Video Game Confessions: Jack

Being a journalism major, and a future journalist, suffice it to say that I get around.  In my travels, I have met some of the most insane characters!  These are the kinds of people that most nerds only dream of seeing, and I have gotten to meet, in the flesh.  And, seeing as how it is late, there is soft jazz music playing, and I am feeling all deep and introspective, I thought that I would tell you one of my stories now.

I’m not a coffee person.  Really, I hate the stuff.  It’s bitter and tastes kind of dull.  And don’t start with me that I need cream and sugar and the like.  It doesn’t help.  Ever.  It’s still terrible-tasting coffee.  I ended up in a coffee shop to meet a friend.  We talked for about an hour and then she had to go and get some stuff from the dry cleaner.  That was nice.  Short, but sweet.  Never take good conversation for granted.  You never know when it’ll up and disappear.

JackIn any case, right as I am about to leave, I catch sight of someone who I never believed that I would mention – Jack!  Her real name is Jacqueline, but I care too much about my family jewels to use that when talking to her.  I have no desire to be turned into a small stain on the floor, and ceiling.  She was sitting and writing something in a notebook she had.  I walk over and introduce myself, telling her that I am a huge fan.  By now, she had heard my reputation as the person who gets the stories of these neat characters out, and so she offered for me to sit and have coffee with her.  I told her that I was fine, and asked her what she was working on.

“Working on some new poetry.”

That caught me off-guard.  “Poetry.  Really?  Never would have pegged you for that type.”  She actually smiles.

“Well, you gotta get all the emotional shit out somehow.  I tried the whole talking-to-a-therapist schtick, but that didn’t last.”

“Why?” I ask.  A dark smile comes to her face.

“Well, the man was bitching about his life and about how unpleasant things are with his wife, so I figured, why not just end his problems?  Seemed like the rational thing to me.”

Part of me wasn’t surprised, given Jack’s reputation.

“And naturally, the police are all annoyed, so I have to kill them too.  And then they try and get the military involved.  It just got really ugly.  So, a therapist clearly isn’t for me.”

She kept writing in the notebook, and I couldn’t help but notice that the smile on her face got bigger.  “So, why poetry?  I thought that you had tattoos as your means of telling your story.”  She looks up at me and nods.

“Oh yeah, but I’m kind of running out of places for new work.  I have tattoos literally everywhere.  For real, there is not one single part of my body that doesn’t have tattoos on it.”

That got my attention.  “Not one part?”  She winks at me.

“Not one.  It got kind of nuts for a while.  So yeah, I needed a new outlet.  Killed the therapist.  Tali suggested that I do something with my hands.  That ended in a lot of blood on the walls.  I tried to paint, but that ended with a lot of blood on the canvas.  I mean, it’s not my fault that the fucking teacher was annoying!  She didn’t shut the fuck up!  I was about to lose all hope when I came across this book.”

She holds up a book with a picture of a man being mutilated.

Apparently, this book has poetry that isn’t for little pussies.  It’s dark, violent and gruesome.  Been reading it for weeks.  But sometimes, it is also kind of good on the feels, you know?  Like, I can read it and feel pretty good about my day.  So I decided to try and write some.  It’s been going pretty well for me.”

This was some cool knowledge.  I looked down at the paper and asked, “What do you write about?”  She hides it from my gaze, looking a little shy.  Kind of a cute look on her.

“I was writing about Ho-oh.”

That got my attention.  “Ho-oh?  You mean the legendary bird and fire-type Pokemon?”  She nods gleefully.

“That’s the one!  I love it!  It’s got beautiful feathers and is so big!  I could fly it up in the sky, looking down on the world in all of its majesty.”

The look in her eyes, it was touching.

“And then I could burn it all to the ground and kill everyone.”

My eyes went wide.  “Wait, seriously?!  You’d kill everyone?!”

“Hell yeah!  I would go from city to town, unleashing streams of death on the people!  It would be beautiful!  Watching all the little people cry and beg and run in terror!  Watching everything cook and die!  And I wouldn’t stop there!”

I feel like I’m about to shit my pants.  “Where else would you go?”

“I’d steal a cruiser from the Alliance, load up Ho-oh and then go to all the big worlds and do the same thing.  For real, Palaven, Thessia, Surkesh, Rannoch, even the Citadel!  I’d burn it all!”

Part of me just needed to ask, “Why?  Why kill everyone?”  She just shrugs.

“Hey, why the fuck not?  It would be the ultimate makeover for the galaxy.”

“But, didn’t you fight the Reapers?!”  She just smiled at that question.

“Yeah.  Didn’t want the competition!  If all of civilization is going to die, I want it to be because of me!  Me and Ho-oh would bask the beauty of all the worlds, while turning their surface into a charred wasteland of death!”

She was writing faster now, looking so excited.

“Yeah, it would be great.  Oh, snap, I gotta go.  Going to meet up with Sheik.  He says that he wants to have a drink.  Nice guy.  A lot like some of my closer girly-mates.  Kind of weird.  Anyway, see ya later!”

As she leaves, I sit there, looking at my drink.  Why is it that so many of the characters I meet are violent whack-jobs?  What is it about them that makes them want to kill people?  Is it us?  Are the players to blame for their violent sides?  I don’t know.  I may have to ponder this for a while.

Peace out,



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