I’m going to put out there something that may not be popular with many people – I hated the Harry Potter movies. For real, all of them. I hate them all. They are all cash-ins that started out so-so and stayed that way. It isn’t that they are actively terrible. That would be something to enjoy, much in the same way I enjoy the Twilight films. They are all so bad that it’s kind of funny. I can even enjoy the Hunger Games films when I’m not taking them seriously and watch them as a comedy, much in the same way I did Divergent. But the Harry Potter movies had so much more potential for cool and they totally butt-fucked it into oblivion. Why? Well, there was money to be made and they had to market everything. With a couple notable exceptions, like the guys who played Dumbledore, Lupin and Sirius (if they hadn’t made his entrance into the third film so bad. For real, Gary Oldman could have made that awesome, but his presence in the third movie was not the least bit emotional, as it was in the book. He was just a cooky guy), along with the woman who played Professor McGonagall, it was terrible.
However, there came some wonderful human being who decided to take how shitty those movies were and show us how these books were really meant to be portrayed – as anime. Look to your right, and you shall see what I mean. Click on it and bask in the radiance that is that wonderful idea. Look on the brilliant character designs that actually look like what you imagined from the book. You must look on how amazing it is with a quiet reverence for the brilliant SOB who saw that anime is the PERFECT medium for this series. I mean, think about it – you could incorporate everything that was great about the books! With animation, so much more of the elements of the book series that the films couldn’t make good could come together in a beautiful way. The magic battles would look fantastic, since the use of color could be done in a much more profound way. Not to mention – we could actually get the magic right! One of my biggest pet-peeves in the third film was that the Patronus spell was totally botched! I imagined it like an animal charging from the wand. A wispy animal that would be like light and smoke, attacking the Dementors. Can you just imagine how awesome anime could make that look?!
Then there was the botched Death Eater attack at the Quidditch World Cup in the fourth movie. In the book, I always saw that as a kind of neon, terrifying light show. In the movie, it was fast, the shots didn’t show anything, and they cut out some of the dark aspects of the scene.
Which is another thing – in the anime of the books, they wouldn’t have to pander to kids! So, in some of the more sensitive points of the novels that the films glossed over to avoid pissing off more Christard soccer moms than they already were, they could show it in all its glory. Anime is still niche enough that they could get away with it. Look at Attack on Titan! That’s a series that is gory as fuck and about giant naked people who slaughter the fuck out of people. Thanks to Tumblr, it’s a cultural icon! For real, it’s almost as ubiquitous to the Internet as Adventure Time! If we can go all the way with the darkness of stuff like that, we can easily take the darkness of the books and REALLY have a go with making it actually frightening.
They could also take a hell of a lot more time out to develop characters. You could do it like Attack on Titan does with how they tell each chapter of their story. They have these little things that signify which little arc they’re in. They could do the same for each year at Hogwarts. That would work wonderfully, and we could actually go through the elements of the book. Maybe even add that change that Rowling wanted to make with Harry and Hermoine getting together! If you’re about to bitch, shut up! It’s true, her and Harry would have made a much better couple. In fact, could we focus more on her? She was clearly the superior intellect of the lot and had a far more interesting story than the others. Let’s make her a much more prominent figure. So yeah, we could get to know and care a lot more about these characters in an anime. Part of the problems with the film was that you never understood why Snape was such a dick to Harry. They had to gloss over just how hard it was for him to see Lily get with Harry’s dad. I’m with him, actually. Harry’s dad was a dick!
But the thing that an anime of these books could do the best of all – the climaxes. My biggest complaint in all the films was that it totally fucked up the third act of each story. The best parts of the books were seeing how the mystery that they were trying to solve and what all the build-up was leading to. You were on the edge of your seat as you got to those pages! I loved it! Still do, despite now having grown up and realizing that in real life, we would bomb the fuck out of Hogwarts, especially after Voldemort started blowing up our world. The movies consistently screwed it up. The third film was the worst. In the book, the reveal of Sirius Black, Lupin’s connection and affliction and the truth about Ron’s rat and who else was involved took its time. It was amazingly dramatic. The film rushed the fuck out of that! It annoyed me to no end! You saw that Sirius was angry and looking for payback, but he was still a smart guy who had spent years orchestrating his escape. He had a kind of charm about him, with the reader not knowing if he was the good guy or bad.
An anime version of the books would be so awesome! I really hope you agree, because it’s true. For real, FUNimation, if you’re paying attention – find a way to get the rights to make this series! We would all thank you.
Until next time, a quote,
“I want to commit the murder I was imprisoned for.” -Sirius Black, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban