‘Monster’ Energy Drinks are Satan?

I’m never surprised anymore.  Ever.  I’ve come to a point where, when somebody tells me – Man, you will not BELIEVE the stupid thing that so-and-so has done!  I just sit with a blank expression and go, “no, I believe it.”  Nothing surprises me.  So when I heard that there was a video that some woman made where she makes evidence that the energy drink brand Monster is connected to the devil, I was not surprised by that in the slightest.  I’m sure that most of you have seen this video already, but for those who haven’t, here it is –

You know, if you follow the logic of these people to its conclusion – Satan is trolling.  I mean, have you seen some of the things that people find the “666” mark on?  My personal favorite was how they found that it’s everywhere in Disney.  Given how God is supposed to be all-powerful, it makes sense that Satan would realize that he can’t do much, so he just fucks with people.  Though that brings up the whole deal with why God lets Satan do his work if he is all-powerful, but let’s not get into one piece of religious stupidity while we’re examining another.

And, of course, she also find a cross in the name.  And when you go “bottoms up” it turns the cross upside-down, which is all about Satan more.  Man, it just gets sillier and sillier!  How much time must this woman have if she is looking at these cans and not only finding links to Hebrew in them, but also a REALLY forced chain where people drinking the drink makes the drink have a devil symbol?  How little of a life must she lead to be able to do that?

Then she has to bring in her prudish Christian values, to talk about how this company isn’t pro-Christianity at all.  Yes, because a company not being for your religion must obviously be in the employ of Satan.  Man, that must mean that Satan is SO rich!  After all, more and more companies are distancing themselves from religion (to say nothing about their employees, of course, but the companies themselves don’t want to pander a certain line), so they must be running to Satan and being like, “Hey man, sorry we doubted you!  Let’s have fun!”  And Satan also likes moms who are sexually attractive.  Good on him.

Naturally, though, you can’t have any pro-Christian anti-product tirade without talking about “the Beast.”  the “sign of the Beast” is so ubiquitous nowadays that you’d think that every Christian who isn’t in church all the time is part of it.  Because I’m an atheist, naturally I’m viewed as part of it.  I’ve gotten used to being seen as a heathen by the Christards.

But wait, I have a conspiracy!  Have you ever seen those necklaces that so many people wear?  Crosses.  But sometimes, they get turned upside down when these people take them off!  That proves it!  Crosses are the mark of the Devil!  See how easy that was?

Until next time, a quote,

“Just ’cause a city can fly doesn’t mean that it ain’t got its share of fools.”  -Booker DeWitt, Bioshock Infinite

Peace out,



4 thoughts on “‘Monster’ Energy Drinks are Satan?

    • And I don’t understand why a cross is always signified with religion. Crosses are symbols for so many other things – like a three way stop, but that cross is pointing left or right. Does that mean Satan is asking me to make a decision?! I don’t think this would annoy me so much if she wasn’t so forceful and unyielding in her presentation, and that’s probably what turns a lot of people off religion in general, but still.

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