Being Against Gay Marriage 101

To this day, I still hear a lot of arguments against gay marriage in this country.  With over 10 states having now made it legal, the fact that there is still such vehement opposition in places boggles the mind.  However, I have heard all the major arguments against it, which I am going to give you in a post here.  Here are the majority of arguments that I have heard against gay marriage (to date).  I shall refute them all individually.

The Bible says that man should not lay with another man, and that gay marriage is wrong.

Have you actually read through Leviticus?  If you wear polyester or eat shell-fish or have long hair and are a guy, then the shut the fuck up.  For real, if you’re going to quote the Buy-bull at me and think that that is a slam-dunk argument against gay marriage, then you are stupider than I thought.

Also, when did the Bible ever say anything about gay marriage?  I remember Jesus saying that divorce is wrong.  You got a lot of issues about that?  No, of course you don’t!  But you think that the Buy-bull(shit) saying that a man laying with another man is proof of it.  By-the-by, it says fuck-all about two women getting together.  This ties in to something I mean to bring up later about how two-faced society is.  But, according to your logic, that means that lesbians should be able to get married.  Right?

Why do people want to change something that is tradition and make it their own?

Those damn gay people and wanting equal rights under the law for marriage.  Assholes.  By the way, what tradition are you talking about?  The tradition of marriage between one man and one woman?  In case there are people out there who didn’t know – marriage has not always been like that.  Hell, even in the Buy-bull(shit), there is a lot of polygamy.  Here are a few examples –

Genesis 4:19 – And Lamech took unto him two wives.
Judges 8:30 -And Gideon had threescore and ten sons of his body begotten: for he had many wives.
1 Kings 11:2-3 – Solomon … had seven hundred wives … and three hundred concubines.
Deuteronomy 21:15 – If a man have two wives, one beloved, and another hated….

And these are just a few examples, straight from you Good Book itself!  But the reality is that marriage exists not for some religious reason.  It was started for ceremonial and practical purposes, and it still has that today.  This appeal to tradition is totally dumb.  After all, traditionally, only white, property-owning males could vote.  Should we go back. Traditionally, there was slavery in this country.  Quite a few Founding Fathers had slaves.  Should we go back to that?  Why should we kowtow to this “tradition” and not to the other ones, if the appeal to tradition is going to be what you think makes gay marriage wrong?

If we allow gay marriage, then that will open the floodgates for pedophilia and beastiality too!

I am so fucking tired of this argument.  For real, it’s the stupidest argument ever!  I could tackle this by saying that gay marriage is about two consenting adults wanting to make a binding contract and have all the rights that come with that, whereas children and animals can’t consent, therefore can’t become involved in relationships, therefore we can’t make that legal.  But in the end, that is pointless.  The reason reason why this is stupid is because – we have over 10 states that have legalized gay marriage.  I don’t see NAMBLA rolling out the red carpet or PETA getting all hyped (anyone who watches South Park will get that reference).  For as long as gay relationships have existed and been a part of public discourse, this has been a talking point.  But now, instead of it being “if we allow gays to have sex, then why not allow pedophiles?”, it’s now “if we let gay people marry, why not let pedophiles?”  Grow the fuck up, you fucking morons!

Allowing gays to marry isn’t a right.  It’s a privilege!

This is a rather new argument.  Among the Internet, where religion is not doing particularly well, there is this interesting trend to start quibbling about the meaning of words.  A rather amusing religious troll on YouTube named G-Man does this all the time.  He feels the need to redefine words in order to make his position seem smarter.  It doesn’t work.

The common argument of this position is that if it is a right, then why can it be taken away?  A dumb YouTube comment addressed this position by talking about the Internment of the Japanese-Americans after Pearl Harbor.  As egregious and constitutionally-terrible as that act was, it has absolutely NO bearing on the argument against gay marriage.  These people are entitled to equal treatment under the law for their unions.  That is not an unreasonable request.  If you want to call it a privilege, then so is your straight marriages.  You want to quibble about definitions all you like, go right ahead.  Meanwhile, me and the grown-ups will be talking.  You keep throwing your temper tantrum.

Why should we be expected to treat gay people fairly?

Straight-up ignorant prejudice, and with a big smile too.  Gotta love some people, right?  Another thing that is being tossed around the zeitgeist these days is that people should have the right to ridicule gay people, if that is what they believe is their religious values.  Let me make this clear – if I see two guys getting attacked by someone, because they say that it is their religious values, I’ll beat whoever is attacking’s head into a wall and when they get mad, I’ll say that it was my religious right to stop them.  I worship Cthulhu, after all.  And he’s WAY cooler than Jesus.

The other part of this is that the people who say this are almost-universally in the camp of – well, I’m a Christian and I get ridiculed for my belief.  So why should I have to be kind to these people I don’t like?  You poor fucking thing.  Another one of these oppressed Christians who those in power in this country go out of their way to please in order to keep the campaign contributions flowing.  I feel SO bad for you.  Can’t you tell?  You only are an overwhelming majority in this country.  It must be so hard.  Fucking crybabies.  That’s what you are.  You get told no one time and now you are screaming oppression.  I would LOVE for some of the Christians to go to Saudi Arabia and see how Christians or women are treated there.  That’s REAL oppression for you, unlike your First World problem bullshit.

Why do gay people need marriage anyway?  Why can’t they just be happy being gay?

You know, I have the same EXACT criticism of straight people.  I have absolutely no interest in getting married.  I see it as a line on a piece of paper.  So why does everyone want it so much?  For some, it’s religious tradition.  I get that.  But still, it seems so dumb.  But, in the end, none of these arguments are the one you are making.

Here’s the real truth.  All of the arguments against gay marriage boil down to one of two things –

1. I don’t want gay people to have the same marriage rights as me because I don’t like them.


2. I find gay people icky.  Why can’t they just keep their gayness to themselves?  But not lesbians.  I think they’re hot.

For real, have you ever noticed that they have no qualms about two women fucking, yet it’s two guys that’s an abomination.  There’s a saying – if you jerk off to two women, don’t try to stop their rights.  I hold to that.  Don’t be a hypocrite.

So, if you are against gay marriage, pick your poison.  But remember – we didn’t use to allow interracial marriage, and look at what we think of the people against that now.  Food for thought.

Until next time, a quote,

“I don’t ask that my opinion be made into the law!”  -Bill Maher

Peace out,



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