I HATE Trekkies!

You know when you are watching a movie, and you are really enjoying it?  You think that the story is compelling, the characters are interesting, and overall, it’s a pretty fun experience.  It is a good way to invest one’s time.  You invite a few friends over, and you are enjoying hanging out with them.  It’s good times, good company, and a fun movie.  That is, until, there is that one friend.  You kind of always knew that this person was of a certain persuasion, but you never really got into it until now.  But here you are, watching this movie, and they feel that they have to comment on everything that is wrong with it.  This started out a fun experience, and they promised that they wouldn’t, but there they are, having to bitch about EVERY FUCKING DETAIL THEY DON’T LIKE!  It ruins the experience for everybody, and you end up resenting that person for it.  That’s my relationship with Trekkies.

I hate these people.  I really, really hate them.  I also hate the Star Wars equivalent.  These people need to take a fucking chill pill.  This all came to bear for me recently with two things – the first is the new Star Trek movie.  I really liked it.  I am a Star Trek fan, and I really liked it.  The characters were good.  The back-story was interesting.  They dilemma was engaging.  I think all of the characters were perfectly cast.  It was an overall fun story.  Plus, it did something to the series that I had been wanting to happen for a long time – it gave the Enterprise MORE GUNS!  That always bugged me about each and every single one of these shows.  These are supposed to be incredibly powerful ships, but all of them only have one or two guns?  That never made much sense.  So the battles in this film were much more engaging, and much more visually appealing.

But when I sat down to watch this with a friend of mine, there was another guy who had to gripe and bitch about every little thing!  First, there was the fact that it totally ruined this precious canon that they all cling to like a child to its mother.  I had to hear things like this -

Spock didn’t go back in time!
The ships didn’t have guns like that!
This is all so they can make a whole new series!
Time travel doesn’t work like that!
This would totally have ruined all of the other shows!

It went on like that for quite some time.  After a while, I was this close (fingers almost touching) to choking the living daylights out of that annoying prick.  It was a good film, I thought.  It got a lot of critical praise, and for good reason.  It was well-shot, well-acted, and very cool.  But I guess that isn’t enough for Trekkies, because if everything doesn’t just go their way, they have to make the rest of us hear about it.

The next example of what bugs me about these people was in the latest Nostalgia Critic video.  He did a cross-over with Linkara (who I have never really seen much of) for the end of his Star Trek Month.  He had said in previous videos as a running gag that he was worried Linkara would try and interrupt one of his videos because he is a Trekkie.  What I guess I didn’t realize is how much of a Trekkie he was.

They did a review of the film – Star Trek: Insurrection.  Now, this wasn’t my favorite movie, but I didn’t think it was all that bad.  But Linkara came onto the scene and had to nitpick EVERY FUCKING LITTLE THING!  Not only did it take away from the review (and Nostalgia Critic even made some jokes about it, which is good), but it was just annoying.

Look, I get that when you really love something, you really love it.  But the fact is that people need to calm down.  I have a lot of series that I am a die-hard fan of.  But when a different interpretation, or a different idea comes along, I am open to it.  To not be at least a little open-minded about this kind of stuff, well, to be honest, that’s the exact same thing that religion is.  These people are like crazy fundies.

It’s a really ironic and sad metaphor to have to make.  To say that people who like something are just as bad as the fundies of the Christian church is tragic.  Now, they don’t do what Fundies do and make horrible government policies, or hinder progress by their incessant bigotry, but they get just as worked up and will be just as unbending about their belief structure about how what they love should be.

The problem is that fiction is way more complicated than the Trekkies give it credit for.  It has to be moldable, bendable, and able to be changed.  It’s how great stories have evolved.  And reinterpretation has often been a very good thing.  Think about Alice in Wonderland.  It had a whole bunch of reinterpretations.  Some have been awful (like Tim Burton’s).  Some have been awesome (Like Alice: Madness Returns).  But the point is that by looking at thigns a different way, it appeals to different people, and to new generations.

The latest Star Trek film brought this genre back to an entirely new generation of viewers.  It gave us all a new look at something that so many people had come to love.  Exactly how is that a bad thing?  Because it isn’t what you think it should be?  Ditch the ego at the door, man, because you are taking away from a film that was pretty fun, and away from the people who watched its enjoyment of it.

In the end, I guess the real lesson to learn is not to blindly follow anything.  Think for yourself.  Have your beliefs and your loves, but don’t infringe on the enjoyment of others.  That makes you an asshole.

Until next time, a quote,

“…But to be fair, I don’t think it’s (Star Trek: Nemesis) that bad.”  -Doug Walker, Star Trek 9 – Insurrection

Peace out,

Maverick

Top 10 Most ANNOYING Male Leads

Well, since I did a list about the top ten women who were leads who just plain annoyed me, I thought that I would now put out my list of the male leads who annoy the CRAP out of me!  I hope you enjoy.  I know I didn’t.  I am going to anger a lot of fans here from a lot of popular shows.  Good times.

10. Will Turner
Pirates of the Caribbean
This guy has got to be one of the worst things in cinema history.  I mean, we all watched the Pirates of the Caribbean films for Jack Sparrow, and all the while those films were going on, I just thought that Will was his gay friend.  For real, nothing about him was interesting.  He was put in that movie for the same reason my top picks were put their film series – eye candy.  He was about as emotionally deep as a block of wood.  The only reason he did well as Legolas in Lord of the Rings is because he was right for that role.  Tall, pretty, girlie, that works.  And he had emotional depth because Peter Jackson is a good director.  But here, he is just a pretty boy with about as little personality as possible.  He is also a complete tool.  He is used by his woman, and when he finally does get a personality in the third film, it is kind of too little, too late.  I liked the third film, it’s a guilty pleasure of mine, but yeah, he suck.

9. Quatre Winner
Gundam Wing
You know what sucks about this character – he had a lot going for him.  The idea was interesting.  He is a young man who comes from a family of pacifists, but decides to fight the group OZ anyway.  He throws away his inheritance for this cause, and it is pretty profound.  However, the delivery is AWFUL!  He is such a whiny, whiny, preachy little bitch.  This guy is all about peace and love and all that junk.  It makes for a really boring and really annoying character.  The problem is that he just doesn’t fit the archetype he is supposed to be in.  If it showed more inner turmoil about him selling out his family and his beliefs, that might be more interesting, but as it stands, its really dull.  It is a really good show still, but this character didn’t help.

8. Superman
Superman (I know, Duh)
Okay, where do I start with how annoying this guy is.  It’s my opinion that a good 90% of all comic book films and comic book characters, suck.  Badly.  And here is the greatest example.  Look what this guy stands for – truth, justice, and the American way.  Who talks that way?  This guy is so ANNOYING!  Plus, he’s totally unfair as a hero.  Bullets bounce of the guy, and almost no amount of physical punishment does any significant damage to him.  He is so incredibly cheap.  And think about this – he is the world’s greatest stalker!  He follows Lois Lane everywhere.  He even follows her home and watches her eat!  This dude is not only annoying and cheap, but he’s also a super-creeper.  All in all, this dude just needs to be shot, with a kryptonite bullet.

7. Spiderman
Spiderman (Again, I know, Duh)
Here’s another superhero who just plain sucks.  I have hated every single version that has been introduced.  I hated the old cartoon, I’ve hated the new cartoons, and I hate the film version most of all.  I think part of the problem of why he is so annoying is because of the universe he inhabits.  It’s filled with people who scream AT THE TOP OF THEIR LUNGS FOR NO REASON!  There is only so much screaming that one can take, and let’s face it, there is only so much screaming that people will do in a dangerous situation.  But back to the main character, he is just so annoying.  The idea is that he is a wise-cracking smartass, but he isn’t done well.  In any of the versions that I have seen.  And also, he is the perfect stalker.  Especially the film version.  In the comics and the cartoons, he has to replace his webbing.  It’s a kind of weakness that he has.  In the film, he can theoretically go for as long as his strength holds out.  Meaning that if he wanted to stalk you, he could do so forever.  He literally could be like the fly on your wall.  If that doesn’t creep you out, ladies, nothing will.

6. Reed Richards
The Fantastic Four
Why are there so many heroes on this list, you ask?  Because they are ANNOYING!  So few of them are genuinely interesting.  Most have the most absurd abilities, and they have the most absurd villains.  For case and point, look no further than the Fantastic Four.  These four are so implausible that it is beyond ridiculous.  But to the character, they couldn’t have possibly made such an absurd character more unlikeable.  Reed Richards is the most effeminate hero who has ever lived.  He doesn’t like to really do much of anything, and it never comes up how many incredibly awesome uses for his ability.  But his whole universe is ridiculous, and this character just has all the warmth and charm of spoiled milk.

5. Arnold Schwarzenegger
Here’s another actor who is going to get me a lot of hatemail.  Well you know what?  I don’t care!  I hate this guy.  I have everything he has ever done.  When I was watching Predator, I was rooting for the Predator.  I wanted it to tear his head off!  All the stupid one-liners, all the over the top action.  I don’t get what guys see to like about this dude.  He can’t speak well, he can’t act.  Nothing he has ever done has been even remotely convincing.  It has been like watching a fish try and sing.  It is the worst.  I hate the man, and every single film that he has ever done.  I hope he disappears from film forever.  The reason that I picked him, the actor, instead of a role is because I hate them all equally, it is like listening to a cow try and recite Shakespeare.  It’s the same with David Boreanaz, who you will see in a couple rates.  I would have done Keira Knightley in my companion post to this, but honestly, she has had a couple of roles that actually worked.  But yeah, this Austrian nightmare is the bane of my existence.

4. Tidus
Final Fantasy X
Now, I am putting a video game character on here as a precursor to a post I am going to be doing about the most annoying video game characters, but I thought it was worth mentioning.  Tidus is a bitch.  He is.  He has no redeemable qualities about him.  He isn’t a good leader.  He isn’t particularly strong, or strong-willed.  He has no real talents of any kind.  All he does throughout this entire game is bitch about his predicament in life, his past, his problems with his father, and having to do much of anything.  Even when he finally steps up to become a stronger person, he still is a whiny little bitch.  The only reason this character was even useful to play as was for his speed and Overdrives.  There was nothing to like about this whiny little bitch.  When he died in the end, that was awesome.  Granted, he does come back, and right at the very end was the only time he actually had balls, and accepted death with a great deal of coolness, but that was too little too late.

3. David Boreanaz
Here is another actor who I just cannot stand.  Why?  For the same reason as I don’t like Tidus – he’s a whiny little bitch!  In Buffy, he played the vampire Angel, and the only time he was interesting was when he was evil.  In Bones, he plays an FBI agent who is also a whiny little bitch.  A lot of people will reference the action sequences he is in, but you know what, screw that!  Being able to fight is meaningless when one doesn’t have the balls to back it up.  It’s like adding a ray-gun to a goat.  You can’t make that cool.  A lot of dedicated fan-girls are going to call me out on this, but screw them.  This guy had all the rich emotional texture of a jar of mayonnaise, and I love that Family Guy was able to make fun of him in their Christmas special.  That was a vidicating moment to me.  But yeah, this guy is just the worst.  Well, not the worst, as you can infer from his ranking, but he is pretty bad.

2. Xander Harris
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
This is another instance of Joss Whedon having a lot of good ideas, and a VERY poor delivery.  This was one of what had to be at least six characters who could have been written out of the show and it wouldn’t have made any difference.  This guy was supposed to be the comic relief of the series (one of many), but he really added NOTHING to the series.  He wasn’t a pivotal character in any instance.  He saved the world at the end of season 6, but honestly, I think they just shoe-horned him in there for no reason.  His jokes aren’t funny, he brings no powers or skills of any kind to the table.  Really, this character offered nothing.  And when they gave him a girlfriend who served even less of a role, that just made it worse!  All the cheesy and stupid arguments that happened between the two of them, along with the cheesy dialogue and the cheesy drama.  It was all so annoying.  This guy is definitely one of the worst, and nobody will miss him.

But all of these characters are as nothing compared to what is coming now.  This is a tie for the first spot, and for damn good reason.  Never before have two characters been written who are this annoying.

1. Edward AND Jacob
Twilight (and all the subsequent movies)
It is kind of poetic that Bella was my number 1 pick on the couterpart list to this, and now, here are her two love interests.  Both of these guys couldn’t be more annoying if they tried.  Like Will Turner, they weren’t picked for acting talent (of any kind) or anything else.  It is dead-clear that these two are just eye-candy.  But let’s examine these guys.  Looking at the film version, while he is clingy and a total creeper, it is show that Edward is a total tool of Bella.  He has problems of his own, but Bella is manipulative, bossy, stupid, and a total dumbass in distress.  Those two and their creepy issues almost seem made for one-another.
But as weird and pathetic as Edward is, he is as nothing compared to his counter-part love interest, Jacob.  If Edward is a tool, then Jacob is a garage.  He openly accepts Bella’s manipulation of both of them.  He even accepts that she is using him for intimacy when Edward breaks up with her (yeah, and it was so convincing too).  This guy tries to do right by this girl, never once realizing how pathetic he looks because he accepts that she is using him.  This guy is every stupid jock metaphor in the book.  Edward is every creepy stalker metaphor in the book.  And they are, by leaps and bounds, the most ANNOYING male leads ever.

Until next time, a quote,

“And by god, how can she turn down a guy with no personality who just looks at her weird?”  -Doug Walker, Top 11 Dumbasses in Distress

Peace out,

Maverick