I will keep this short, because I am sure that you all don’t want to miss this! I just got word – Pat Robertson (who you may remember from his bigoted comments about how 9/11 was the fault of the ALCU, pagans, feminists, gays, lesbians, and those for abortion. Oh, and he also said that the reason for the earthquake in Haiti was because the Haitians sold their souls to the Devil) had discovered the truth! He has discovered how the atheists plan to destroy Christmas! Here is the link, now let’s go in to this amazing discovery that Robertson has made.
Well, it’s Christmas all over again. The Grinch is trying to steal our holiday.
Alright, Pat, you’ve got my attention. How is the Grinch going to do it? I mean, with all the vast number of people, he would have to ransack a LOT of homes. But, let’s leave the ugly details out of this. What is his plans?
It’s been so beautiful. The nation comes together. We sing Christmas carols. We give gifts to each others. We have lighted trees. It’s just a beautiful thing.
Yeah, that is pretty nice. It’s the reason that an atheist like me gets in to the season. I mean, with all the endless BS that happens the rest of the year, I am definitely down with that. I grew up with it. A lot of my atheist friends kind of get on me about how I am still into Christmas and still celebrate it. Well, for any of you who want to know my reasons in-depth, here is a blog where I laid it all out pretty plain. I like this season. I think it’s a lot of fun. And for my atheist friends who go on about how bad it is – chill the fuck out! It’s a season about lights and decorations and presents and food! The religious bullshit has been consumed by consumerism! Trust me, I am going to be writing about that in this year’s Christmas post. Or one of the ones leading up to it. I haven’t decided. Yet. So yeah, this is a great time of year. What’s gotten you so worked up, Pat?
Atheists don’t like our happiness. They don’t want you to be happy. They want you to be miserable.
Uh…what? No, really, I don’t get it. How did you come to this conclusion? It makes no sense. I mean, how are the atheists trying to keep people miserable? By being all nice and stuff around the holidays? By trying to be happy with our fellow humans? I really am pondering how you came to the conclusion that atheists want people to be miserable. Do you think that we’re miserable? Well, while I may have depression, which stems from a head injury, I know plenty of atheists who are happy as a bunch of fucking clams. So yeah, I don’t get this. But please, continue.
They’re miserable, so they want you to be miserable.
I’m just dying to see what evidence you produce to back up this unbelievably ridiculous hyperbole.
So they want to steal your holiday away from you.
That’s it? That’s your support to the statement that we want all Christians to be miserable? Wow. That’s just…dumb. I mean, I have called you a heartless bigot in the past, who could give a shit about the human race, and couldn’t care less about anyone, since it is blatantly obvious that you only care about making money, but you know what – I am just ashamed at this point. I mean, this is so pathetic that I honestly feel bad for the dim-witted followers who hang on your every word. These people have no idea how sad and lonely you are. You talk about how you are so happy, because you have Jesus, but a man who is as much of a money-grubber and charlatan as you, you can’t be happy. I genuinely refuse to believe that you are a happy person. Happy people don’t need to take and take and take money from people the way that you do. Instead, I think you are one of the most miserable people on Earth, and you need to get yourself a hug, from somebody who actually gives a shit, not just some pathetic follower who you probably bribed to get that hug.
You’re a sad man, Pat. Get yourself some love. The real kind.
Until next time, a quote,
“This man, and I call him man in the loosest possible sense of the word ‘man,’ is a hideous and twisted and mangled parody of a human being.” -TJ Kincaid, Pat Robertson: Worst Person Ever