The God of War franchise was one of the coolest and most epic games ever. It played like a Greek tragedy, except with more blood and boobs. Well, okay, maybe more blood. Greek mythology did love its boobs and sex. Still, these games were awesome, combining cool characters, cool worlds and AWESOME combat to create an epic trilogy that will always be remembered fondly for how badass it was. Not to mention that they made the angriest video game badass ever. For real, there is one rule to follow in gaming – do NOT fuck with Kratos. It just doesn’t end well. And one of the things that this game did well was its boss fights. The boss fights in these games just got better and better. With those, along with many of the smaller fights, were awesome executions. It made the experience so much better when you are able to pwn your enemy in a way that makes you feel like a boss. These are my picks for the best executions in these games. Enjoy.
10. Suck on This!
I’ve decided to name the executions. Let me know what you think. Half of the fun of fighting the minotaurs in the first two God of War games was the execution. You knock the beast over after it takes a certain amount of damage. You then jump on top and start pushing your blades down its throat. Assuming you are doing the execution right and tapping the right button, you eventually hear the thing start to choke on your swords. That just adds so much to this, since it is so dark and angry. Then, when your swords get all the day down their throat, you rip and tear, effectively killing them, with blood going everywhere. Yeah, angry stuff.
9. I Got Your Eye!
The Cyclops are among the most annoying enemies in the game. Especially when you have the cyclops that are REALLY tough and have some pretty unpleasant weapons. This make this execution that much more enjoyable. After putting the beat-down to one for long enough, you jump up its body and on to its head. Then, you grab on to the eye and start pulling. You pull and pull until the thing rips out! Can you imagine how awful a way that would be to die in real life? You’ve had your eye ripped out. You’re blind and can only stumble around in agony. That’s kind of terrifying. It doesn’t help that in the second and third games, you keep the eyes and trophies. Like the final “fuck you!” to them before they collapse and die. Ouch.
8. Spilling Your Guts
It was so nice to see God of War III on the PS3. The enhanced visuals did SO much for this game. The background battles, the awesome locations and best-of-all, some of the most enjoyable executions. The Centaur General is one tough son of a bitch. Not only that, but he packs a whollop, too. You can’t take too much beating from the guy, and you have to be fast with your counter when he charges. But, for those who do get it right, you get an execution that is SO worth the trouble. You knock away his weapon, stab his legs out and bring him to his knees. After kicking him over, you take one of your blades and then run it along his belly, literally spilling its guts and watching it flail around and die. What a way to go…
7. Your Soul is Mine!
This was one of the most atmospheric boss fights I’ve ever gotten to see. The battle with Hades is all about atmosphere, and it looks fucking awesome! The dark visuals, the epicness of Hades voice and getting to fight the man himself. He looks cool, his weapons are cool, it’s an awesome fight. You first rip out his organs, then bash his skull apart. Finally, you steal his claws and use them as Hades does – you rip out his fucking soul! For real, there are few things that can match seeing Hades screaming as you are tearing out his soul and using it to power yourself. Once it’s done, you can swim the River Styx. He’s the second God to go in that game, and it is SO worth the effort.
6. Down the Mast!
The very first boss in the very first game, and it is so awesome! I’ve always wanted to kill the Hydra. While it was fun in Kingdom Hearts II, that just doesn’t compare to this game. After you spend your time wandering the ship and dealing with some of the smaller heads of the creature, you then face the big one. The grand daddy of heads. It’s massive, it has razor-sharp teeth, and the only way to kill it is by beating the shit out of it against the mast of the ship. After you break down the Mast, you then kill it by impaling the fucker’s head on it! There’s something so satisfying about watching the dead head of the Hydra impaled through the eye by a giant chunk of wood. Classic.
5. In Your Face!
One of my favorite games of all time is Shadow of the Colossus. Something about using your wits and skill to kill the giants of that land is just so satisfying. This game also has a giant that you kill, and it is SO awesome! You meet Chronos in the first game. He has the temple that Pandora’s Box is in sitting on his back. After what happened in the first game, he is banished to the deepest levels of Hades, to suffer more for what you did. Zeus is a dick. Blaming you for his fate, Chronos decides to try and settle the score, once and for all. Thus begins a fight that REALLY shows just how old and broken this monster is. You have to burst giant boils to get ahead, you see how the chains on him have ripped of parts of his skin, you rip off the fucker’s fingernails. It’s a brutal fight. But it gets worse. After you get to the central lock that holds the temple on his back in place, you break it with the weapons you got from Hercules. This sends the spike that holds the lock in place flying up and lodging itself into his face! For real, not killing him, just lodging in his mouth. You break part of it off, then pounding the fuck out of his face and sending him to death. Man, so brutal!
4. Mind if I Borrow These?
Speaking of Hercules, the son of Zeus also has a beef to settle with Kratos. His beef is so sad that it’s funny. See, both of them are sons of Zeus, but whereas Kratos was a great warrior of Sparta, had been the God of War for a time and even wielded the Blade of Olympus, Hercules had to go through a bunch of “labors,” most of which were kind of dumb. His jealousy of his brother leads him to try and kill him in an arena, in front of his mother, to show his strength and become the new God of War. After beating his ass sufficiently, you then steal the massive gloved weapons he wields. Then, the beating begins. You pound on his face, over and over and over again. You pound until his face is completely busted in and there is just a giant pit of gore where it was. Then, you pound him through the floor and he does the dead-man’s float in a pool below. That’s gotta hurt!
3. Going Somewhere?
Hermes is one of the biggest assholes ever. Your official meeting with him becomes an exercise in patience, with him constantly taunting you about his speed and how slow you are. The guy is such an asshole that you are just begging to put the speedy little fucker in his place. And after slamming into him in a building, you get to do just that. Once you beat Hermes down enough, you then grab one of his legs and cut the damn thing off! Watching him crawl away, limping and bleeding is oh-so satisfying. At which point, you grab his other leg and rip it off too. But that’s not the end. While he is dying, Kratos puts on the fucker’s shoes! I mean, wow! It’s not enough that you kill him, you have to rub his nose in it by taking his stuff. That’s cold, Kratos. Bless you.
2. Now You See Me…
The first God you kill in God of War III, this fight is awesome! It hits all the right epic notes, since Poseidon is shielded by water. He is using these trippy war-horse tentacled monsters to attack the Titan you are using as your platform to get to where Zeus stands. It is a long and brutal battle to get him out from inside his liquid shelter. Finally, when you bust through the armor protecting him, Kratos charges in and pulls him out, throwing him down far below. Beaten down and weakened, Poseidon isn’t exactly the toughest opponent. The camera goes into a neat first-person perspective. The neat thing is that it isn’t Kratos’ perspective. It’s Poseidon’s! You are watching Kratos beat the living shit out of him. Then, after he is satisfied that he has broken Poseidon enough, he takes his thumbs and uses them to gouge out the fucker’s eyes! It camera switches back to cutscene as you see him throw the blinded and broken God off a cliff, only to watch him smack into the ocean below and die. Talk about a belly-flop.
And my favorite Execution in the God of War franchise is…
1. You Won’t Be Needing This Anymore…
You don’t get to see much of Helios, but what you do see is just so much fun. A fire-Titan is fighting him, and after you beat down a chimera, you then take a giant bow and use it to shoot the chariot that he is riding on out of the sky. But that’s not the end. Horrifically wounded, his guards come in to shield him. You can’t break through that shield, but luckily, a cyclops shows up and you learn how to control its limbs so you can have it do the heavy lifting for you. After a brief interrogation, Kratos determines that Helios’ value has run out, which prompts him to grab on to the head and start pulling. He puts his foot on the man’s shoulder, pulling harder and harder and harder. Eventually, Kratos rips the head off. For real, you see pieces of his neck hanging from it. But that isn’t even the worst thing. After ripping his head off, you keep it on you. Whenever you come across a dark space that you can’t see in, you can whip Helios’ head out and use it as a flashlight. Talk about desecrating a corpse.
So, what is your favorite execution in the God of War games? Let me know in the comments section below. Also, click that like and check out my About page for my Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr page.
Until next time, a quote,
“Of all the lives you should worry about, Helios, mine is not one of them.” -Kratos, God of War III