Top 10 Things I Liked About Christmas

Well, in lieu of a blog about Christmas itself, I thought that this year’s Christmas blog would be about something different – the things I like most about Christmas.  It is by far my favorite holiday.  Or rather, it was.  It was a holiday that I loved so much.  But this year, for the first time, I genuinely don’t give a shit.  This is the first year that it couldn’t matter to me less that it is Christmas.  I don’t feel anything for this holiday.  We’ll get into why in a minute.  But first, here are the top 10 reasons that I used to love this holiday.  And this makes it all the harder that this year, I couldn’t care less.

10. Ornaments
Oh how I have always loved putting up the Christmas tree.  This is the first year that I had no part in it.  I had to get back to the dorms because of work and final projects.  It was so hectic that I genuinely felt overwhelmed at times.  But one of my favorite parts about this holiday was putting up the Christmas tree and figuring out where the best spots were for everything.  It was so tedious, yet so enjoyable.  I always loved it.  And once it was all done, they looked so beautiful.  I truly do regret not getting to help put up the tree this year.  I would have done that part long before this holiday went to shit for me.

9. My Cat
One of the things that has been hardest about living at the dorms was that I couldn’t be around my cat, Lizzy.  I do so love that little beast.  She’s a whiny, angry little puss, who only loves me.  She treats everybody else like yesterday’s trash, except for me.  I remember when I first got the little devil.  She was climbing up the cage wall at the pet store.  She looked at me like “get me the fuck out of here!”  I knew from that moment that her and I were going to be best friends.  She’s getting old.  That makes me sad.  If she dies, then I am that much more alone.  She’s one of the few things I can depend on always being there for me.  Unlike the person who threw my friendship in the trash recently, and didn’t even look back.  I love that cat so much.  So incredibly much.

8. Snow (when I don’t have to drive in it)
Having lived in the most northern state in the Union, I have had to live with snow every winter.  And when I don’t have to drive in it, it is beautiful.  It’s a beautiful thing to see.  Of course, it turns the roads into a dangerous mess, and it seems like every year, every dumb shit in my part of the world forgets how to drive in it.  Like the summer was so long that they forgot that winter exists.  Dumb bastards.  But I do love watching it fall, if I know that I don’t have anywhere that I need to be in the next few days.  Very, very beautiful.

7. My Favorite Christmas Specials
It kills me that I forgot my movie collection at the dorms, because I could use a good Christmas special right now.  I linked my Top 10 Christmas Specials blog after the number.  Check it out, if you want to know what tickles my holiday buttons.  Some of them might not make much sense to you, but I still think they are beautiful.  I’m one of those weird people who has my own little quirks, but it’s all good.  I get to have fun, and that’s what matters.  Well, I did.  After losing a friendship that meant so much to me, because of a person I never met, then I just stopped caring.  Still, I hope that you all were able to find that little Christmas film that makes you feel all warm inside.  I envy you for being able to feel that way.

6. People actually being nice!
For real, have you ever noticed that even the biggest asshole in the universe turns into one of the sweetest people the moment that this time of year comes around?  I wish that some people I knew were like that.  Then, I wouldn’t be sitting here, crying while listening to Christmas music on the radio, feeling like shit.  I kept hoping that the spiked eggnog (one of the few kinds of booze I will actually drink) would dull the pain.  But it doesn’t.  She left my life, and right when I was hoping to see her the most.  I think she did that on purpose.  But it does feel good when you can get that person who is a dick the rest of the year, but then you see them in a Christmas tree sweater, and they are actually smiling.  Alas, my work-mates at my job didn’t get that.  My smile is such a rare occurrence these days that I think the people at my job would be shocked if they ever saw it.  I don’t have a reason to smile.

5. Presents (duh)
Yeah, kind of a given that I would be big on this one.  Who isn’t?  Who doesn’t love to get presents under the tree?  Ironically, for me, I was told to temper my expectations, since the parents don’t have much money.  But that’s okay.  I don’t mind that at all.  They have to look after themselves first.  I have no desire to feel good about this season anyway, so it’s all good.  I just want…for the day to be over.  That way, I can stop feeling like I want to cry.  It just hurts too much.  Was what we had worth nothing?  She said it meant so much.  That losing me would hurt more than she could bear.  Yet throwing what we had away, without so much as a word to me, didn’t seem to faze her in the least.  She seemed almost happy to be rid of me.  And all because of a guy who never met me.  Fuck love.

4. No School Work (or job work)
Can’t complain about this one.  It let me finally catch up on Assassin’s Creed III, which I had been waiting for ever since I preordered it back in September.  It was worth it.  That game is awesome!  And getting to let my insomnia not be an anchor in my life was pretty sweet too.  Though it has given me more time to think, which does me no kindness now.  I was hoping to see so many people when I got back home.  Instead, I have seen only one friend, and while I do love her to death, I was hoping to see more.  Now, she is moving away, and everybody else is gone.  And the only person I was hoping to see over break got pissed at me (this isn’t the friend who threw me away.  Somebody else), and now our friendship is hurting.  Irony – for the same reason a best friend threw my friendship in the trash.  But I do get an actual break.  That is pretty damn sweet.

3. Lights
Probably the greatest saving grace about this holiday is the lights on the tree.  I remember how good it made me feel, and how much I was able to get lost in them.  Now, when I look at them, it just hurts.  It seems like no matter how loyal I am to people, my loyalty is not rewarded.  I try so hard to be a good friend, yet what do I get in return?  I get people to throw my friendship away, and to treat me like I am somebody they can use and throw away.  My dedication has been abused, time and time again.  And for what?  The lights are so beautiful.  I stare into them.  I want to get lost in them.  Yet all they do now is remind me why it hurts so much to be me.  It’s no fun being me.  Being me fucking sucks.  Yet they are still beautiful.  If I believed there was a God, he would be in the Christmas lights.  But that’s just me.  I’m weird like that.

2. Sex
Yeah, when I made this list, it made sense why this was close to the top (I made this list a long time ago).  When one has a person that they love, one of the best times of year to express it is during Christmas.  So many holidays kinks, if that’s what one’s into.  There is this one girl who I wish I could share some kinks.  Run my fingers through her brown hair, let my hands satisfy a fetish of mine and fondle her large breasts, to explore every inch of her body.  She is in good shape, but not a super-model.  I am glad of this.  I like my women to look like real women, not some idealized vision of beauty.  She thinks she is in such bad shape.  I really must cure her of this.  And yet, at the same time, I now hate sex.  I hate it so much, because the drive to pursue it, along with love, has completely destroyed a friendship.  See, her boyfriend didn’t like me.  Why?  Got me.  I’ve never met the guy.  This guy doesn’t like me, when all I was at that point, since she lived so far away, was a text and Facebook message to her.  That was it.  Yet apparently, I was causing problems.  Why?  She had no answer, and saw fit to tell me to leave it alone.  I was so tempted to yell and scream that this is bullshit, but what’s the use?  The friendship is dead now.  I am alone again.

And the thing that I liked most about this holiday, and why it was once my favorite holiday is…

1. Eggnog and Brandy
What a perfect combination.  This is, by far, the greatest drink in the mostly-gross history of alcohol.  It all tastes awful to me, except for this and a couple others.  This concoction has seen me through the last week or so, as I come to grips with how things are.  Why did this have to happen?  Why couldn’t it have been stopped, or made less awful?  What could we have done different?  I want to stop asking myself.  I want it to stop hurting.  But it doesn’t.  The booze dulls the pain, but in the end, it does nothing for me but remind me of how pathetically sad it all is.  Still, this drink is amazing.  If you haven’t had it, do.  You won’t regret it.

I want to like this holiday.  I want to think it is a great holiday.  Instead, all I have to think about now is how much I wish it would just go away.  That way, I could cry, and not feel like I am bringing people down.  I have to hide it, because I want people to be happy.  But in the end, I am miserable, and hiding it does nothing to change that.  Fuck love.  Fuck relationships.  Fuck everything to do with this whole holiday.

Fuck Christmas.

Until next time, a quote,

“ I’ve always assumed that love is a dangerous disadvantage. Thank you for the final proof.”  -Sherlock Holmes, Sherlock

Peace out,

Maverick

Santa Isn’t Real, and I Always Knew!

When I was a kid, like most kids, I had parents who told me every year that if I wasn’t good, Santa wasn’t going to give me presents.  I always found that story oddly amusing.  I mean, even as a kid, the logistics of Santa always seemed a little iffy.

I mean, for one – how the hell does one guy get around the world in one night?  That’s impossible!  Even little kid me wasn’t dumb enough to buy that one guy, working alone, could get around the entire face of the Earth in one night, and give presents to everybody.  For another thing – how was he getting the information about if kids were bad or good?  Do parents tell him?  Are all parents snitches?  Do they have a hotline to this guy, telling him what’s what (in the butt) about their kids.  That’s kind of creepy.  I mean, what if Santa was some kind of creepy pedo?  Or a psycho-killer?  Why do they trust this person enough to snitch to him?  That seemed like a problem to me.

And another thing – how would he hide an entire workshop at the North Pole?  I mean, it is incredibly cold up there.  Anyone who has ever done any reading on surviving in polar climates knows that any equipment you make up there must be very modified, to be able to survive the temperatures at that latitude.  Plus, this guy would have to have a truly massive factory.  I mean, have you ever seen how many presents some kids got from the guy?!  This operation would have had to have been huge, in every conceivable way!  There is no possible way that you could hide that kind of operation from the rest of the world.  Plus – the north pole has no land mass  It is all ice.  That’s not a stable place for one’s operation.  The South Pole would make a much better location.  I simply refused to believe that such a place could be hidden, with the rest of us not knowing about it.  Also, do you all remember how there would be radio and TV stations who said that the Air Force was keeping tabs on this guy?  What the hell?!  How did they not know where his factory was?!  To quote Family Guy -

No-no-no-no, nothing about this adds up at all!

Another big thing that came to mind was – how could I never see this guy?  To address the millions, if not billions of homes that he would have to go to, Santa would have to work quickly.  That means that I would have heard SOMETHING.  But I never did.  The little skeptic in me was very suspicious, and I realize pretty quick that there was a flaw in this story that was not being addressed.  The same skepticism that led me to question the existence of Santa Claus would later be put to good use in questioning the validity of religion later on in my life.

But the thing that really destroyed the myth for me – when I heard my parents upstairs, talking about filling the stockings!  I mean, wow, how careless can you get?!  But I was already pretty sure he wasn’t real, so yeah, I didn’t need to hear that he wasn’t real.  I kind of already knew.

It is worth mentioning that the same skepticism about Santa led me to be skeptical of religion, because it was much the same.  Even as a kid, the idea that there is a man, up in the sky, who loves and created all of us, in a world as flawed as this one, never sat right with me.  I think being skeptical is the best way for everybody to be.  This is why, when little kids talk to me, I fill their heads with some of the most ridiculous bullshit that I possibly can.

For instance, I told a younger cousin that there is a monster that lives under the lake, and that each year, the ice groans because he is trying to escape.  I also told the kids of a Jehovah’s Witness that the monsters in video games are real, and that video games is where they live.  Every time any little kid is being told some stuff that is blatantly false, like what their parents are trying to teach them, I tell them the most insane stuff.  And you know what – I have heard stories of it working.  That is part of the reason the Jehovah’s Witness people don’t let their kids hang out with me.  When you tell kids stuff that is so stupid that it can’t be true, and make them think it is, when they find it out isn’t, those little bastards are going to be some of the biggest skeptics ever.  That is how atheism is going to spread!  And it is.  With more and more information being at kids’ fingertips, they are able to find the flaws in everything their parents tell them.  The ways of the old are being replaced by the skepticism and the need for knowledge that the information age has given us.  Truly, this is the greatest time to live.

Now, you might be asking – why do you still love Christmas?  I mean, if you get rid of the Santa commercial angle, and the religious foolishness (because the story of Jesus’ birth is blatantly false), what is there?  Oh, gee, I don’t know, how about these things:

• Eggnog and brandy
• Lights
• Trees with lights and decorations
• People actually being nice
• Hot girls in elf outfits and Santa hats (sometimes with only the hats…)
• Free stuff from various places
• Presents
• My cat
• My cat, again (because she’s so awesome that she needs to be counted twice!)
• Seeing my friends out in the Valley
• Getting to see a woman I am very much in love with (though she doesn’t know, and never will. But I’ve made peace with that)
• Finding that last thing you missed in your stocking
• More eggnog and brandy
• Assassin’s Creed III (I have been good and waiting to play until after the semester is over!  Aren’t you proud of me?!)

So yeah, it’s a lot of fun, you scrooge assholes.  Enjoy it!

Until next time, a dialogue between two friends,

CALVIN:This whole Santa Claus thing just doesn’t make sense. Why all the secrecy? Why all the mystery?If the guy exists why doesn’t he ever show himself and prove it?And if he doesn’t exist what’s the meaning of all this?

HOBBES:I dunno. Isn’t this a religious holiday?

CALVIN:Yeah, but actually, I’ve got the same questions about God.

Peace out,

Maverick

Fox News and their War on Christmas

Well, I said that I would be writing several posts about the ridiculousness of the season during the month of December, and I am a man of my word.  Something that you hear of every time this year comes around, from comedians and people who think that this is just the funniest thing ever, is Fox News and their endless coverage of the “War on Christmas.”  It has been this way for all the years that I have been seriously paying attention to the media.

I like how Jon Stewart got after this on The Daily Show.  See, Fox News has a ritual to this.  A habit that you can easily follow.  See, what they do is they find some part of the country that is well-known and rather liberal, then they find a group of people who is relatively small and has incredibly limited influence over culture, and then their fear-driven charlatan narrative in order to demonize those people, in an effort to get the public against them.

This year, it is the atheist community, in Santa Monica.  The story goes that a bunch of Nativity scenes in kind of an ugly part of the city (and the scenes themselves aren’t that pretty) were complained about.  See, an atheist group wanted their own views represented, so they got one of the displays, and they had their own little scene about Christmas.  Needless to say, the butt-hurt Christians got all kinds of mad, and the affair went to court.  The courts came to a decision that no scenes of any kind should be depicted, and that it was unconstitutional.

And, of course, the moment this happens, the Fox News community decides to go nuts, and have this be another fabricated part of their “War on Christmas.”  Ugh…

Okay, for anyone who could potentially read my blog and watch Fox News for the purposes of actually learning something (a very small possibility, I admit), I need to tell ya something – this is bullshit!  Complete and utter bullshit!  This is the stupidest thing under the sun!  And the fact that it is so well-received by people in this country makes us all look bad!

Here’s the real truth about Christmas – it’s a monster.  It is a beast that has not only taken over all of December, but it has long-since moved its influence into January, and now, it is moving to take all of November as well.  Did you know that some stores were so giddy to get into Black Friday that they moved their sales a day earlier?  I believe they have a name for that day…oh, right, THANKSGIVING!  Where people are supposed to be thankful for what they have!  I like how Stewart put it -

Watch your ass, Halloween, you’re next!

And that’s the fucking truth!  This holiday is so greedy and so money-grubbing that it is wanting everything to be about it.  And once Christmas takes over November, you’re damn right that it’ll move on Halloween.  This holiday is already kind of dull for the adult crowd (unless you’re a hot girl who likes slutty costumes, or a boy who likes to look at that).  This holiday is a beast.

Everywhere you look in this country, Christmas is there.  You can’t walk down the street these days without running into an inflatable Santa.  There are entire radio stations that exist to play nothing but Christmas music.  The TV stations play all the Christmas specials during the time of you, from the good ones, to the shit ones.  Christmas has become a cancer that is consuming society.  If we learned nothing from Black Friday, it is that consumerism that surrounds this holiday owns us.  We are owned by our stuff.  This holiday started as a celebration of the season, and a love of humanity.  Now, it is about DEALS, DEALS, DEALS!  Buy a electric scooter, because walking is for suckers!

But Fox News wasn’t content to just go after atheists.  No, they also had to turn their attention to another group of people who is pretty fun to hate, these days - the gays.  See, Bill O’Reilly, who has already shamed himself with his ridiculously stupid comment that Christianity is not a religion, it’s a philosophy (*jerk-off motion* outright lie!), decided that he would have some guests on his show to offer another opinion.  Here is the opinion of one of those guests -

 The war on Christmas is very, very real, and if you ask me, in addition to some grouchy misanthropic heathen atheists it has to do — at the root of it — with two things — abortion and the gay rights agenda, because Christianity is against those things. It’s subtle but that’s why it’s so pronounced in recent years.

Ugh…give me a minute…

First, “grouchy misanthropic heathen atheists?”  Yeah, I’m a misanthrope, but I guarantee that I am in the minority.  And grouchy?  Have you ever seen O’Reilly’s show?  This has got to be the most miserable, cranky old man in the history of television.  O’Reilly hates the world.  It’s so obvious.  You can’t yell as much as he does on camera and not have some ugly feelings towards life in general.  But far more offensive is the belief that somehow, abortion and gay rights are destroying Christmas.

The ultimate truth about all of this is that Fox News has this brilliant scheme that they can sell every year, to sell hatred.  They are selling bigotry.  They are selling the idea that we should hate people.  They are selling hate, during a time of year when we should be embracing love.  That is kind of sick.  That is how these religious zealots, the demagogues and ultimate charlatans have let themselves become.

Fox News, you sell hatred, during Christmas time.  Fuck you!

Until next time, a quote,

“Because for whatever annoying, local, ticky-tack, Christmas-abolishing story you and your merry band of persecution-seeking researchers can scour the wires to dig up, the rest of us can’t swing a dead elf without knocking over an inflatable snow-globe or a giant blinking candy cane!”  -Jon Stewart, The Daily Show

Peace out,

Maverick

Kid’s Toy Gender Segregation?

Well, for those of you who didn’t want to spend today going into something really intense with me, and were hoping to have a gay old time being silly, I’m afraid that that is not what we’re going to do.  Instead, we are going to talk about something that has always kind of bugged me, but now that Christmas is rolling around, and parents are getting out there, looking for toys for their kids, I thought that I would think about in greater detail.

When I was a little kid, I noticed something about the ads around Christmas time.  All the girl’s toys seemed to follow a kind of theme.  This theme never made a lick of sense to me.  See, it seemed like all the girl’s toys had to be themed toward motherhood, being a wife and being how an antiquated society saw women.  And before you all think I’m some uber-PC liberal, who is trying to get on the hardcore feminist bandwagon, because this has been brought up by them for years, don’t.  These are observations I have had for years, and it has always weirded me out.

See, when I was younger, I had mostly girl friends.  I have always gotten along with the other gender.  My own kind of bored me.  My best friend when I was a kid was a girl, and the girls I met always seemed more interesting.  And they all were interesting to me because they weren’t like other people.  My girly-mates weren’t into doll houses and baby dolls that you could feed and clean and whatever.  They were into anime, Star Wars, Pokemon and Digimon.  This was what the youth of my generation was into.  They didn’t have any inclination towards these toys that I saw constantly being advertised.  So then, the thought in the back of my very young (at the time) mind was – why are they selling this stuff for girls, if the girls I know don’t even want it?  It made no sense to me.

Then I got a little older.  As I got older, I learned more about the world.  I learned about how the world works, and the various elements of it.  I learned about psychology, in-particular.  See, animals don’t play just because they are having fun.  Wolf pups, African wild dog pups, and lion cubs don’t just play for fun, they also do it because through play, the are learning how to survive in the world.  They are learning how to fight, how to chase, how to live in this world that they have.  These games are lessons for their lives to come.

Looking at that logic, I had a question come to me – what are girl’s toys trying to teach them?  Well, let’s look at what’s being advertised.  There are baby dolls that cry, eat, piss and whatever.  What lesson are girls supposed to take from that?  Well, the obvious is – they are supposed to be mothers.  Is it any wonder half of my graduating class in high school was knocked-up or wanting a baby before they even got into college?  You may think is hyperbole, but psychology backs me up on this.  When we teach girls that they are supposed to like babies, and be good mothers, do you really believe that that doesn’t leave some lasting impact on them in later life?  Of course it does!

Then there are dollhouses.  These usually have a mom, a dad, and kids.  The girls are supposed to keep the place clean and be studious to the home.  Sounds like the 50′s wife to me.  Yeah, the 50′s.  The idea that a girl should learn to be a mother, or a good wife sounds like something that came from the 50′s.

Then there is stuff like some of the more recent Barbie collections.  Malibu Barbie, or Beach Barbie.  Blank dolls, who get their entire identity from accessories, clothes, and stuff.  Their entire existence is based on the stuff they own, because that is where their identity comes from.  And you better believe that this will give girls ideas about what society expects of them in the future.

And girls aren’t the only ones that are being influenced by their toys.  Boys are certainly there as well.  Army toys are still a BIG selling point with boys toys.  This dates back to the 50′s as well.  A parent would see their little boy out in the yard, playing with a toy gun, and think to themselves – he’s gonna be a good soldier! (insert redneck accent here) But in reality, is the military a place that you want your little boy to want to go?  Maybe he can go to the Middle East, and get his guts blown out by a road-side bomb.  I’m not dogging on soldiers.  I’m really not.  But I don’t think that any of us want our children to have to be subjected to this life.

Not to mention – if a boy plays with a pink “girl’s toy,” in more families (sadly) than you’d think, there will be hell to pay, because he might just be gay.  And as I have heard parents say before – “No son of mine is gonna grow up be one of them faggots!”

The reality is that we are not giving kid’s valuable life lessons when it comes to the toys that we are giving them.  Now, I will admit that a lot of the stuff like motherhood drive is biology.  Females of any species of high organism do feel the drive to procreate.  But we are reinforcing this.  We shouldn’t be doing that.  Instead, we should be giving kids life lessons on what the world of today is like, and the world that they will be living in.

Or, and I know this will be very hard for many of you to accept, we could let the kids figure out what they like for themselves!  Instead of having a society that has a girl’s toy aisle be nothing but pink girly shit, how about subjecting them to the entire range of stuff out there.  Like I said, most of my girly-mates were playing with the same toys that my guy friends were playing with.  Now, they have grown up into women who are going somewhere with their lives.  None of them have kids.  None of them want what society tells them they are supposed to want.  They grew up into people who actually have a future.  Don’t you want the same for your kids?  I mean, really?  Keep that in mind.

Until next time, a quote,

“The last thing we should be doing in this day and age is encouraging more humans. We need to improve the quality of the crop before we start increasing the yield any further.”  -TJ Kincaid

Peace out,

Maverick

How to be a Christmas Fanatic

Well, it is the 2nd of December.  The magical time of year begins again.  That time of year when you can dust off the old boxes that you keep tucked away in your crawl space, get out the old recipe book, and prepare for the greatest battle of your life.  Against who, you may ask – against the people who don’t take this as seriously as you do!  You know who I’m talking about!  Those losers who say, “chill out, will ya? This time of year is supposed to be fun.”  Screw that!  You know the truth!  The truth that this time of year is a battlefield!  But you’re ready.  You know exactly what to do.  Now, I am going to tell you how you can make the most of your love of this time of year.

1. This time of year should be no fun at all!
They will tell you otherwise, but that’s because they don’t know.  They don’t know.  They have no clue how much work goes in to this holiday.  Between setting up the decorations, the strategic decorating of your Christmas tree so that all your friends and neighbors can be impressed by the selection you have, and the baking of endless goods, where does fun come into the picture?  Nowhere, that’s where!  If you are having fun, that means that you aren’t keeping your eyes on the prize.  What is the prize, you ask?  Well, we’ll get there when we get there.

2. You should have a methodical battle plan.  Remember – this is war!
Don’t let all the happy songs confuse you.  This is a battlefield.  And your weapons are many.  First, there is the decorations.  Over the years, you have surely honed your weapons, gathering the finest of decorations, ready to set them up.  But you don’t just set them any place.  Years of practice have taught you better than this.  You know that you must have a very detailed plan.  Set it up well in advance.  Like any general, you play all your soldiers in the best positions.  And you know each position by heart.  You know every soldier.  This battlefield is one that you have fought in the trenches of before.  Not all battles have been a success, but you have learned from every failure.  Each burned cookie, each broken ornament, each shelf that looked tacky, you have learned from them all!

So you must now make a very detailed plan.  Leave nothing to chance!  You know better than that now.  Each plan of attack, from the setup of your Christmas tree, must be planned to the very smallest detail.  The cookies must be ready to be set up, just in the order that you know they will be well-received.  After all, if something should go wrong, you will fail!  And failure is not an option!

3. Don’t listen to the complaints of your family
There are going to be a lot of people that are going to give you a hard time about your level of dedication to this holiday.  They will say that you are ruining Christmas.  Those poor simpletons.  If only they understood.  The sacrifice, the blood, sweat and tears that go into making this holiday perfect.  Then those ungrateful little bastards wouldn’t be so quick to judge you.  After all, what have then done?!  They just sat around, saying that you are ruining things.  How dare they!  How dare they judge you!  They haven’t earned the right!

But don’t let it get to you.  You have the final prize firmly in your sights.  And nothing is going to deter you from getting there.  You are going to reach that peninsula of accomplishment, and nothing will get in your way.  Nothing…

4. Rest is for quitters!
When I said that nothing should get in your way, I meant it!  Sleep is for people who want to come in second.  Who want to be lesser to you.  Years of this have taught you the absolute truth – you will not be stopped!  Not by one!  Not by friends!  Not by family!  Nothing will get in your way!  You are the person who makes the most out of this holiday, no one else!  And it will all be worth it.  In the end, all your effort won’t have been in vain.  Trust me, you will soon seen the final prize.

5. Never take your eyes off the prize!
The final prize.  The goal of all of your passion, family indignation, and all the suffering that you have had to endure for this holiday.  It will all have been worth it.  All the people who you had to mow down to get the gift that your kid wants.  Sure, you may have cut up some poor little girl who works at Target, but it was worth it.  She’ll heal.  So your daughter got burned.  It’ll teach her to toughen up!  A good life lesson, if you ask me.  So your husband (or wife.  Being a fanatic knows no gender, or sexual orientation) stapled their arm to the house, and had to go to the hospital.  They’ll heal too.  But once you see that end result, you will know that it has not been in vain.  The final prize is -

To get the adulation of those around you, and acknowledgement of how great you truly are!  Sure, you may hate a lot of the people who will give you this recognition, but that makes it all the sweeter.  Those vile lot will see you for the wonderful Christmas warrior that you truly are!  And your supremacy will never, ever be questioned again!  Until next year, when you will do this all over again.  There might be days when you will question why you work so hard, but ignore that.  After all, that’s just doubt.  And nobody likes a doubter! Surely not the Good Lord, who is your guiding light.

Or, you could do what normal people do, and calm the fuck down.  That’s always a good idea too.

Until next time, a quote,

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”  – George Carlin

Peace out,

Maverick

Christianity is a Philosophy?

While I am thinking about Bill O’Reilly (see my last post, you’ll get what I’m talking about), I thought that I would comment on something that he recently said.  In an interview with David Silverman, O’Reilly was talking about the “war on Christmas.”  A fantasy that Christians have dreamed up in order to get sympathy from the public.  It has never, and will never exist.  Kids can still sing Christmas carols (a contention that Glen Beck said they could not), people can still say “Merry Christmas.”  I have heard it plenty of times for as far back as I can remember.  So yeah, this is a mute point.  But when this interview turned into another yelling duet, as all of O’Reilly’s interviews do, O’Reilly decided to point out a rather interesting thing that he believes -

It is a fact that Christianity is not a religion. It is a philosophy.

Really?  That’s a point you’re really making?  Okay, let’s examine this.  For real, let’s take this position and really take it apart, because I want to show you how and why you’re dead wrong.

First, let’s examine what a philosophy claims.

For instance – there is an argument that was put forth by Hume that since all we can know that exists in this world is what we perceive, there can be no supernatural.  Only what one perceives is real.  Kant believed that all moral judgments are based on human nature.  We get our morality from what we naturally are inclined to do.  He also claimed that all events must have a cause.  What was uncaused cannot be.  Aristotle claimed that no emotions are virtues, and that virtue is something beyond that.  These are among the myriad of philosophical arguments.

Here is one of my own – I believe that morality is a system, given to us by those of authority.  They are a code of behaviors that are designed to keep people in line.  I believe that instead of following a system that can be tailored and exploited by the corrupt, we should instead try and use our empathy in order to achieve a true morality that is not tied to any group or leader.  See how that works?

These philosophical tenants, or beliefs, if you must, are made by individuals that correlate with things that are perceived in the real world.  Even questioning reality, as some philosophers have, is still an assertion made with an understanding of what the real world is.  These beliefs cannot be tailored by the supernatural.

With that in mind, let’s take a look at Christianity.  Christianity is a belief system that tells people how the universe came in to be, has a series of stories that almost all involve the supernatural, and tells its audience not to question these beliefs, as that would make them wrong.  They make assertions that are not allowed to be questioned, and go outside of the realms of their own understanding in order to make correct.

I mean, look at the story of the beginning of life on Earth.  God creates the planet, moon, Sun, life and man in six days, while napping on the seventh.  Oh, and he also created billions of other galaxies as an afterthought.  No worries.  Then, he creates a guy and his chick (from his rib, if you believe one of the two Genesis creation stories) and tells them not to eat a fruit, but then, a talking snake tells them that they should, and when they do, they are suddenly self-aware.  And when they do this, evil sky-wizard decides to banish them and curse the world they lived in.  If you follow O’Reilly’s logic, that’s a philosophical argument.

The argument that Christianity is not a religion flies in the face of philosophy.  Christianity asks you to accept what you know is false.  The whole point of philosophy is that if it’s proven wrong, the theory must be adjusted.  Christians don’t do that.  They try and adjust reality to fit their narrow vision.  Back when we didn’t understand earthquakes, the reason for them was because God was mad.  Back when we didn’t understand the water cycle, rain was because God opened up a firmament between Heaven and Earth.  All of these things have been proven wrong by science.  We know the reason for earthquakes.  We know the reason for rain.  We also know that man didn’t get created a few thousand years ago.  We came to be in this world from a slow, gradual process called evolution by natural selection.  We know this, beyond any form of doubt.

But to the religious, this is unacceptable.  They have to have their beliefs make sense.  Since the world of science doesn’t allow that, they turn to something else.  Their beliefs, by understanding what a religion is, are centered around the contingent that they cannot be proven, and must therefore be taken on faith.  Belief in something without evidence.  That is NOT a philosophy.  And any argument that it is is folly and ridiculous.

But here’s the thing that really interests me about O’Reilly’s statement – why are Christians making this argument?  O’Reilly isn’t the first.  I have heard this argument from other Christian apologetics.  But why do this?  Well, that’s pretty obvious – the bad press.

For the bulk of its time on Earth, Christianity has been giving religion a bad name.  This isn’t to say that all Christians are bad, because that isn’t true.  Some atheists will make that argument, but I am not among them.  I know that that is false, and I won’t stand behind it.  However, that said, the actions of the church at large have been monstrous.  The Catholic church has a vast history of genocide, murder, rape, robbery and child molestation.  The number of individual cases is unthinkable.  There isn’t a single brand of Christian, aside from the super-PC liberal ones that try and pass God off as a cool guy who you could smoke a joint with who don’t have some blood on their hands or dirt on their shoes.  The Christian religion has such an ugly history, and is still being ugly today in a way that those who follow it are trying very quickly to walk away from it.  They want to re-brand this belief system as something far less horrible than what it is.

The fact is that Christianity is a religion.  That’s a fact.  But I find this new wave of argument interesting because it says one thing to me – Christians are becoming ashamed to be associated with their religion.  Here’s my question, then – why not leave it?  It worked pretty well for us atheists.  Losing that whole pointless guilt complex worked wonders.

Until next, a quote,

“Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.”  -George Carlin

Peace out,

Maverick

Baby It’s Cold Outside is About Sex

I love old music.  It’s not a mystery to the people who know me that I have a deep affinity for music from way back in the day.  I love Frank Sinatra, Johnny Mathis, all those guys, and some gals, who made music so much fun back then.  But there is something about their music that very few people talk about – how dirty it was!  For real, some of the most pleasant old-school songs are so dirty.  I love it!

For example, have you ever really taken the time out to get to know the lyrics of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside?”  I don’t think you have.  Of course not.  It sounds nice, and it’s a Christmas classic.  Nobody ever invested a lot of time into paying attention to the lyrics.  I never did either, until one year, I was wrapping Christmas presents, and I actually did take the time to pay attention to what Dean Martin was singing.  He wasn’t trying to get that girl to stay for romantic reasons.  He was trying to get into her pants.  I mean, how could it be anything else?  He keeps insisting that she stays, alludes to her taking her clothes off, and talks about how beautiful and delicious she is.  He’s not fishing for love.  He’s fishing for tapping her ass.  Repeatedly.

And don’t you come on here and say I’m wrong.  You know I’m not.  You know that that song is a classic piece of music that is specifically about getting some pussy.  I don’t have a problem with that. I just think its so funny how many people won’t believe that.  Or how many people will say that I’m wrong about Sinatra.  Now, he is probably my favorite of the 50′s musicians.  This guy was not only a good singer, but he was also a mobster!  He was tied in to the mob.  That’s awesome!  I love that.  But if you have ever listened to “The Way You Look Tonight,” he isn’t talking about a girlfriend.  He doesn’t even say that he is in a relationship with the girl he is remembering for how hot she was.  He just says that he will remember her.  Or, listen to “My Kind of Town.”  That song had him talking about all the action he got in Chicago, and how much he loves that town.  These are classic songs, and they are specifically connected to Sinatra’s sex life, not his love life.

Like I said, I’m not dogging.  For real, I’m not.  I love that song.  I love everything Sinatra has made.  But some of these old songs are not only dirty, but some of them are kind of disturbing.  Anybody remember the tune “Mack the Knife?”  That song tells the story, backwards, of a man who rips off the mob, is trying to skip town, and gets murdered by the mob hit-man, Mack the Knife.  It even goes into detail.  Not to the point of being gross, but enough to let us know what happens to the guy Mack kills.  It describes a shark ripping the dead body of this guy open.  Yeah, that’s pretty fucking sick.  I love this song, but I acknowledge what it is.  And so should you.

So, what is the point of this long and rambling bit of nonsense?  Well, the point is that we need to stop thinking that the old days were as pure as the fresh snow, or a Kansas virgin (if such a thing exists).  The reality is that teenagers were having just as much sex, and teen pregnancy rates were larger then than they are now, mostly due to comprehensive sex education and the availability of birth control and condoms.  Kids back then were having sex, doing drugs and being crazy.  The only difference is that we didn’t see it as much back then.  When some dumbass kid back then drove his dad’s Buick into a tree, we didn’t see it.  Now, we have YouTube, where every dumbass teenager’s acts are on display, and get millions of views.

The Leave it to Beaver view of the 40′s and 50′s isn’t nearly as accurate as modern conservatives wish it was.  In fact, since no family is that nice, I have a theory that when the camera was off them, Beaver’s dad was beating his mom, and his older brother and his friend Eddie were having gay sex in the back room.  For real, have you ever noticed how incredibly tight Wally and Eddie were?  Yeah, there was something going on.  Not to mention, if you ever watched the show The Honeymooners, the husband of the show literally threatened to punch his wife in the face every episode.  And we cheered this.  That’s a classic piece of television.  But read between the lines, and that’s kind of sick.  I’m not saying that it was bad television, but I am saying that it isn’t as pure as we want it to be.

I’m not against enjoying stuff from back in the day.  I’m really not.  But can we please stop with the accolades of how those were “more innocent times?”  I mean, it wasn’t.  It just wasn’t.  We had singers singing about getting fucked, and we had a TV show with an abusive husband that we laughed at.  This is the reality of the situation.  And while it was funny, it was also pretty dark, in a lot of ways.  But, that’s how something that makes you laugh should be.  It should tap in to the dark part of you a bit.  But that’s just me.

This is the first of what will be many posts about the absurdities about the holiday season.  I hope you all enjoy them, and the season too.

Until next time, a quote,

“Mom, dad, I like Potsie.  No, I mean I REALLY like Potsie.”  -Richie Cunningham, Family Guy

Peace out,

Maverick

Breaking News! – Pat Robertson Has Cracked the Atheist’s Plan to Destroy Christmas!

I will keep this short, because I am sure that you all don’t want to miss this!  I just got word – Pat Robertson (who you may remember from his bigoted comments about how 9/11 was the fault of the ALCU, pagans, feminists, gays, lesbians, and those for abortion.  Oh, and he also said that the reason for the earthquake in Haiti was because the Haitians sold their souls to the Devil) had discovered the truth!  He has discovered how the atheists plan to destroy Christmas!  Here is the link, now let’s go in to this amazing discovery that Robertson has made.

Well, it’s Christmas all over again.  The Grinch is trying to steal our holiday.

Alright, Pat, you’ve got my attention.  How is the Grinch going to do it?  I mean, with all the vast number of people, he would have to ransack a LOT of homes.  But, let’s leave the ugly details out of this.  What is his plans?

It’s been so beautiful.  The nation comes together.  We sing Christmas carols.  We give gifts to each others.  We have lighted trees.  It’s just a beautiful thing.

Yeah, that is pretty nice.  It’s the reason that an atheist like me gets in to the season.  I mean, with all the endless BS that happens the rest of the year, I am definitely down with that.  I grew up with it.  A lot of my atheist friends kind of get on me about how I am still into Christmas and still celebrate it.  Well, for any of you who want to know my reasons in-depth, here is a blog where I laid it all out pretty plain.  I like this season.  I think it’s a lot of fun.  And for my atheist friends who go on about how bad it is – chill the fuck out!  It’s a season about lights and decorations and presents and food!  The religious bullshit has been consumed by consumerism!  Trust me, I am going to be writing about that in this year’s Christmas post.  Or one of the ones leading up to it.  I haven’t decided.  Yet.  So yeah, this is a great time of year.  What’s gotten you so worked up, Pat?

Atheists don’t like our happiness.  They don’t want you to be happy.  They want you to be miserable.

Uh…what?  No, really, I don’t get it.  How did you come to this conclusion?  It makes no sense.  I mean, how are the atheists trying to keep people miserable?  By being all nice and stuff around the holidays?  By trying to be happy with our fellow humans?  I really am pondering how you came to the conclusion that atheists want people to be miserable.  Do you think that we’re miserable?  Well, while I may have depression, which stems from a head injury, I know plenty of atheists who are happy as a bunch of fucking clams.  So yeah, I don’t get this.  But please, continue.

They’re miserable, so they want you to be miserable.

I’m just dying to see what evidence you produce to back up this unbelievably ridiculous hyperbole.

So they want to steal your holiday away from you.

That’s it?  That’s your support to the statement that we want all Christians to be miserable?  Wow.  That’s just…dumb.  I mean, I have called you a heartless bigot in the past, who could give a shit about the human race, and couldn’t care less about anyone, since it is blatantly obvious that you only care about making money, but you know what – I am just ashamed at this point.  I mean, this is so pathetic that I honestly feel bad for the dim-witted followers who hang on your every word.  These people have no idea how sad and lonely you are.  You talk about how you are so happy, because you have Jesus, but a man who is as much of a money-grubber and charlatan as you, you can’t be happy.  I genuinely refuse to believe that you are a happy person.  Happy people don’t need to take and take and take money from people the way that you do.  Instead, I think you are one of the most miserable people on Earth, and you need to get yourself a hug, from somebody who actually gives a shit, not just some pathetic follower who you probably bribed to get that hug.

You’re a sad man, Pat.  Get yourself some love.  The real kind.

Until next time, a quote,

“This man, and I call him man in the loosest possible sense of the word ‘man,’ is a hideous and twisted and mangled parody of a human being.”  -TJ Kincaid, Pat Robertson: Worst Person Ever 

Peace out,

Maverick

Christmas Brings out the Jerk in People

Let me begin by saying that I am not advocating for not giving people things and not having a good time.  What this post is going to be about is keeping everything in perspective.  I want to keep things in perspective because as much as I love this time of year, this year in-particular has made me face the reality that while I have a very good Christmas, I got to thinking about the people that I know, and who I care very much about, who did not.  But when I see shit like what I am going to reference you too below, I won’t lie, it pisses me off.

I didn’t get an iPhone fuck Christmas I’m seriously so pissed

That’s right, kids, for those of you who live in poverty here in this country, I am going to introduce you to a class of people who are truly oppressed – American teenagers.  As you saw above, they are really afflicted this Christmas season.  They aren’t getting iPhones!  Oh god, this is just the worst!  This is absolute hell on Earth!  Why, oh non-existent God, why?!

My parents are the worst mother Fucking parents in the world fuck you mom and dad for not getting me a Iphone. FUCK YOU. FML.

I know most of you already know, but FML means “fuck my life.”  That’s right, this little shit has the nerve to basically make it sound like he is going to swallow the business end of a gun barrel because he didn’t get an iPhone for Christmas.  Wow…just, wow.  That is inspiringly greedy.  The level of greed displayed here is nothing short of awe-inspiring.  Nobody can be this greedy naturally.  It has to be taught to somebody.  I’ll get to that in a minute.

Fucking hate that kindle bullshit. Returning and getting an iPad. Most definately.

Yes, because reading is such a bad thing.  I’m with you, kid.  Why read, when you can sit and pretend you’re playing music on an iPad!  Or hey, maybe you can make squiggles or any other amount of useless pointless bullshit.  But being able to read, that is so worthless!

welp…didn’t get a car. not trying to sound greedyy buht.. damn…

A little late for that, sweetheart.  I think her parents should give her the car, on the off-chance that she will drive it off a cliff and deprive the human race of her stupidity.

 Just cried for like two hours straight cause I didn’t get a car…

The greed of these kids know no limits.  This person cried for two hours because they didn’t get a fucking car.  Unreal.  You know, I’m not even going to talk about the massive plethora of people outside of this country who are rotting away in starvation, or being massacred in genocide, with the American people trying to show that they do care, while they don’t.  Instead, I am going to talk about the people right here in my own country who are suffering, really suffering.

I have a good friend who didn’t get a Christmas of any kind this year.  Her and her mother’s big celebration was renting a movie, and getting to watch it.  Both of them are just scraping to get by in this country.  She had no tree, no presents, no nothing.  And she was miserable this year because of how much her life had gone to shit recently.  It actually did break my heart a little to know that this person who is a very good friend of mine, whose company I enjoy incredibly much got nothing.  I wished I could have had her out to my place, to spend the holidays with us.  So yeah, you fucking crybaby bitch, you didn’t get a car.  Boo-fucking-hoo, you greedy cunt!

Am I the only one who didn’t get an iPhone or a car? Dang.

No, sweetie, you didn’t get an iPhone or a car, and you certainly aren’t the only one.  There are people in this country who didn’t get FUCKING FOOD for Christmas, you ungrateful, entitled piece of shit!  If each person who posted these comments on Twitter died, the world would be a better place.  Not one of them is worth anything.  Not one of them is actually worth the air that they breathe.  They are a waste of oxygen.

I keep yelling WHERE’S MY IPAD at the most incovenient times…think they’ll get the point??

If the point is that these people obviously failed at parenting, then yeah, I hope they did.  But knowing how stupid these parents clearly are, probably not.

I hate how my mom has to ruin Christmas be getting everyone stupid gifts..where the hell is the iphone I asked for?! bitch!

Hey Sarah’s parents, feeling proud?

Didn’t get an iPad for the second year in a row. I’m never celebrating Christmas again. #maybenextyearilltryhanukkah

You know, there are a couple of things that really get me about these posts.  1. That these kids just come to hate this time of year because of one stupid thing, and 2. That not one of these kids realizes that they are bitching about something that they are being given for free!  They don’t have to work for this.  They don’t have to actually get up off of their asses and try to make a decent effort.  No, that would be too hard.  They don’t want to get a job, actually work for what they have.  That would be asking WAY too much for these little fuckers.  Nope, you all are bitching because it wasn’t given to you for free.

Wanna know a nifty irony – most of these kids got their greedy-ass Tweets re-Tweeted.  A lot of them took their Tweets down when it came to light what a bunch of greedy piece of shit they are.  They put up new tweets about how they are so thankful for what they have.  Yeah, the ones who kept them up there, at least they stuck to their guns.  They didn’t have to shove the blind and pitiful hypocrisy down our throats that they aren’t complete pieces of shit, even though they are.  I am actually respecting the greedy jerks who kept their Tweets up more than the greedy jerks who took them down.

But where there are those who left them up, there are those who tried to justify their greed.  I shit you not!

 STOP FUCKING TWEETING AT ME , YOUR ALL RAPIST PEDOPHILES

Yes, we are rapist pedophiles for pointing out that you are a greedy bitch, Mikaela.  That makes perfect sense.

Lmao I tweeted about not getting my iPhone and all these twitter dick riders caught feelings. Can I live? lmao

There isn’t a word for how much people like me hate people like you.  They think that their greed is justified, and if we call their stupid asses on it, we are “twitter dick riders.”  Yeah, you can live, douchebag, but you can live with us hounding you, and hopefully ostracizing you from all decent social interaction for the rest of your life.  For real, you suck, and I hope you die alone.

Look, we are all a little greedy in this country.  I catch myself being that way, as I’m sure all of you do.  It comes with being in the richest country in the world.  But we don’t wear the greed that we have on our sleeves.  We don’t sing about it to people that we don’t know.  We don’t talk about our greed like it’s a good thing.

Now, I know plenty of teenagers who are like me – grateful for what we have received.  They probably also have friends like me, who got little to nothing at all this Christmas.  And we try and help those people.  My good friend I talked about above, I try and help.  I talk with her on the phone, online, letting her know that while it isn’t the best day, she isn’t alone, and doesn’t have to feel hardcore-sad this Christmas.

I hope you all had a good Christmas, and I hope you have tried to help the people you know, who had it hard this time of year.  Have a wonderful new year.

Until next time, a quote,

“And look, we all have a selfish side to us.  But there’s a reason you don’t just fly that flag like, ‘yeah, I’m a selfish fuck and I’m proud!’  Cause it’s not a very desireable personality trait.”  -TJ Kincaid, WORST PEOPLE EVER? 

Peace out,

Maverick

My Grown-up Christmas List

When I was a kid, life seemed so much simpler.  Christmas was such an amazing time of year because I hardly got any sleep, wondering what presents I got.  I think all kids are greedy little bastards, but perhaps that’s okay.  I mean, it comes but once a year, and it makes them happy.  That’s not a bad thing, right?  As a grown-up, I now think about what I want.  What I really want.  None of it is material.  The gifts that I truly want are, well, see for yourself

• I want a place where I can sleep.
  I’m tired all the time, but while my body may rest, it isn’t sleep.  It is just being unconscious.  To me, being able to sleep means finding a place where my mind can find solace.  The only time that has ever happened was in the arms of another.  I am casually sleeping with somebody, but it isn’t for the sex.  At least, not completely.  It is for the quiet moments, and being able to sleep again.  I have missed sleep so much.  I have missed being able to not be alone at night.  I am still looking for a real relationship, for real love, but for now, I am glad for this.  However, what I truly want is a place where I can find true sleep.
• I want my friends to be able to have good lives.
  So often, I talk to my friends, the people that I care about most, and I hear all the hardship, all the pain, all the effort, with so little gain.  One friend is going to be working two jobs just to get by, almost never doing anything fun.  It is a bitter truth – that she has to do that.  Then there is my best friend.  She works so unbelievably hard.  She is absolutely swamped.  This semester, she was broken by a relationship coming apart so bad that she was physically ill for some time.  But she still kept at it, still stood strong.  She has so much work on her plate because she has to live.  She is going to college, while also working every chance that she isn’t in class.  She busts her ass, and will still just barely be scrapping by.  Her home life is hell too.  This isn’t the kind of life that a person should be forced to live.  I know that there are so many others who have that and worse, and I wish they all could be happy, but these people are the ones that are right in front of me, and I wish that they could have a joyful life.
• I want a place that I feel welcome at.
  I come back here, day in and day out, I am made to feel like crap.  I am told about how I am just so worthless, how I am so disrespectful, how I am so rude, how I am so dumb.  All I ever hear in this place anymore is about how awful a child I am.  I hear about how I never help, and about how I never listen.  I hear about how I do this wrong, that wrong, how I am not doing enough.  I wake up to it, I got to sleep to it.  I am so unbelievably bitter, but nobody cares.  They only care that they get “help.”  Like I have never helped anybody around here ever.  No, I am cooking dinner for them, helping with two Christmas dinners, but no, I’ve never done anything to help anybody.  And this is how it always is.  I hate this place.  I hate everything about it.  I hate the bright lights, I hate the colored paper.  I fucking hate Christmas!  No, I don’t hate Christmas – I hate everything!  I hate every single aspect of this fucking house and whenever I am here, in the summer or winter, I get to hear about what a bad son I am.  Fuck this place!  I want out!  I want a home where I can go and always feel welcome.  This home is nothing but an emotional gulag, and the people in it are my jailors.  If I could have, I would have stayed in Anchorage.  I always would.  I have never, and will never feel at home here.  I wish there was somewhere that did.
• I want time to pass slower.
  There are so many times that I am with somebody whose company I enjoy so much, but it is so incredibly brief that it isn’t like we got to spend time together at all.  I am gone from their company in a blink.  That really sucks.  It seems like all the really good moments that I get are so incredibly brief.  It’s almost like they don’t happen.  I would shed a tear about it, if I still had tears to shed.  I lost those ages ago.
• I want there to be some kind of meaning to it all.
  It seems like all the pain and suffering that I went through with my head injury, and still go through with the medical hell my life has become, and all of the shit that happens to everybody I care about (the few that there are), like it is all just part of a rigged game that you can’t escape, so why bother?  That’s a horrible paradigm to have to work with.  If only there was a reason to it all.  I secretly know there isn’t.  There is no God, so that’s out.  There is no supreme being or magical entities or anything.  We are all just on a speck of rock floating in the vastness of the cosmos, clinging to existence at the edges of nowhere.  But part of me wishes that there was a reason.  I don’t wish for God or gods, let me be understood.  I wish for reason.  It may not make sense to you, but there is a reason.

So that’s it, that’s the Christmas list that I have as a grown-up.  I really want these wishes to come true, but they won’t.  Instead, I will just keep going, not knowing what to do.  Life sucks, it really does.  I keep trying, but in the end, the end result is the same – that I am just going through the motions of living.  I don’t care about life, not really.  I just keep going thinking that someday, maybe, it will all be better.  Part of me has given up hope to that point.

Until next time, a quote,

“”I choose to believe that the white light people sometimes see… they’re all just chemical reactions that take place when the brain shuts down…. There’s no conclusive science.  My choice has no practical relevance to my life, I choose the outcome I find more comforting…. I find it more comforting to believe that this isn’t simply a test.”  -Gregory House, House M.D.

Peace out,

Maverick