There have been a lot of good women who had done amazing things with film. I am a guy, and even I am sometimes entranced by a female lead in a romantic film. It’s happened. I loved, and still love Chocolat. Mostly because of the fact that chocolate and atheism wins over religious stupidity, but hey, there have been worse reasons to love something. But, the fact is that where there is a really inspiration and really good female lead, there are some awful, and I mean god-awful female leads that just make you want to hang yourself!
Here is my list paying tribute, along with wishing death, for all the female leads who just annoyed the living shit out of me! And hopefully most of all of you too!
10. Elizabeth Swann
Pirates of the Caribbean
Okay, this is a character who really served no purpose in these films. In the third film, they tried to make her a kind of badass character, but after having been nothing more than a whiny damsel in distress for the first movie, and just fucking whiny in the second, it was too little, too late. She brought nothing of any value to the story, and the fact is that she actually took away from the quality of the films. In the first movie, she was just a romantic who had a kink for pirates. In the second, she was a back-stabbing bitch, and come the third, not only was she not sorry for her actions, but she manipulates even more people! She even cheats on her dream guy and then basically says, “I’m a cheating whore, marry me!” And of course, the dumbass did, even though he saw her cheating on him. I am not all the much of a fan of Keira Knightley. She is boring, predictable, and really not good at showing any emotion that wasn’t just grading on your ears. Here is a character who should have gone down with the ship.
9. Lisa Cuddy
Here is a character who was cast looking for one thing, and what they got was something else altogether. Cuddy is supposed to be the inevitable love-interest of Greg House, the title character. It was so obvious that she was going to get with him, but by the time they got there, we really just didn’t care. She was annoying, really annoying. Her voice was annoying, her pathetic attempts to look like she cared about what was going on was annoying, and most of what she did the entire series was bitch about pointless junk. It got really nerve-grating after a while to listen to her whiny tone of voice ragging on House for things that we all knew he was going to do! She was never all the interesting to watch, and she never left a lasting impression. All in all, she was a dean of medicine who seemed to be a part of the wallpaper.
8. Irene Adler
Sherlock Holmes (2009)
Now, this incarnation of this character in-particular was so unbelievably annoying. I have never had any real love for Rachel McAdams. In this movie, we all found out why. Not only was she a disgrace to the character that she was meant to portray, but every word that came out of her mouth, along with the pathetic attempts to mess with people just left you feeling like somebody was scratching their nails on a chalkboard. The character of Irene Adler is supposed to be cool, classy, sexy, smart. The Adler in this movie sounded like a blonde bimbo who just happened to get lucky in her life. Nothing about her character ever implied that she had a great deal of intelligence. Had it not been for Watson saying that she had gotten the better of Holmes, I never would have believed that she would have. She just seemed to be a whiny hussy who just bitched and got captured a lot. A disgraceful performance of what is supposed to be a cool character.
7. Asuka Langley Soryu
Neon Genesis Evangelion
Here is another character that I get what they were trying to go for, but the end delivery was just ANNOYING! She was supposed to play the really gung-ho pilot what was in love with herself, but all that narcissism was just a defense mechanism to hide some really serious self-esteem and mental issues. She was also supposed to have a love-hate relationship with the main character, Shinji. On the surface, that all sounds really good. It all sounds like it would be kind of fun to watch. But it is the delivery of this character that sinks that boat incredibly fast. Both the original and the dubbed version are equally annoying. She whines and bitches about everything. By the time they finally do decide to develop her, you want to sew her whiny mouth shut and keep hoping that she is going to die. They did make her compassion towards Shinji look believeable, but that was the only saving grace of a character who was supposed to bring some pretty substantial subjects to the table, and instead brought a prima donna attitude and no substance.
6. Elizabeth Bennet
Pride and Prejudice (2005)
Another role where the delivery is not only a million times different than the source material, but it is also killed by the person playing it. In the novel, Elizabeth is a smart, clever, witty, charming, but still kind of judgmental woman. In the BBC miniseries, they captured this rather well. However, in the film, she is as much of a whiny prima donna as Asuka is. And the performance of Keira Knightley just makes what was supposed to be a character that we all saw as defying societal norms just seem like a whiny little bitch who should just get with the guy so we can all hear her stop talking. I know people who just love this performance, but what is there to like about it? Knightley is just so terrible! She complains, bitches, never seems to do anything of merit, and never shows any sign of being very smart. She is just another prima donna who we all want to strangle!
5. Relena Peacecraft
Here is a character who brought absolutely nothing to the table. I mean, I guess that maybe she was supposed to be one of the main male lead’s love interest, but all of the interactions that are had with her hinting at there being an attraction are really just blown away by the fact that she is so annoying! I compare it to Winry Rockbell in Fullmetal Alchemist. She was a little annoying, but her attraction to Edward Elric was clear, and while they could have stood to develop it more, you got very strong indications that she cared about him, probably even was in love with him. It added to the story. Relena, on the other hand, isn’t a whiny prima donna, she is just pouty. She is always crying about peace. Peace this, and peace that. It took away from the greater tragedies that were unfolding in the series when we had to go and listen to her talk about how great peace is, and how bad war is. She never looks at the greater societal issues, or examines what gets us to fighting, just talks about how fighting never solves anything, which is bullshit. She could have been erased from the show, and it wouldn’t have been much of a loss. Peace never got her anywhere but in trouble, only to be another dumbass in distress.
4. Faye Valentine
Here is a character who I am actually a little torn about. Granted, she is on this list because she REALLY annoys, but there were times when she actually brought something to the table, and she was kind of cool to watch sometimes. But she was annoying. From the moment she gets with the crew of the Bebop, she is a whiny prima donna who does nothing but rob them, then comes back to them later and basically gets not attacks or even having them angry at her. The crew treats her like an annoying house guest, even when she steals from them, attacks them, vandalizes their property, cheats them out of money, and at one point tries to kill them. The lack of aggressive response to her actions is just nerve grating, and after a while, you really start to wish some serious death upon her person. Add to that the fact that she is hardly developed at all. One could make the same argument about Ed, but she is a teenager. Not a lot of development is needed, because she is young, and she played her role rather well. With Faye, she was just an annoyance who helped with the plot every now and again. I would have blown her brains out, but that’s just me.
3. Willow Rosenberg (early in the series)
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Now, I think it is really important to point out that this character became a hell of a lot cooler later in the series, when she got some real power, and some real dilemmas. But when it started, she was just the nerdy and annoying friend of the annoying title character. Honestly, I was tempted to put Buffy on here, because she is really a pain in the ass, but the fact is that while Buffy was annoying, she actually served a purpose. For the first three seasons (well, up until close to the end of the third), all Willow did was get in trouble, and get saved. She had no skills, no talents, no real use for anything. For that matter, neither did Xander, but he’s a guy, and we’re talking about the ladies. You can bet that when I do the male equivalent, he will be on that list. But for the most part, up until the fourth season, she just kind of got on my nerves. This show kind of sucked until the third season, when it got a pretty badass villain, and it actually took itself serious. Joss Whedon had a bad habit of making shows that are great on paper, but the delivery is crap. He’s a good writer, but a lot of his shows suck. Go figure. And annoying characters like Willow didn’t help. If you want to see the really good parts with her in it, watch when she is evil at the end of the sixth season. I really wish that had gone more of somewhere, but oh well.
2. Rita Bennett
I don’t think that anybody liked this character. I think Julie Benz is a terrible actress. She has butchered every single performance that she has ever done, and this one was the worst! In this series, you get to see why she is such a terrible actress, and why this character is just so awful! She is manipulative, a complete prima donna, whiny, bitchy, and whenever she doesn’t get her way, she treats everybody (including her own children), like shit. I get the idea, that she was supposed to be Dexter’s connection with his decency, but he never seemed to particularly care, and the audience hated her. The best moment in the show was the one where she died! I remember all my friends and I cheering! We started drunken song at the death of Rita. She brought nothing of substance to the series, and the performance was just awful. Love the show, hate the girl. It is good that she died. Ironically, every single aspect got better with her death, even her annoying kids!
And the number one leading lady who just annoying the living shit out of every single person is…
1. Bella Swan
I’ve already covered the pathetic, whiny, spineless, and boring character from the books. Here, I am going to focus on the character in the films. There has never been in teenage cinema a character more selfish, dependent, uncaring, manipulative, narcissitic, pretentious, stupid, and whiny little bitch before! The worst part about all of the horrible qualities of her character is that it wasn’t intentional. They wanted Bella to represent any teenage girl. But that isn’t what happened. She’s the real vampire of this series. She doesn’t have a single problem in the world, yet bitches about how tortured she is. She gets a crush on a guy, and at 17 decides that she is in love and wants to marry him. Yes, because we all know exactly what we are supposed to do at 17, right? Wrong! When the loser boyfriend Edward dumps her in order to save her, she then manipulates him by putting her life in danger, over and over, just so he’ll notice her. Manipulative much, bitch?! She jumps off a cliff to get his attention! Not only that, but it is a horrible lesson to give to the dimwitted throng of teenage girls who admire this shit.
And when Jacob, a guy who actually seems to care about her and want to take care of her gets involved, she dumps him for the guy who treated her like shit, just so she could use him! A war starts all because of her, and when all these people are fighting to protect her, she doesn’t care! She doesn’t give a shit! And when she finally pressures Edward into marrying her, she then fucks around with Jacob! And this wasn’t the first time she cheated on her guy with him. This girl is not only scum, she’s a slut! What do girls like about her? She isn’t a hero, she’s a villain. And she is a horrible lesson to give to teenage girls about what a teen girl is supposed to be. Mothers, tell your daughters to avoid these films, and the books too, at all costs. They are fucking dumb!
Until next time, a quote,
“Alice. You’ve disappeared. Like everything else. Now who else can I talk to? I’m lost. When you left, and he left, you took everything with you. But the absence of him is everywhere I look. It’s like a huge hole has been punched through my chest. But In a way, I’m glad. The pain is the only reminder that he was real. That you all were.” -Bella Swan