White Pride: Pwnage

Okay, so I got to hear about a concept that happened in Canada.  In Canada, for crying out loud!  Canada, the country that is synonymous with being good-natured and good people.  It is basically a metaphor for everything that America could be doing right.  At least, that is what I had thought.  Now I have gotten a new picture of Canada, and it kind of creeps me out.  But before I get into that, let’s talk about a concept for a few minutes.  The concept is called “White Pride.”  A term so stupid that I actually feel a little bad for how dumb the people who buy into it must be. 

White Pride is defined as being proud of the fact that you skin color is white.  It sounds simple enough.  I guess in some sense, it is simple enough, but let’s delve a little deeper.  It is a slogan that has been commandeered by white supremacists and neo-Nazis.  It is basically believing yourself to be a better person because you have the skin color of pale.  I guess it is kind of simple.  Simple, and pathetic.

There is nothing about the fact that a person is white that makes them any better than people who aren’t white.  Their reasons are all dumb, and racist, and all pathetic.  And after you hear me out, should you be a person who believes in White Pride, please comment, so I can pwn you individually.

Terms like Black Pride, and Gay Pride actually have a meaning.  They are a minority, and are still treated with disrespect by large portions of society.  I remember at the lecture I went to with John Corvino, when he addressed the fact that the war against the LGBT community is still going on just as strong, just now it goes on in the shadows, and because we don’t see it as much, we tend to believe that it’s over.  If the fact that gay and lesbian couples can’t marry in most states shows anything, it’s that the war isn’t over.

When a minority takes pride in their community, it is seen as a symbol.  It is showing that they are not ashamed to be who they are, and won’t allow themselves to be talked down to by people who hate them just because of how they are born.  If only the human race was smart enough to take to heart Martin Luther King Jr.’s words about how people should not be judged by the color of their skin, “but by the content of their character.” 

But when the majority, the white majority, takes pride in their community, it is a slap in the face of all that the minorities stand for by saying that they are proud of who they are.  But more than that, it is just plain dumb.  Take a look at the White Pride march in Canada.  Sure, the event was a small turnout, but that doesn’t make it any less dumb.

I have heard left and right some of the stupid bullshit that comes out of the mouths of people who have “pride” in their whiteness, but don’t want to be called racists.  Anybody remember the Tea Party?  They have had a whole lot of people who don’t want to be called racists, but say so much stupid racist bullshit.  Remember that “letter” that the unofficial leader of the Tea Party sent to the deceased Abraham Lincoln?

The sad fact is that no matter how much people in this country vehemently hate white supremacists, they don’t take the message.  They keep giving us more cannon fodder for proving how bigoted and hateful they are.  And it is so dumb.  A Tea Party member was quoted as saying, “how long are we going to have to keep paying for slavery?  How long before they (black people) get a job and start taking care of their families?”  He thought himself very clever, I think.

So, let’s give some more examples of how dumb White Pride is.  Anbody remember all the signs that were up at the Tea Party rallies comparing Obama to Hitler?  Yeah, not racist.  I heard a man the other day saying that all the immigrants in this country should just be killed outright. 

But for a moment, let’s take a long look at the argument about how much better white people are.  Anybody remember that photo taken at a KKK lynching in Texas?  Where the group didn’t even try to hide their faces from the crowd, and seemed proud to be there?  Yeah, great things that white people did.  A white man with the ideal that his breed of people, blond-haired and blue-eyed and Christian, were better than any others, and so all others, especially Jews, must be killed.  That bastard still has a following, even today.

White people, when we came over to this country, to clear out the natives in areas that we wanted to put our colonies, gave them blankets that were infected with smallpox to wipe out the population.  Quite effectively, too.  The white people engaged in the massive slaughter in 1480 because a group of people worshipped Allah.  White people enslaved and brutally massacred the Indians when Columbus came on over to America because he wanted to find gold, and there was none to find. 

White people really have no room at ALL to talk about how superior they are to another group of people.  The list of the horrible shit that white people have done to other ethnicities in the name of them being better people could just go on and on and on, and it is not something that people want to hear about.

But what scares me is that so many people cheer that kind of sickness.  There are a lot of people in some places who just think that that kind of thing was just tops- killing innocent people for no reason, using biological warfare to ethnically cleanse a population, killing massive groups of people because they worship a different god than you.

The fact is that White Pride means nothing.  It is just a bullshit term used by people who think that they somehow are being oppressed and deserve to have a pride event named in their honor, when the truth is that they are more closer to deserving getting kicked in the nuts for being complete pieces of shit who are so blind to their own hatefulness that they don’t see how full of shit they actually are. 

White Pride is simply ignorance, and people embracing ignorance.  It is people who don’t want to think too hard, and want to believe that they are better.  It’s very similar to religion, and ironically connected to religion in a lot of cases.

And for those of you who want to give me an argument for why White Pride (I capitalize because it is a proper noun for a concept, and for no other reason) is correct, please hit me.  Give me your best shot, and I’ll pwn you into obscurity.

Until next time, a quote,

“There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, “When will you be satisfied?” We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality.”  -Martin Luther King Jr.

Peace out,


Conservatives Hate Freedom

Okay, so, I recently read an article in the Anchorage Daily News.  It was a rather disturbing article about something that an actual politician in this state has come up with- making sex before marriage a crime.  This sentiment was carried by one of Gov. Parnell’s appointees, Don Haase.  Haase believes that both extra-marital and pre-marital sex should be a crime.  He of course said that it should be left up to the voters (very important), and that he wouldn’t want to see it be a felony.  That’s great, having sex in a relationship outside of marriage would be a misdemeanor.  Ladies and gentlemen, this is fucking crazy!

It also brings me to the point of this article- the conservative elements of this country hate freedom.  They hate it.  They hate everything about it.  They hate it that we don’t have lock-step in this country toward their ideals.  Let me give you proof.  A good journalist always has proof of his arguments.  Let me begin by a concept I brought up in my last article (before this weeks) in the newspaper, The Northern Light, for which I am a political commentator. 

In case any of you didn’t catch the endless series of bullshit that came from the right in this country after the protests about cutting the collective bargaining rights of unions, let me fill you in.  There was a tidal wave of conservative rhetoric about how the protestors were “thugs” and looking to “pad their own wallets.”  Lee Doren said that the Tea Party had never done anything that thuggish.  There was a big consensus among the conservatives that these unions didn’t even deserve the right to exist at all, much less protest for their dumb bargaining rights.  Doren said that these protests were the reason that FDR didn’t want government funding for unions.

Let’s get a rather recent example.  The House of Representatives recently voted to cut funding for NPR.  Interesting, because without NPR, PBS, and the like, only 6 major corporate entities control ALL of the media.  Apparently, not having the independent option is just kudos to these parasites. 

Then there was another piece of legislation that has been tossed around- making miscarrying a felony!  For real, there has been talk in Georgia about making it a felony that is punishable by DEATH!  Abortion is in the same law that was proposed, but that means very little in context with this.  Miscarriages- a process that happens all the time.  For a lot of women, it is heart-breaking and sad to lose a fetus like that, but it happens.  It’s no fun, but it is.  It happens often without women even knowing about it.  A fertilized egg can miscarry before reaching utero.  So, the government in Georgia wants to hold women criminally responsible for a completely natural complication.  Unbelievable!

And this is only the tip of the conservative freedom-hating iceberg.  Anybody remember the concept of net neutrality?  It was, in my opinion, an issue that didn’t receive as much coverage as I would have liked.  Remember how the conservative element in this country was all up in arms about it, saying that having the FCC protect net neutrality was freedom-killing?  Of course, that was pure bullshit, but they fought tooth and nail to keep it from happening.  Now, if a site can’t pay enough money, they can be made slow as fuck to all wireless providers.  I’m sure that’s just great for small businesses, don’t you?

Then there was the massive debacle over healthecare reform.  Remember the “freedom killing bill?”  Or do you remember the “death panels?”  Those were Palin’s finest work as a dim-witted political mountebank.  I remember all the noise that the conservatives made, and it was all dumb.

But perhaps the best example, and a rather recent one, which has come up again, is the community center in New York City which would have a couple rooms reserved for Islamic worship.  The conservative element called it the “9/11 Mosque,” a title which is so ludicrous and heartless toward the 1st Amendment that is actually does offend me a bit when they scream about individual liberty, then curse an entire group of people for wanting to have a place to gather and worship their imaginary friend.  A total double-standard with Christianity, but whatever.

Here’s the truth, ladies and gentlemen- conservatives hate freedom.  They hate that minorities have opportunities in this country.  They hate that women have rights over their own reproductive systems.  They hate that people who aren’t Christian have the ability worship their god at their place of worship.  They hate that we have these public broadcasting groups, like PBS and NPR, who are taking away business from the massive corporate monopolies that have gone unchecked and rule our media zeitgeist.  They hate that we have taxes on businesses.  They hate that they don’t get to tell the LGBT community that they are going to jail for loving somebody of the same sex, or for being different.

Look, I have my discourse with the political elements of this country, I do.  I don’t deny that the two-party system is fucked up.  I wish we had a nation that was smart enough to not need parties, and to have people just running on their own merits, with the public all getting together and voting according to their personal beliefs.  But this isn’t about political parties.  This is about a system of ideals.  This is about the conservative message, and how it is against everything that makes this country good.

You see, it breaks down like this- if they had their way, business would have no taxes, nothing to stop them, and they would completely own everything in this country (more than they already do).  Conservativism is, by definition, being against change (or quick change, depending on which dictionary you read).  It is dumb by definition, and we have people in this country who like it.

If we’ve learned anything from the Tea Party, it is a tool.  It is a tool for those with money to prey on those without it.  Have you ever noticed that almost all the hardcore racists are white trash?  Have you ever noticed that almost all the people against the LGBT community are Christian?  Have you ever noticed how those who are against unions are either in the direct employ or representing a group who is funded by corporations?  It’s an interesting conundrum.

The simple truth is that these people hate what makes this country great, and they also hate the people in it.  People who think that women who miscarry are felons hate women.  People who think that a man who loves another man should be in prison hates gay people.  It is a hate-based political philsophy, and it is pretty freakin’ sick too.

Until next time, a quote,

“You know, I kind of like a little socialism in America.  When I drive down the road, I like to know that that is partly my road.  When I see kids playing in the park, I like to know that that is kind of my park.  When my house nearly burns down, as it very nearly did recently, I like to know that the firefighters who save it kind of work for me!”  -Terroja Kincaid

Peace out,


Life’s Purpose Without God

So, I have been receiving a number of angry statements from people regarding my lack of belief in God.  Some have asked me- what do I have to live for without God giving my life purpose?  I have thought long and hard, and even though I doubt that any of them will read this post, I have decided to respond on here.  I have decided that this should be my platform, because I want to make my complete point, and to make this as sensible as I see possible.

First, let me address the concept of having a life with purpose.  This concept has been addressed a million and a half times by all different walks of life.  Here is my personal perspective- I don’t think that life has a purpose.  Purpose is a completely subjective term that has been tossed around by every great theologian, philosopher, and intellectual who has ever lived.  Whole books have been written on the subject.  Probably the most famous of these is The Purpose Driven Life.  It was written by Rick Warren, the founder and senior pastor of the Saddleback Church.

Rick’s take on things is that one should live for God, and follow his directions.  The book is filled with testimonial after testimonial about following God’s plan, and how the devil is the source of all your problems.  Now, I could go into detail about my problems with this book, but I honestly have better things to do with my time.  I will say that Rick basically takes away from the idea that you should have any real control over your life, and says that you should just obey God, and not think too hard.  Basically, obey, and you’ll be fine.  Rick does a good job of painting the Christian God as a master, and people as slaves.

Looking at the word purpose more critically, it is defined as a result, an end, a mean, or goal that a person is looking to achieve.  We all look for meaning in the things that we do.  It’s basic human nature.  When we do anything, we need to believe that we are trying to accomplish something.  That part is easy to understand.  If there was no end goal, why would people do anything?  So finding purpose is one of those things that is very easy.  Now, when it comes to purpose in life, that is more accurately defined as the Meaning of Life.

The meaning of life is a very nebulous term, I’m sorry to say.  Each and every person has their own opinion on the subject, and each opinion is often very obscure.  There have been very different theories from the greatest philosophers about what the meaning of life is.  Plato believed that the meaning of life was to obtain the highest level of knowledge possible.  Aristotle believed that it was to achieve the “highest good.”  Stoicism is a rather popular one, which means that a person should try to be as virtuous as possible.  A lot of people dig that. 

But then there is the other side of the meaning of life discussion- the religious side.  This side disturbs/interests me.  It interests me in the fact that it is rather simple.  Rick Warren has it on the nose.  According to the bible, our lives really are about serving God, to know him, and to make him known, as is commonly referred to.  He has it pretty correct.  How crazy the devotion is depends on if you follow the Old or the New Testament more or less closely than the other.  So, our lives mean…basically nothing.

It disturbs me because this book basically says that life is completely pointless beyond the belief in God.  All hard time- look to God.  A personal problem- look to God.  Anything at all that happens in your life- look to God.  Doesn’ that just kind of run you down and make wonder what the point of it all is?  It does me.  If there is nothing beyond the belief in God, then life really is just pointless.  Were it not for the fact that the Catholic church said, once upon a time, that suicide is a sin, I have no doubt that people would endlessly seek to go to that eternal paradise that they endlessly speak about in their good book.

If you think about it, that really was the saving grace of the church, and how it prevented a disaster in the Dark Ages.  Call suicide a sin, and the absolute hell that people have to live through every single day seems a lot more palatable.  Honestly, how many people would take the easy way out, if they had the choice?  Life is pretty fucking hard, and the idea of an eternal paradise does sound like a pretty cozy way out. 

Here is my personal rant on this topic- I don’t get why people need a holy being to give them purpose, because honestly, I don’t think that life has a true purpose in and of itself.  Life is a concept, a construct.  As an action, it is breathing in and out.  As an existence, it is when you are still alive, when your heart still beats.  It is when your blood flows.  Life is also a form of existence that is when you are feeling something more than just cold.  There is no true-blue meaning to any of it.

What makes life special is each and every one of us finding our own meaning behind things, and finding our own reasons to continue the journey down life’s path.  When each of us is able to find a reason to keep going after the horrible things that happen, that is the real meaning behind life.  The real purpose of life is for all of us to figure out on our own.  We don’t need a holy being to tell us what it is.  Doesn’t it take something away from you, when you are not held to be smart enough to figure out the answers on your own?  Doesn’t it make you feel less empowered when you are told what the answer is, and there is no room to negotiate?  The Good Book doesn’t read like it is open to too much interpretation on that front.

I have a reason to keep going- to see that new horizon, that better world, and maybe, if I can, to help create it.  I want to make a difference in the world.  That’s my mission.  That’s my purpose.  No holy being guides my steps.  I don’t need him, and honestly, neither do any of you.  So for those who ask how I can believe in purpose without God, I say that I am stronger than you because I can, because I don’t have to question.  Those who question, those who need to know stuff like that, they are just too afraid to look and find the answers themselves, so they accept weakness to be told it.

Until next time, a quote,

“Listen as your day unfolds.  Challenge what the future holds.  Try and hold your head up to the sky.”  -Des’ree, You Gotta Be 

Peace out,


A Disrespected Genre

Okay, so, I have something that I want to talk about because I think that the bad rap that it gets is rather hypocritical.  I am, of course, talking about the Japanese animation, or just anime genre.  It is an industry that gets a rather bad rap among the American crowd in a lot of circles.  Those who are into it, like myself, are viewed as immature, dumb, or childish.  People say that they are just cartoons.  The statements like that are glorious hypocrisy.

I find it interesting that the same people who call it just a cartoon are often people who find a lot to admire in Pixar films like WALL-E and Ratatouille.  I have heard a lot of intellectual types giving great praise to several animated American films, while the anime genre is severly disrespected in many circles.  Let me ask you something- what exactly does a story have to have to be good?  What form must it take to be respected? 

I have this question with a lot of genres that I am interested in.  I view several videos games as having some really great stories.  The backstory of Bioshock is a work or art, and you are slowly told it through a series of audio logs.  You find out the story of a city that started out as a grand underwater utopia, and fell apart.  Finding out how it all happened, and the conspiracies of those responsible is intriguing to both the eye and the mind. 

It never ceases to amaze me how close-minded people are.  Just because a story takes a different form, it is not worthy of people’s respect.  Like we’ve never seen any animated characters with intellectual depth before.  Oh wait, we have!  It’s all over the respected American cinema and television.  But when it comes from another country, then it’s a problem. 

Look, I’m sorry, but people who don’t like anime for the reason that it’s a cartoon are just small-minded in my eyes.  It isn’t all made for kids.  In fact, my favorite series, Cowboy Bebop is a show that is not something I would let any kid I know watch.  It is a show about a group of bounty hunters, who more often than not end up killing the targets that they are chasing after.  It also has a backstory of violence and death which the main character, Spike Spiegel, is trying to run from.  The series is filled with characters who are trying to escape the past they have, but end up reveling in it, and often have it come back to them in horribly violent ways.

Then there is the series, Neon Genesis Evangelion.  This show is regarded as one of the greatest anime series’ of all time.  It tells the story of a young man, Shinji Ikari, who hates life, and hates living.  He has been charged with saving what remains of the human race, after a cataclysmic disaster called Second Impact wiped out half of the entire human race, and ravaged our entire planet.  Shinji is hopelessly alone, battling his own insecurities and his own hatred of living in order to save the few people that he cares about.  It is a story of love, loss, depression, and humanities final stand as a species.  Is that story bad just because it is animated?

Then there is the story of a new show that I have just discovered- Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion.  It tells the story of a young man named Lelouch vi Britannia.  He is the son of an emperor that he hates, who he blames for killing his mother.  Lelouch begins a campaign to destroy his father’s empire, and to take revenge.  He ends up becoming a much colder person, sacrificing his own conscience for the greater objective.  A character who is willing to do whatever it takes, and the cost of his own sense of integrity, is always part of a good story.  But of course, it isn’t respect, because it is animated.

Then there is the series- Fullmetal Alchemist.  It tells the story of two brothers who are working to reclaim all that they lost.  They end up becoming involved in a conspiracy which is too big for them, but they can’t afford to stop because they have nothing left to lose, and everything to gain.  It is a tragic tale of brotherly love, loss, and the will to keep going even after you have lost everything.  The entire series (the first one, anyway) is a tragedy that leaves both brothers losing by the end. 

There are a lot of great stories in the anime genre, but there are people who choose to dislike or disregard it for the sole purpose that it is animated.  Look, if you want to expand your horizons, you can’t afford to discredit an entire genre based on the sole fact that it doesn’t use real people.  The stories are no less compelling because it doesn’t have real people.  The tragedies are just as powerful.

I am one of those people who doesn’t discredit a story just because of the form that it takes.  But I don’t have a double-standard.  I am just as critical of the anime genre as I am of any of the other ones.  I am a very critical viewer, and if the story isn’t interesting, I tend not to stay interested for very long.  Granted, I am not particularly fond of the Western and Romance genre of anything, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t view them from time to time.

I get that people are naturally inclined to something things rather than others, but sometimes, to experience life in a full way, you have to be willing to step outside of your comfort zone.  This is actually a metaphor to how all things in life are.  Just because something doesn’t sound interesting doesn’t mean that it isn’t.  I hate country music, but I have a lot of respect for Johnny Cash.  Sometimes, to get all that life has to offer, you have to be willing to live a little. 

The anime genre is pretty freakin’ cool, and has a lot of great stories.  I implore you not to just judge it because it is animated.  If the success of studios like Pixar has proven anything, it is that animated characters can have intellectual depth.  It is possible, and it happens all the time.  And I hate to break it to you, but the Japanese have this really bad habit of pushing the envelope on what kinds of stories and ideas are acceptable.  You ever notice that some kinds of themes and ideas are just not talked about much in American film and television.  The Japanese are more fearless with their stories, the ideals that are raised in their stories, and they have a lot of questioning about the merits of religion rather often, or a different take on it, which American studios avoid like the plague.  Just a thought.

Until next time, a quote,

“I’m not going there to die, Faye.  I’m going to see if I’m still alive.”  -Spike Spiegel, Cowboy Bebop 

Peace out,


Living in the Night

When you don’t sleep at night, you start to see the world through a different shade.  You start to see the world through a film, and you start to find youself not particularly caring about the activities of those who live in the day.  There are those who claim to live in the night, but they only live in the night for as long as the night allows them to continue their party, to continue to be active.  They don’t live in the real night.  The night for them involves loud music, loud noises, fluid exchanges, and flashing lights.  That’s not the real night. 

The real night is a feeling.  It is being immersed in darkness.  When one is able to feel the darkness running through them, and not feel afraid, that is the night.  People’s natural inclination is to fear the darkness.  People do everything that they can to escape it.  They try to cut through it with lights.  They do everything that they possibly can to keep themselves from falling into it, but in the end, it is always going to be there.  The darkness cannot truly be evaded and defeated.  The reason that that is the case is because the darkness is half of everything.

Tell people that darkness is half of everything, and all of the sudden, you get people all weirded out.  People are kind of weak about things, in my opinion.  So many people are scared stiff to go wandering in the darkness.  But there are some totally wonderful things about the darkness.  In the darkness, you can see some wonderful details.  The forest looks so much better in the summer when there is moonlight filtering through the trees, splashing the ground with silver.  Nature is so much more peaceful in the dark, because it is trying to sleep.

Darkness is also nice for thinking in.  I cannot count the number of times that I have lost myself in memories, staring at my glitter-filled lava-lamp, with it being the only light in the room.  I remember sitting in total darkness, letting my mind drift into the memories that have long gone by, or maybe not, who knows?  But the best parts about the night are the ones that you don’t spend alone.

I remember Griffin and I hanging out at night.  The two of us would talk all night about the world that we want, how we would make life better for everybody.  There was somebody in my heart that I was able to do the same thing with, but that was a long time ago.  I like nothing more than to chat with people at night, because I feel so much more thoughtful then.  I can talk for hours with certain people.  There was one person who I had been hoping more than anything to have the opportunity to chat with at night, but I doubt I’ll ever get the chance.  She and I…I don’t know. 

The night is also a time when you realize how precious life actually is, because the night leads to the day.  People often take for granted what a new day means.  It means so much, actually.  It means a new beginning.  It means new potential and new possibilities.  Why people are so afraid of it is completely beyond me.  Are the five senses really all that matters anymore?  So what if your vision is impaired.  Don’t let this break you down.  Instead, let it bring you to life.

I have always loved the night because it is the place that I can vanish.  Tall a man as I am, in the darkness, even I can disappear.  Living in a city, I like to wander the streets at night, and vanish into shadows, watching the world pass by.  It sounds creepy, I know, but I’m not like that.  Why would I want to be a creeper.  The world is so much more fascinating without all the creepiness.  Rather, I simply like to watch it pass by, as an observer.  A friend of mine once said that I am an observer, that I watch the world from outside, and she is right.

What people don’t get about the darkness is that it is neither good nor evil.  It is just like anything else in this world- as good or as evil as the user.  I use the power of darkness for good.  I use it to help my better world that I imagine start to come to life.  I use it to share ideas, and to hear the ideas of others, and to spread comradery.  I use it for so many things.

That said, it has left a mark on me.  For, as much as it is not an evil force, it does change you, after a while.  I like how Ansem put it in Kingdom Hearts, “All worlds begin in darkness, and all so end.  The heart is no different.”  While he had a very different meaning, I choose to believe that what he was talking about how we all fear the darkness, but inevitably, we must return to it.  I speak of course about death, but it is the inevitable fading away that we all do, and it is a place that is not light, but darkness.

None of us know what comes next after we die, but being afraid of it never really helps.  Fearing the darkness doesn’t help either, because it is a natural part of the world.  One must learn to accept it, to let it be a part of you.  Don’t let the corruption of the spirit that goes along with it consume you, but rather, learn from the music that has been made about it.  The night is a time of love, of passion, of beauty.  The most beautiful piece of piano music every made Clair de Lune is about the night, and the moonlight.  It is a song showing that the night can be for us all, if we choose not to be afraid, and to feel the beauty within it.

A strange rant, I know, but I have just been thinking about it a lot, because someday, if it were possible, I would love to become darkness, to exist forever as such a thing, and then, to fade off, into that great beyond.  I love the darkness, and it loves me.  But sometimes, I wonder if I love it too much.  Too deep for tonight.  Maybe I’ll pick this up again someday

Until next time, a quote, 

“I know the night, darling, I live in it!  It does things to you!”  -Sky Masterson, Guys and Dolls 

Peace out,


The Final Rule of Death

People all seem to have this fear of their lives coming to an end.  It was said to me once that not being afraid to die means that you don’t care about life.  I don’t think that’s true.  In fact, I think that that is quite the opposite.  I think that not being afraid of an inevitable end is a sign that you want to enjoy life more.

It isn’t exactly a myster to people that I am endlessly afflicted by medical mishaps.  They are all working against me, some in more ways than one.  They are all very serious, and are all working against me.  Because I am slated to have these problems working against me my whole life, I have learned not to fear death as much as other people, because the certainty of it is much more relevant in my life.  But there is one thing that all people fear- being alone.

Unless you are mentally disturbed, it is human nature to seek out people who we can bond with.  It is human nature to want to make that connection- one that surpasses our natural urges to keep people at a distance.  I think that most people naturally don’t want to get hurt.  To make a real connection, one has to be ready to get hurt, one has to be ready to accept that.  If you insist that you need walls to keep people out, especially with people you claim to trust, you inevitably start to wonder why you need the walls, why you need to keep people out.

One cannot walk away from his own story.  And the truth is that nobody wants to be alone.  But that is just how it goes sometimes.  I fully realize that I may end up being alone for the rest of my life.  I will do all I can to avoid this fate, but that may just be how it goes.  You see, in the end, all you can do is to live life how you want to live it.

I have seen so many people, time and time again, sell out their sense of integrity to the lowest bidder, just so that they can have some brief experiences that they call happiness.  People are all so desperately seeking love and belonging that they are willing to become anybody.  I refuse to do that.  I refuse to change my existence for a fleeting pleasure.  There are days when I question this dedication, when I question the fact that I am working so hard to maintain who I am, but then I see people who just let themselves get walked on in order to keep a lie that they tell themselves, and I realize that I am making the right choice.  I keep my sense of integrity, of honesty to myself, and in the end, that is all I need.

Death is the end-result of all of our lives.  It is the final conclusion that none of us can escape.  There are days when I wish that I could go the route of Jack Skellington, and just find a cave to hide in, and to slowly fade away into nothingness.  I look around, at all the shallow people.  Everytime I meet somebody who is of true worth, they are taken, or will not remain.  I see all the people who only care about the moment, not wanting to deeply reflect, or to look ahead, because reflecting is not self-gratifying, and looking ahead is often unpleasant. 

But in the end, we are all alone.  The sad fact of that matter is that you die alone.  You go to whever people go after they die alone.  Being alone is just how life is.  We get above this by finding those who we can connect with, and by treasuring those connections.  We make connections by reaching out into the world around us, and working to meet in the middle with other minds.  For some of us, that is easier said than done.

I had a friend recently who got very angry at me, and said that people need the walls that they put up.  I think she’s dead wrong.  She said that people put up walls for a reason.  Yeah, that reason is to keep people out.  The reason is to keep people from reaching you.  The reason that people have walls is so that they can keep people away from the part of themselves that they want to keep in the dark.  That’s no way to live, trust me.  It is a way to slowly die.  It is a way to rot away into darkness and to fade out of existence into that great nowhere.  I have had walls up for years, keeping people away, and only now do I realize that maybe, that is a mistake.  And she is mistaken as well, but she is too stubborn to realize it.

Look, life is such a short thing.  For some of us, it is much shorter than for others.  For some of us, it will be medical hell, before we finally go into that great goodnight, and are able to sleep for all eternity.  For some of us, it feels like it never really gets any better.  But we keep at it, because there is that hope, foolish and pathetically naive as it may be, that we will be able to find that center, the place in our lives that keeps us whole.  We all hope for this, yet none of us will ever find it.

I probably don’t have another medical disaster in me.  Should it ever come to that, I will probably take the easy way out.  I’m not even close to that yet, and I still have a lot of time before that day comes.  With my medical conditions, I know for a fact that it is coming, unless medical science suddenly figures out how to cure everything tomorrow, but when it does, I want to know that my life has mattered.  I want to reach out to people.  To preach my gospel of doubt and skepticism, to talk about my liberal politics, and to talk about the various philosophical parts of life that I have thought about, and that all of us experience.  If I can do that much, then my time on this world will not have been in vain.

Until next time, a quote,

“Maybe you feel more deeply for me than I expected, or maybe hoped, but I also can see that you want friendship so badly that it’s easier for you to set any such feelings aside for the sake of an intimate relationship/friendship.”  -Ann Valentine Jelineau

Peace out,


Vile Catholic Girl: Pwnage

Okay, so, there are going to be those among my readership who know the person that I am going to talk about in this blog.  She is somebody who represents everything that is wrong with our society.  She is one of the few people in this world who I genuinely loathe.  I have problems with a lot of people a lot of the time, but honestly, I have never really loathed anybody, not really.  But this girl, she is something else.  She is one of the foulest people that you will ever come into contact with.  She is a disease that spreads through the mind and spirit.  The kind of person who spreads visceral hatred through our world, and is a catalyst for more hatred.  Her name is…Natalia.

When I first met the girl, I didn’t think much of her.  But very quickly, I realized that this girl is a symbol.  She is a symbol of a greater problem with humanity that I don’t honestly believe is ever going to be solved.  She is a horribly bigoted homophobe who genuinely hates gay people.  The very idea of homosexual behavior disgusts her.  I got to see this first-hand today when we were watching and critiquing The Jackel for my Media Literacy class.  There was a scene where Bruce Willis’ character is hitting on and eventually making out with a guy.  When this took place, she had an outburst of annoyance and disgust.  After seeing her, so did I.

I am genuinely disgusted by her.  People like her show me something that is an ultimate truth in civilization today- that people want to be controlled.  Natalia is a hardcore catholic.  She was once quoted saying to a fellow student who is gay that he is no longer a man.  She openly hates people who are pro-choice.  She will rag on a person for hours on end about their decision to be pro-choice, or the fact that they are gay, or the fact that they are atheists.  This is who she is.  But what guides all of her hatred, and her spreading of hatred is her religion.

Religion is about control.  It’s as simple as that.  A long time ago, the Catholic church realized that they could control mass amounts of people.  For a very long time, it is absolutely true that they ruled the world.  Every single day I see them trying to get their bony crypt-keeper claws back on the levers of power in this world.  What is sad about all of it is that people like Natalia want to be controlled.  This girl is an idiot.  She is as air-headed as they come.  She can’t understand the most basic of things, and refuses to listen to other positions if they do not match up to what she believes is the correct decision.  This is not how good people operate.  This is not how intelligent people operate.  This is not how a person with any real worth to the human race operates.

I was ragged on in a comment once, because somebody who reads my blog rather regularly believed that I was calling all religious people stupid.  I’m not.  But what gets me is- why do reasonably intelligent people want to believe in God?  His New Testament is a wonderful work of art which is all about forgiveness and love.  But then you turn the other side and you see a vengeful hateful god who strikes down any who question him.  I refuse to believe than an intelligent person will just look at that and accept it.  The New Testament does not absolve God of his sins in the Old Testament!  It never will!  No amount of good deeds done can possibly make up for the genocidal rampages that God himself went on.

People sing to the hills about how it is the Devil who is the evil force.  According to the Bible, the only people the Devil ever killed was Job’s family, and with God’s permission, ironically enough.  It is a farce, a lie, a foolish gambit to believe in something that is comfortable.  And people like Natalia are the end result of hardcore faith.

I am not making many more of these hardcore impassioned speeches about my hatred for religion.  I have come to realize that logic and sense do nothing to those who have faith.  This is because they deliberately turn a blind eye to insanity because the reality of the world is too much for them to bear.  They refuse to see how much life sucks, and how horrible things on this world actually are.  They don’t want to look into that mirror and see how ugly this world has become.

Ancient cultures like the Native Americans, while they had their wars, had a peace with nature, and a relationship with the world that they lived in.  Had the white man never come to this part of the world, imagine what they could have become.  They had sense, reason, and although they had their own gods, they didn’t fight endlessly about them.  Their battles were more territorial, or for resources.  Look at all the wonderful things that the white man has fought about.

Natalia is a parasite.  I don’t honestly care what happens to her.  I won’t deny that the idea of her getting hit by a bus does give me a little bit of warm feeling, because her bigotry spreads to those around her like a virus, but honestly, I just don’t have enough life in me to devote my time to thinking about this worm.  I instead think about all of those who follow her.  All of those who have the signs talking about how God hates “fags” and how God did such a wonderful thing by creating AIDS, they are all among her ilk, and are all diseases which creep upon this world.

In short, ladies and gentlemen, it is time for our species to grow up!  There is a lot happening right now, in the real world, in real time, and could really fuck our entire species, right now!  Right now, we are at a critical time in the human race’s life on Earth.  If what has happened in Japan has proven anything, it is that Mother Nature is a tough bitch, and I think she’s getting a little tired of how humanity is treating her.  The power of the human race to kill one-another has never been as high as it is now.  We have finally achieved the power to obliterate all of humanity with ease.  This world, is diseased, and it needs to grow up.

Natalia is not the disease, she’s a symptom.  The disease is willful ignorance, bigotry, and the mask that those who practice it hide behind- faith.  Homophobia is a faith-based initiative.  Only those who are of faith say that a gay man, or a lesbian woman is going to burn in hell.  It is time for the human race to grow up, and to realize that if we don’t start working together now and abandoning the neurological disorder that makes us have a reason to hate, then all our progress as a species will be for naught, as nobody will be around to tell the story, after the mushroom clouds clear.

Until next time, a quote,

“That’s it, grow up, or die.”  -Bill Maher, Religulous 

Peace out,