SIONR: I HATE Doctor Who

I’m gonna take flak for this.  I just know it.  I just know that the Tumblrites are going to come out of their corners and give me shit for this, because man does this show have a loyal following!  I simply do not understand the loyalty of the fans for this show and how they seem unable to listen to the serious flaws that it has without getting upset.  I swear, it’s like a religion at this point.  These people know all the jokes, all the episodes, all the assistants to the Doctor, all of the outfits.  I have heard people bitching about that, by the way.  The fanbase for this show is more hardcore about their show than most modern Christians are about their Bible.  That’s saying something.  But, let me tell you something that I unequivocally believe – I hate Doctor Who.

My oldest friend, Sara, tried to get me into the show.  I sat down with her and her husband and watched episode after episode on Netflix.  But no matter how hard they tried to get me into it, I just kept thing – this show is REALLY stupid.  It’s really, really stupid.  The most evil creatures in this universe are creatures that look like a blender with a plunger and a whisk attached.  How is that frightening?  How can anybody take it seriously?  How can you, audience at home?  I hear a lot of people talk about how it’s the campy charm.  Okay, fine.  Fine, I’ll give you that.  If you like this series for all the charming little bits about bobs, good for you.  But that’s not enough for me.  I need more.  I love good sci-fi, and I genuinely believe that Doctor Who is bad sci-fi.

There are a lot of little reasons that I don’t like the show, but here is the major reason that I absolutely despise this series – it doesn’t follow its own rules and just shoehorns in whatever it wants, whenever it feels like it.  Good science fiction has established boundaries.  It can play within those boundaries, or bend them every once and a while for the purpose of a good idea, but the core boundaries have to remain intact, or else it can’t be taken seriously.

The best example for this is the Mass Effect trilogy.  Part of the reason that so many people hated the ending to the third game was because it decided to throw out the established rules of the franchise.  I mean, why is the person who controlled all the Reapers living on the Citadel?  If he lived there, then why exactly did they need Sovereign to open the gate to Dark Space in the first game?  How it is it that shooting a tube is able to send out a signal that can disable all Reapers?  How is it that grabbing two do-dads can make Shepard into a machine and let him/her control all the Reapers?  How does jumping into a beam of light merge all organic and synthetic life?  How is that even possible?  Why does the signal to do all of these unbelievably powerful things destroy the Mass Relays?  Better question – if it destroys the Mass Relays, how is everyone not dead?  I destroyed a Mass Relay in the Arrival DLC in Mass Effect 2.  It caused an explosion that destroyed hundreds of lightyears of space.  How is all organic life in the galaxy not totally dead?

In a series that had a vast codex that clearly established the rules behind its premise, when it broke those rules so completely, just to end the series, the fans were naturally pissed.  That’s bad sci-fi.  Just the same, Doctor Who has a bad habit of breaking its own rules whenever it feels like it, just so that they can have a Buddhist monk in Victorian Scotland.  Or when they say that all the evil blenders are dead, until they come back.  In fact, a lot of the villains die, until they come back.  The helpers can make amazing sacrifices, until they come back.  You know what, this is starting to sound like a fucking comic book!  For real, how many heroes die in the comics, just to be brought back later on?  How many villains die, just to be brought back when its convenient?  This show has a terrible habit of doing stuff one week, only to undo it the next, just so they can have a nice premise for another episode.  You know what that feels like, to me – lazy, lazy writing.  For real, the writers of this series don’t have any other ideas to go with, so they just bring back old stuff for sentimental value.

This show fucks continuity like a $3 whore!  And it doesn’t seem to care.  What’s more, the dedicated fanbase doesn’t seem to care.  In fact, they squee like teenage girls when they see an old element brought back for no fucking reason.  It never strikes them as bad writing.  I think that you’re the only series that can get away with it.  For real, if Dexter had ever had a killer just suddenly come back to life after we saw them die, people would think that that was retarded and the show would lose all credibility.  But you adhere to a rule that I see in film all the time – “Oh, didn’t show it!  Time to make a sequel!”  You know where I see that?  Bad sequels to movies!  It’s a trick where Hollywood filmmakers go through a movie that they want to make a sequel to with a fine-toothed comb and find all the little plot holes that they can exploit and then do so, for the purpose of making a cheap buck.  They know that the film is going to suck, so they don’t care if it is lazy.  It’s just cheap money.

Now, with this series, they do this with a wink to the audience, like they know that this is kind of silly, and part of me gets that.  For real, if the idea is not to take it all too seriously, good for them.  But I can’t just accept that wink, because it happens all the fucking time.  It means that I have to now accept that you are self-aware enough to know how dumb this is, but you simply don’t care!  How do you do that and not feel just a little bit of shame?

The worst part of all is that I can see that there are times when the series is willing to try so hard.  There were a couple episodes that I watched with Sara that I was actually getting into it.  I saw some great sacrifice and it felt cool to see, and I was enjoying it.  Only for it to be undone later on and make me think that nobody who wrote that episode that I liked cared that they just ruined it for me.

I genuinely don’t believe that Doctor Who is a good series.  I think that it is a really bad one.  However, after all this ranting, let me say this – don’t let my jaded and over-analytical opinion stop you from liking what you like.  For real, if you like this show and you think that it is just the coolest thing since pizza, then good for you.  Enjoy what you like and don’t let anybody else tell you otherwise.  It’s good that you feel that way, and I’m glad that we can all do that.  But I have never and will never like this series.  It doesn’t care about continuity and it doesn’t even seem to realize that it will have to end, someday.  The entire premise of this series is EXACTLY like a comic book.  It all just never ends.  Which leads me to this question, Whovians – is there any ending to this show that would satisfy you?  For real, let me know.

Until next time, a quote,

“When reading a book, one hopes it doesn’t turn into a painful process. Predictable is bad enough. Laborious is acceptable if the labor produces fruit. But with painfully bad writing, all one can do is grab a hatchet, slice off its head, and bury it.”  -Chila Woychek

Peace out,

Maverick

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