Complaints

That’s right, I have a solution.  It is a simple and easy solution, that I’m amazed hasn’t struck you all earlier.  I mean, really, how are you unable to see this?  It was so achingly obvious to me, so how was it not obvious to you?  Maybe you got too caught up in the vilification of men in gaming.  I know, it’s become all that you want to talk about these days.  That’s okay, because I have your solution, and am offering it to you for free, in the hopes that you will go out and help yourselves correct whatever ails you.

See, the Puritan Feminists are mad that there aren’t enough women in video games.  Yes, they go on and on and on about this.  Rebecca Watson has recently said that women are a far greater demographic and that they are not being represented.  Well, that’s just sad, isn’t it?  If they’re right, then this is a real issue, and we should work on it.  But how?  That’s a tricky one.  But as I said, I have a solution.  Here it is – make your own video games!

I know, right?  How did this not occur to any of them before?!  It’s so simple.  Do they have anybody who can code?  Do they have anybody who can make an engine?  It doesn’t have to be complicated.  It could be a two-dimensional game or a three-dimensional game.  But hey, they could be more ambitious.  I remember them complaining about how Final Fantasy XV has no women in the party.  Well, ladies, make a game that one-ups that one!  For real, show us men how it’s done!  Granted, that game is massive and has taken years to do with an entire large team working on it.  But I’m sure that you have plenty of women on Twitter and Tumblr who aren’t really doing anything better with their time.  Get them to help!

There are so many great Indie titles that are coming out.  You have this game about a little mouse who is fighting against a rat army.  That’s cool.  There is a game that is in the vein of the old Wing Commander franchise.  Could you do something like that?  It is now so easy to market games that this shouldn’t cost nearly as much as it used to to get out a game.  Now, I know that you might be worried that you would get bad reviews, because it’s a game made by women.  But hey, you can always have Zoe Quinn “persuade” them.  Oh, I’m sorry.  Was that a low blow?  You’re right.  My bad.  That was totally inappropriate.  Hey, who was that woman working for Polygon who was in relationships with female game developers?  Well, hit her up.  She seems eager to give good ratings to people she is…familiar with.

This seems so achingly simple, I really must ask – why did it never occur to you all before?  I can’t be the first person to pose this idea to you.  If you all love gaming so much, I would think that it would be a great idea.  Do you have nobody who can design levels?  Do you have nobody who can think of a good story?  Anita Sarkeesian thought up a game (and somehow got Jennifer Hale to do the narration.  How that went, I’ll never know) about a Princess who saves herself and kicks ass, overthrowing the government and abolishing the monarchy (yet is still a princess.  Continuity has never been a deterrent to the dogmatic Puritan Feminists).  So there’s an idea.  Why not make that game?  What is stopping you?  What is holding you back?  What is it that prevents you from actually getting up off your duffers and doing the work to make your ideals come to be.

Oh, what’s that?  You want the other developers to do it for you?  Why?  That doesn’t seem fair.  You claim that they just assume that their games are going to be played by guys.  Well, that’s not true.  These people have massive research departments who test demographics.  These are AAA companies, who have to guarantee that their products will sell.  If you’re wagering that much money on a game, you make sure that it will hit the audience mark, with playable demos and lots of beta testing.  So your assumption that these companies are just assuming that guys play their games is a little dumb.

I also hear that DICE has decided to run with Anita Sarkeesian’s idea of making the sequel to Mirror’s Edge easy.  Like, really easy.  After all, she argued that video games can be too hard, which is another reason that women don’t get into them.  That seems kind of condescending.  Of women.  Wow.  You all insult your own gender to help your agenda.  That seems in bad taste.  Why did DICE buy this?  Oh, right, so you all – who want to have other people do work instead of doing it yourself – don’t rag on them.  They want to appear more “progressive.”  Well isn’t that just special.

In conclusion – if you want more women in video games, the solution is obvious.  Just design your own games.  Or, if you really want to get ambitious – put your money where your mouth is and start your own studio!  Now that is thinking big!  It could make a whole bunch of games, just how you want them.  It’s been done before.  There was this studio that was started by three guys.  Became one of the greatest studios ever.  What was it again?  Oh, right – Bioware.  Maybe you all could get that big!  Although, this might be hard for you.  I mean, if you were busy doing actual work, that might take you away from Twitter and Tumblr.  That would just be tragic.

Until next time, a quote,

“We can do or we can teach.  What’s your pleasure?”  -Capt. Spurgeon Tanner, Deep Impact

Peace out,

Maverick

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