The Reindeer

The snow had stopped, which was a boon to the young detective who was arriving at the scene of the crime.  It was a very quiet affair.  Most people were in their houses.  The scene was a suburban road.  The kind of wealth that made them have beautiful shimmering houses.  Indeed, the entire neighborhood was lit up.  The car stopped just outside of the tape that was cornering off the scene.  There was a blanket over the victim.  Some numbers places where clues were.
As he got out of the car, a number of things struck him as odd.  The first was – no skid marks.  If this was a hit-and-run, why was there no evidence of a car.  There was almost no evidence marking at all, and what they had was bare-bones.  Something was wrong here.  His partner caught sight of him and ran over.
“You picked a hell of a night to drop this on me, Jack!  I was enjoying Christina getting drunk at the party down at the station.”
His partner was an older man, with a rather amused look.  “Seriously?!  You do realize that she loses all control when she’s drunk, right?”
“Why the fuck do you think I wanted to be there?!  I remember the party last year, where she was dancing naked on the copier machine.”
“You’re a lonely man, Frank.”
He rolled his eyes.  “I’m a cop in this town.  I might as well have ‘piece of shit’ labelled on my forehead.  Besides, seeing her get funky is the only gift I’m getting this year.  Might as well let me enjoy it.”
His partner shook his head.  “Well, sorry to ruin your fun, but we have a case.”
“So I see.  What do we know?”
The man took out a notepad.  “Well, the victim is a Caucasian, elderly female.  Name is Eleanor Rigby.  She came from a family gathering just down the road.  Her house is not too far away.  According to the family, they had asked her not to leave, but she was rather intoxicated.”
“That’s an understatement!” a young woman yelled from the body.  She was an EMT, and the two knew her to be quite the perceptive mind.
“What do you mean?” Frank asked.
“Her blood-alcohol levels were almost four times the legal limit!  At her age, she should be a push away from the grave!  How she was walking at all is a miracle of evolution.”
The two cops chuckled, looking back at their notes.
“So, what’s the cause of death?”
The EMT pulled back the blanket.  Her outfit was clearly smashed by something.  “You’re gonna like this.”  She lifted up the back, showing huge bruising around what appeared to be animal tracks.  “Cause of death was internal injury, following an impact at high speeds.  For real, whatever did this must have been really flying through the snow, because her bones are crushed where they hit!”
The younger detective looked around.  “I don’t see any animal tracks.  And what the hell did this?  Those prints are WAY too big to be a deer.  We ain’t got any moose this way.  An elk?”
The older detective gave him a look.  “Do you really think that an elk would be wandering around richville and nobody would think to call the police?”
The EMT shook her head.  “I don’t know, guys.  Ain’t no marks anywhere of an animal here.  It’s like whatever hit her just up and vanished.”
They all sat there, looking at the body.
“So, what, did Santa Claus and his reindeer just smash into her and ditch?  Do we have a sleigh-and-run?”
Both the EMT and younger detective chuckled.
They saw the family looking at the body from the tape.  The grandfather appeared to be in high spirits.
“Well, he certainly seems happy.  Motive for murder?”
The others looked at him.
“Like we could get anything from that.  This case is fucking weird!”
The younger detective let out a sigh.  “Alright, I’m calling it.  This was an animal attack.  Any potential evidence was lost in the storm.  Unless either of you can give me something more, I want to clear this case and be done with it.  Plus, it’s weird to have a dead body in the middle of the street on Christmas Eve.”
The older detective gave him another look.  “No way that the coroner would buy this!”
He snorted.  “Are you kidding?!  The girl who’s working there tonight is the most lonely person on the planet.”
The man smiled at his partner.  “Hey, maybe there’s a potential gift for Christmas.  Head on down and see her.  See if you can’t stuff your stocking.”  There was a wink.
“She’s barely out of college!  Talk about cradle-robbing!”
“Hey, she’s cute, lonely and probably looking for a way to make the hours go by faster.  I say, you got nothing to lose.”
Frank nodded, smiling.  “What do I have to lose?  What about you, man?  What do you have planned?”
He pointed to the ring on his finger.  “Unlike some people, I’ve got a wife!”
He looked at the EMT.  “You?”
“I got a boyfriend.  You’re on your own.  Good luck with the coroner.  I hear she’s kind of a freak!”
That got him smiling.  “I got no problems with that.”  They loaded the woman into a body bag, putting her on a stretcher and putting her in the ambulance.

He got to the station and suddenly got a text message.
Tell her that you’re into Ouran High School Host Club.  It will peel her panties off.  Sorry about the mess.  Fucking Rudolph! -SC
The man burst out laughing, rolling his eyes.  But it was still good advice.  It did turn out to be a very good Christmas after all.

Merry Christmas, one and all!

Peace out,



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