We’re sitting here, waiting for our dinner to finish cooking. It’s just some fries that we got from the freezer section of the store, but it’s food. Gotta love being poor, right? Watching Breaking Bad and waiting for a friend to come over so I can shoot the shit for a while and forget about how unbelievably lonely this apartment is when my roommate is gone. She’s at her ex’s place, where she will be for the rest of the night. She’ll be moving back in with him sometime in August, while I am going to be moving back home right smack dab in the middle. This is the story of the apartment I own and how it all went to pieces.
I first got this place in April. Towards the end. I was living in the dorms at the time and couldn’t have been more excited to leave that place for good. For real, I’m never going back. Ever. I’m done with that. I only have one semester of college left anyway. No point going back to that dungeon. I’m not sure if the parents are going to get a lot more hardcore about me coming back home, but I hope not. I know that I’ll have to get a new job and everything. I’m down with that. I mean to try and get a real job this time around, rather than a job doing retail. Unless I can get my gig back at the Fred Meyer bakery back. That was the most fun job I’ve ever had.
The whole thing getting this apartment was fast. Really, really fast. We found the place, saw that it was reasonably cheap and had all utilities included in the rent. But the biggest thing that sold the place to me – this tacky faux-leather couch. It was already in the place, and damn if it didn’t bring the room together. The joint was small, but that was cool.
I went looking for this place with my would-be roommate. Her and I had formed a strong friendship that has recently dwindled some due to current events that are none of your damn business. She had just gotten out of a relationship that had become very unpleasant, not giving her what she was looking for. She loved the person she was with. She still does. But that didn’t stop it from being an unhealthy relationship. It just meant that she wasn’t able to be happy in it. So, since I was looking for an apartment anyway, I thought that her and I could get one together. She’s my best friend (and one of the few true friends I’ve got left these days), and we’ve stayed in the same place together before. So, it seemed to be perfect.
Everything happened very quickly. We looked at the place, got it and moved in in a week. A couple for me, but still. Perhaps it all happened a bit too fast. I don’t know. I doubt that I ever will. But I was finally out. Out of the dorms. The day I made it official was a good fucking day. One of the best I’ve had in a while. I’m never going back. No point now. I only have one semester of college left anyway.
At first, the apartment was great. Since the two of us were cool around each other, none of the awkwardness of rooming with someone of the opposite gender was there. That was really nice. To find someone who you can be yourself around is a rare gift that most people take for granted. Of course, my current job situation wasn’t the best, and I was planning on finding a better one. After two years, I had gotten all that I was going to get from that job, and now it was time to move on. But things were good and I was happy.
A new thing was also happening in my personal life. I was gradually getting closer with someone and it was going really well. After so long without love, I was actually feeling really excited to be a boyfriend again. But, just like all the things in my life, it all fell apart all at once.
See, the roommate couldn’t handle my snoring. Because she’s an incredibly light sleeper, and I can’t help this little problem, She ended up having to sleep in the other room. The lack of sleep had her being short with us repeatedly, which was making things more and more unpleasant. Then, the relationship I had finally built fell apart in an instant. I had just changed my Facebook status and everything. But some unresolved emotional issues with the person’s ex and them destroyed things before they began. I realized too late that I had been a rebound guy. The fact that I had been unable to see this hurt. Everything was crashing around me, and then the roommate tells me that she is going to be moving out. I know that I can’t pay for this place on my own, especially with my current job situation. Trying to find a new roomie and a new job and a dozen other things, I couldn’t even keep track of it.
With everything that happened, there were decisions to make. I made mine. I am returning home. Moving back in with the parents is not something I am proud of, believe me. I was finally trying to do this adulthood thing. To grab life by the horns and be responsible. Instead, it blew the fuck up right in my face and now I was left alone. I’m alone at the apartment now. The roomie is sleeping elsewhere. I have been enjoying some Mushi-Shi and letting the sad emotions slip out of me. We also got to have a good conversation with one of our oldest friends. He came over and we hung out. It was something that I haven’t gotten to do in a VERY long time, and it was a good night for it.
I am trying not to blame the roommate. This is a tiny one-bedroom. My snoring would be an issue no matter what. And that isn’t the thing that hurts. The thing that hurts is the personal side, which, as I said before, is none of your damn business. Maybe you’ve figured it out. Good for you. Whatever. It’s like nothing in life wants to work out for me, no matter how hard I try. All the things that improved with a roommate are back. My insomnia returned with a vengeance. I am listening to the wind outside, wishing I was far away. Far away at my old bed, with my kitty, listening to the wind and able to sleep.
Me and the roommate’s friendship has survived. It’s taken a hard hit, to be sure, but it has survived. I have no doubt that the two of us will be just fine, once all this is done and we have had a chance to let the dust settle. For now, I think I’ll keep watching Mushi-Shi and wishing I was in that place, where sleep wasn’t such a burden.
Until next time, a quote,
“Maybe I’m too young to know what the world is supposed to be. But it’s not supposed to be this. Can’t be this.” – Huey Freeman, The Boondocks