Top 10 Series with Disappointing Endings

Okay, I fully realize how hard it is to really come up with a good story and especially a good series, and find a good way to end it.  I am not going to go on about the series that the endings were a little weak, but acceptable, like The Wire.  That show had a clever allusion in it’s ending that even though we don’t know what will happen to all the main characters, the idea was that everything just goes on, and you have to accept that.  That’s clever.  I’m also not going to get on series that have bittersweet endings, like Cowboy Bebop, because I like those.  I really have no problem with an ending that leaves a little bit of a sadder tone.  This post is about the ending that just showed no respect for what story they were telling, and the fans who enjoyed it.  That said, I hope you enjoy.  I had enjoyed these series, until the end…

10. Neon Genesis Evangelion
Now, I want to clarify that I get why the ending of this show was so bad.  The creators of the series ran out of money, so they cobbled together what they had and tried to create a pseudo-psychological ending that would somehow bring it all to a close.  And it failed, badly.  Not only was it the most boring ending that I have gotten to see, but it also was totally worthless.  Honestly, in this instance, they should have just cut their losses and ended the show where it was, because again, I would have understood.  This was just boring, and a waste of time.  Now there was a movie made later with what they had wanted the series to be, but I would have preferred the series not end, and for the film to then end it for me.  Still, it is low on the list because I get why it happened, I just don’t care for what they did with it.

9. Fullmetal Alchemist
Now, this series ending isn’t bad because of no closure, or even no character development.  It actually almost got everything right.  Edward came to peace with who he was, and who he had become.  Alphonse was ready to give up his life in order to finally do the right thing.  Winry was ready to love Edward.  Colonel Mustang got his revenge and finally stood up for what he believes in.  The Elrics’ father had filled in the rest of the story about the Homogulus and how they were created.  Everything was coming together just perfectly.  I was even actually very impressed when Al sacrificed his life to get Edward back and give him his body back.  I really would have been totally accepting of that ending.  It’s bittersweet, but that was kind of the point of the entire series – that the boys had lost something, but gained something as well.  Instead, they did something that just bugs me with the ending – leave it on a dismal note, deliberately setting up a film sequel.  I hate that so much.  You know, why did Edward end up in our world, anyway?  If they had had him sacrificing his limbs and Al’s memory, but staying in that world, I would have been okay.  Instead, it was just shoe-horning an ending to make room for a film.  Fail…

8. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
This series was an example of something that REALLY gets under my skin – no closure.  There was no closure whatsoever.  Not only that, it didn’t feel like it was over.  Maybe that was Joss Whedon’s idea, showing that the fight never truly ends, but this was the series finale.  We wanted to feel like it was done.  You never find out what happens to any of the characters (save Spike, but that was in the other and much less good show, Angel), you don’t get any new perspective.  It just is like – whelp, that’s over with.  What?!  No, we cared about some of these characters (emphasis on SOME), where do they go after this?  In the end of House M.D., they showed brief clips of what happened to them, and that was fine.  Why couldn’t this show do the same?  A lot of people will claim the follow-up comics did that, or that we could fill in our own plot, but that is just justifying after the fact, and totally worthless.

7. Mass Effect
Angry Joe did a great video about all the problems that were wrong with this ending, which I’ll link to here, but I thought I would add my two-cents.  Like Angry Joe, I hate endings where a new character is introduced at the last second, and I hate endings that also disregared everything that the fans loved about the series.  People invested a lot of time into this series, and what we got for our money was just a complete cop-out in every sense of the word.  Fans of the series were burned by this ending.  Of course, there are some who think that it was okay, but honestly, when the developers told us that there were going to be all sorts of other endings, admit it, you felt like we deserved more for what they gave us.  Three endings, almost all the same.  Complete bulllshit.

6. The Sopranos
The end of this series has kind of become a running gag that will forever be a shame upon HBO.  Remember what I said about no closure, this series embodies that in the worst way possible.  It literally ends with a cut to black, right in mid-sentence.  You find out nothing about the characters, nothing about the family, and nothing about the people who were involved.  Buffy the Vampire Slayer didn’t give us much at the end, but it at least gave us an ending.  What the hell did this series do?  Just decided – okay, I’m done!  That’s another thing that REALLY gets under my skin – when you can tell that an author or creator was tired of the series and wanted it to be over, which was clearly the case with this ending.  What a joke.

5. Heroes
Talk about a series that went from A+ to F- in a second.  This series had a lot of potential, but quickly lost it.  The second season was a bore.  The third had a brief pick-up in effort and respect, but then the fourth ended with something else that totally annoys me – having a HUGE development right at the end and knowing that it will never be addressed.  Claire reveals her super-healing ability, effectively making public the existence of super-heroes.  That is something that could have had an entire show based around it, but instead, it just ends, with the makers of the show knowing that it will never be talked about again.  Ending like that just piss me off, and thankfully are a very rare thing.  Still, a pity that this series snuffed out so fast.  It had a lot of potential.

4. Star Wars
Now, let me make one thing clear – I am not talking about the films in numerical order.  Star Wars Episode VI: The Return of the Jedi is a piece of cinematic mastery.  I am talking about them in production order.  This is actually about all three prequel movies.  These movies sucked, absolutely sucked.  Episode I: The Phantom Menace was pure garbage which completely forgot the previous and far-better trilogy.  The following two films were not only boring, but lacked all of the integrity of the other films.  The acting was beyond awful, the plot was boring, but the worst part is that it COMPLETELY forgot all of the canon established in the original films.  Obi-Wan wasn’t being trained by Yoda in the prequels.  He didn’t meet Anakin as a grown-up pilot in the prequels.  Huge posts have been made burning the reputation of these pieces of garbage to the ground, but they have most certainly earned a place on this list because the final ending was the more overdone and over-dramatic piece of cinema that I have ever seen.  Avoid at all costs!

3. Star Trek Voyager
Of all the series’s on this list that offered NO closure whatsoever, this one is the absolute worst.  We grew up with these characters.  We watched them struggle and fight and many die so that they could get home.  And what happens next?  Nothing.  It just stops.  You never find out what happened to anybody.  Why not?!  Why couldn’t we see Captain Janeway get promoted to Admiral, as you find out she was in the final Next Generation movie?  We wanted to see that, along with Lieutenant Kim getting to command his own ship, or see whatever becomes of Chakotay.  How about Seven of Nine?  Does she end up under the Federation’s microscope?  Does she become a Starfleet officer herself?  Doe she get an outfit that isn’t so ridiculous? (honestly, she looked better in uniform!  Did you see the episode where they had her in a normal Federation uniform?!) There were a million and one questions we wanted to know about what happens to these characters, and not one of them is answered.  It was like the people who made the show forgot why we watched it – to see them get home.  And part of seeing them get home is seeing where the go from there.  Instead, it just shows the ship getting back to Earth, then done.  Bullshit!

2. His Dark Materials
It’s ironic that The Amber Spyglass is one of my favorite books, yet I hate the ending so much.  It made me cry when I read it the first time.  Everything in this series was going right.  Will and Lyra were finally able to admit their love for each other.  They were going to be together.  Miss Coulter and Lord Asriel were dead, and the organization behind them was destroyed.  That was so perfect, and what did we get?  We get the two characters getting torn apart, with no chance of being able to see one-another again, and honestly, that’s all one needs to know!  That is all the bullshit right there.  No, book, you don’t tear apart the main characters and then shoe-in a reason for it.  It is heart-breaking for a kid’s book, and totally out of place, given how well everything was coming together at the end.

But as much as I have problems with all of those endings, as much as I can get annoyed, they are as nothing compared to my #1 pick.  Every time I see this it pisses me off.

1. Animorphs
Remember all the reasons I had for why endings piss me off?  This is an amalgamation of ALL of them.  For a children’s series, this was an amazing one.  The themes were incredibly mature, yet easy for a young audience to grasp.  The characters we all knew and we could understand their struggle.  Right up until the very last book, the conflict was amazing and the character depth was at a fever pitch.  Then the last book came, and spit in the face of everything that the series had done.
The first problem is that it was OBVIOUS that K.A. Applegate was tired of the series.  This book was so rushed that you could see she was just trying to get it out and be done with it.  When you make a series, you have an obligation to the people who have been loyal fans, to not just slack off and give them bullshit in the last act.  And that is exactly what this was.
The second problem is that this was written deliberately to avoid having to talk about one of the key conflicts which we all wanted to see how it would resolve – Rachel.  Rachel was arguably the most dynamic character, going from an adrenaline junkie to almost a sociopath, with a need to kill Yeerks and a definite enjoyment from it, to the detriment of almost all of her inter-personal relationships.  Even her own mother is scared by what she was becoming.  Everybody was eager to see how that situation would resolve itself by the end.  But what did we get?  They just killed her off.  And to make it worse, they then decided to rub our noses in it with The Ellimist Chronicles.  Fuck you!
The third problem is that for the surviving characters, there was no real closure.  You get bits and pieces of a closure, but never anything concrete.  It just kind of happens, and you have to accept it.  Sure, it did address some of the big issues, like Jake’s inner turmoil, and Tobias losing his humanity completely and just becoming a bird, but you NEVER see what happens to Ax.  Sure, you hear it being told to them, but we wanted to see it!  Cassie and Marco are glossed over.  The entire end feels like something that was just rushed out of the gate.
But the final problem, and the worst, is that it has a HUGE development that is never addressed right at the end.  Ax is in danger, and the group flies off to face some kind of unknown super-monster.  Okay.  But that’s it.  They are just flying off to go and fight.  What?!  What the fuck is that?!  We wanted to see an end, god-dammit!  I hate this book.  I hate it so fucking much, yet it is what I have to stomach.  I choose to think that the series had no ending, it’s that bad.  I’ll take the Evangelion route and just accept a complete lack of an ending over this crap.  Worthless piece of shit…

If you are going to make something, you have an obligation to see it through.  I guess that these creators didn’t get the memo, especially K.A. Applegate.

Until next time a quote,

“And were an epitaph to be my story I’d have a short one ready for my own. I would have written of me on my stone: I had a lover’s quarrel with the world.”  -Robert Frost

Peace out,

Maverick

Top 10 Villain Songs

I don’t think that I am surprising anyone when I say that I love villains a million times more than I will ever like the heroes.  Villains have charisma.  Villains have charm.  Villains can be fun.  And what makes it better is when you have a cool villain with a really cool song, that can bring a chill to your bones, or make you feel an intense passion, or the character’s pain.  This is a list that is gives credit to the song that really brought a smile to my face, or a chill to my bone.  Hope you enjoy!  (All songs described will be linked on the names)

10. Shiver my Timbers
Muppet Treasure Island
This has got to be the strangest opening to a Muppet movie that I have ever seen, and I love every minute of it.  This song has such a cool beat, such a cool set-up, and is suprisingly dark for a Muppet movie.  It tells the story of murderous thugs, burying their treasure on an unknown island.  The lyrics are very fun, and so are all the fun little creatures that they got to do the voices.  Of all the Muppet movies, this was by far the most violent, which is something to be said for the franchise, considering that it has always had one of the saddest moments in film history.  It was a cute addition to a cute movie.

9. You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch
Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas
This is a classic villain song, probably the classic.  This song is great just because of the incredibly descriptive nature of it.  I mean, listen to the lyrics and the imagery is great.  It really does make the Grinch out to be the biggest villain in the history of evil villains, and all while not saying a single violent thing.  Only through the power of words can you sense the evil.  What makes it better is that he isn’t really doing anything that horrible.  Dr. Seuss had a hand in writing the lyrics for this song, and you really can tell.  It’s an awesome classic, with a memorable villain.

8. What You Feel
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
I love and hate this show.  There are elements about it that are kind of awesome, and there are elements of it that annoy the living shit out of me.  This song pairs up both, and in a way that I love so well.  It is the introduction of the episode’s villain – Sweet.  This demon is a guy who morphs reality into a musical, summoned from a necklace.  He is summoned by the part of this show I HATE – Dawn Summers.  I hate her character so incredibly much.  She whines, she cries, she bitches.  Nothing about her is likeable in the slightest.  But the thing I love most about this song is that Sweet almost totally ignores her.  It is like Joss Whedon’s subconscious realized that he created a character who is so bad, and created this villain to not even care what she has to say.  He has style, he has grace, and he is overall a cool villain.  What’s not to love?

7. Hellfire
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
I kind of wish that this movie had stuck with the original story more.  That would have given this song a lot more power, because there, Frolo was a priest.  Attacking religion, always a good time.  But for what it is, it is still awesome.  The intensity is incredible.  Frolo is singing about how he is a good Christian, but still wants to bang this Gypsy.  It was surprisingly dark for Disney, and I do mean that literally.  I was kind of shocked how this man was so serious about killing her and sending her to Hell.  For real, that’s the premise.  That he is going to take this woman’s life, and make her burn forever in hellfire.  Not something you see coming from Disney, right?  So yeah, great song, and if he had been a priest, it would have been better.

6. Friends on the Other Side
The Princess and the Frog
The visuals in this song are just incredible.  It is a lot like Poor Unfortunate Souls, but in a much less stupid movie.  Keith David has a surprisingly good singing voice, and with this song, it is great.  The flow of it is perfect.  It’s kind of strange that Randy Newman wrote this song, seeing as how he almost never makes a single good piece of music.  But here, it works.  I love how this guy can do very southern dance while playing his voodoo.  His shadow working with him is just great, and you gotta low how he seems to be too cool for school.  But it is the visuals that make this piece.  It starts out pretty simple, just his shop of voodoo.  But as the song builds, the spirits he can channel come out, and the colors get brighter and brighter, yet still retain the bizarre creep to them.  And unlike Poor Unfortunate Souls, he is only trying to help the guy for a minute, and then he turns on him and curses him.  Very, very fun.

5. Pretty Women
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
This song is probably the coolest of the ones on here, but not my favorite.  It’s cool because of the set-up.  In the song, Sweeney Todd is preparing to kill the judge who he holds responsible for sending him to prison and destroying his life.  He sings about the women in their lives.  What’s ironic is that both him and the judge are singing the exact same song, but both of them have entirely different interests.  Todd has revenge in his heart, while the judge has love.  The song builds and builds as you can tell the Todd’s emotions are running high.  It gets weird and weirder, until he is getting the point where he is about to strike.  This song sound so pleasant at first, and by the end, you are biting your nails.  It’s awesome.  This was a great revenge story, and it could only have been told from the mind of Tim Burton.

4. Oogie Boogie’s Song
The Nightmare Before Christmas
You gotta love Tim Burton.  This was the song introducing the villain who you saw very little of.  A lot of people thought that this character was racist.  Well, you’re dumb.  This character was very cool, and although you saw him for a short time, he definitely left his mark.  If you didn’t see his character, and just heard the song, I bet you’d imagine him like a suave gangster-type in a nice suit.  But instead, you get a rather disturbing creature made entirely of bugs.  Still, I love this song because of the visuals and the pacing.  It goes from a dark and sinister appearance, to a colored and almost Vegas-like appearance.  The colors contrast with the back-up singers, and their talents.  It also compliments the nature of the villain, since he is a gambling man.  Very, very cool, along with dark and twisted.  This film had a lot of great pieces of music, and ironically enough, this one isn’t my favorite of them all.

3. Legal Assassin
Repo: The Genetic Opera
Ah, Anthony Stewart Head, another of the things from Buffy the Vampire Slayer that I liked.  This guy has a surprisingly good singing voice, and in this, he is perfect.  Now, you might be saying – but he’s not the villain.  Well, the thing about this movie, it left it kind of ambiguous as to who the heroes are, and who the villains are.  He definitely does villainous things.  He kills people, rips out their organs, and then gives them back to the company whence they came.  This song gives the back-story that led to him to becoming a professional murderer.  It showed how he may even have been directly responsible for killing his wife.  He is given an offer – become the Repo Man, or go to prison.  And you also get to see that his murderous job has led to the creation of a very sadistic split-personality.  All in all, great song, and one of many from a great movie.

2. Be Prepared
The Lion King
I recently found out something really cool about this song.  It turns out, while Jeremy Irons does the actual voiceover for most of this song, it suddenly switches to Jim Cummings.  This guy’s voice work is so perfect, it’s almost impossible to tell.  Totally blew me away when I found out.  But this is a great song.  The visuals are great, going from dark and unpleasant to bright and sinister.  The bit with the hyenas marching in lock-step is great, because it is a very clever metaphor to Nazi Germany, or North Korea.  It’s such a cool metaphor.  And this is a great song.  It’s kind of a pity that Scar became a total bitch when he achieved power, because this was a cool song, and he was pretty awesome before-hand.  Another thing is that I HATED every other song, save this one.  This is the one saving grace in the music of this film.  Which is good, because this song goes with everything perfectly.

So, what is on the top of this list?  The creepiest song you have ever heard.

1. Only You
Batman: Arkham City
Now, you could say – this song wasn’t made just for him!  Well, you’d be right.  But honestly, the way he is singing it, and the context to when this is happening, this is his song.  It is a classic love song, but the way that this guy sings it, it is beyond disturbing.  It is left as an answering machine message at the end of the game.  The Joker is singing this to Batman.  It really was a testament to Mark Hamill’s final role as the Joker, and honest, this couldn’t possibly have been more disturbing.  If you listen closely at the end, you can actually hear a bit where the Joker is crying.  He knew that he was going to die, and this is his final requiem.  It is always something that I have pondered – what will Batman do when the Joker is dead?  It is very heavily implied that those two need one-another.  Batman gave the Joker’s life meaning, and the battle with the Joker gave the idea of Batman meaning, because the Joker was an enemy who couldn’t be stopped.  But, now he is dead.  It’s over.  What will become of him?  It’s an almost tragic question, and a very tragic ending to a game, which was very, very cool.

Until next time, a quote,

“I hope you’re doing your best here Bats, because I just had a horrible thought – we might both actually die here tonight!”  -The Joker, Batman: Arkham City

Peace out,

Maverick

Top 10 Most ANNOYING Male Leads

Well, since I did a list about the top ten women who were leads who just plain annoyed me, I thought that I would now put out my list of the male leads who annoy the CRAP out of me!  I hope you enjoy.  I know I didn’t.  I am going to anger a lot of fans here from a lot of popular shows.  Good times.

10. Will Turner
Pirates of the Caribbean
This guy has got to be one of the worst things in cinema history.  I mean, we all watched the Pirates of the Caribbean films for Jack Sparrow, and all the while those films were going on, I just thought that Will was his gay friend.  For real, nothing about him was interesting.  He was put in that movie for the same reason my top picks were put their film series – eye candy.  He was about as emotionally deep as a block of wood.  The only reason he did well as Legolas in Lord of the Rings is because he was right for that role.  Tall, pretty, girlie, that works.  And he had emotional depth because Peter Jackson is a good director.  But here, he is just a pretty boy with about as little personality as possible.  He is also a complete tool.  He is used by his woman, and when he finally does get a personality in the third film, it is kind of too little, too late.  I liked the third film, it’s a guilty pleasure of mine, but yeah, he suck.

9. Quatre Winner
Gundam Wing
You know what sucks about this character – he had a lot going for him.  The idea was interesting.  He is a young man who comes from a family of pacifists, but decides to fight the group OZ anyway.  He throws away his inheritance for this cause, and it is pretty profound.  However, the delivery is AWFUL!  He is such a whiny, whiny, preachy little bitch.  This guy is all about peace and love and all that junk.  It makes for a really boring and really annoying character.  The problem is that he just doesn’t fit the archetype he is supposed to be in.  If it showed more inner turmoil about him selling out his family and his beliefs, that might be more interesting, but as it stands, its really dull.  It is a really good show still, but this character didn’t help.

8. Superman
Superman (I know, Duh)
Okay, where do I start with how annoying this guy is.  It’s my opinion that a good 90% of all comic book films and comic book characters, suck.  Badly.  And here is the greatest example.  Look what this guy stands for – truth, justice, and the American way.  Who talks that way?  This guy is so ANNOYING!  Plus, he’s totally unfair as a hero.  Bullets bounce of the guy, and almost no amount of physical punishment does any significant damage to him.  He is so incredibly cheap.  And think about this – he is the world’s greatest stalker!  He follows Lois Lane everywhere.  He even follows her home and watches her eat!  This dude is not only annoying and cheap, but he’s also a super-creeper.  All in all, this dude just needs to be shot, with a kryptonite bullet.

7. Spiderman
Spiderman (Again, I know, Duh)
Here’s another superhero who just plain sucks.  I have hated every single version that has been introduced.  I hated the old cartoon, I’ve hated the new cartoons, and I hate the film version most of all.  I think part of the problem of why he is so annoying is because of the universe he inhabits.  It’s filled with people who scream AT THE TOP OF THEIR LUNGS FOR NO REASON!  There is only so much screaming that one can take, and let’s face it, there is only so much screaming that people will do in a dangerous situation.  But back to the main character, he is just so annoying.  The idea is that he is a wise-cracking smartass, but he isn’t done well.  In any of the versions that I have seen.  And also, he is the perfect stalker.  Especially the film version.  In the comics and the cartoons, he has to replace his webbing.  It’s a kind of weakness that he has.  In the film, he can theoretically go for as long as his strength holds out.  Meaning that if he wanted to stalk you, he could do so forever.  He literally could be like the fly on your wall.  If that doesn’t creep you out, ladies, nothing will.

6. Reed Richards
The Fantastic Four
Why are there so many heroes on this list, you ask?  Because they are ANNOYING!  So few of them are genuinely interesting.  Most have the most absurd abilities, and they have the most absurd villains.  For case and point, look no further than the Fantastic Four.  These four are so implausible that it is beyond ridiculous.  But to the character, they couldn’t have possibly made such an absurd character more unlikeable.  Reed Richards is the most effeminate hero who has ever lived.  He doesn’t like to really do much of anything, and it never comes up how many incredibly awesome uses for his ability.  But his whole universe is ridiculous, and this character just has all the warmth and charm of spoiled milk.

5. Arnold Schwarzenegger
Here’s another actor who is going to get me a lot of hatemail.  Well you know what?  I don’t care!  I hate this guy.  I have everything he has ever done.  When I was watching Predator, I was rooting for the Predator.  I wanted it to tear his head off!  All the stupid one-liners, all the over the top action.  I don’t get what guys see to like about this dude.  He can’t speak well, he can’t act.  Nothing he has ever done has been even remotely convincing.  It has been like watching a fish try and sing.  It is the worst.  I hate the man, and every single film that he has ever done.  I hope he disappears from film forever.  The reason that I picked him, the actor, instead of a role is because I hate them all equally, it is like listening to a cow try and recite Shakespeare.  It’s the same with David Boreanaz, who you will see in a couple rates.  I would have done Keira Knightley in my companion post to this, but honestly, she has had a couple of roles that actually worked.  But yeah, this Austrian nightmare is the bane of my existence.

4. Tidus
Final Fantasy X
Now, I am putting a video game character on here as a precursor to a post I am going to be doing about the most annoying video game characters, but I thought it was worth mentioning.  Tidus is a bitch.  He is.  He has no redeemable qualities about him.  He isn’t a good leader.  He isn’t particularly strong, or strong-willed.  He has no real talents of any kind.  All he does throughout this entire game is bitch about his predicament in life, his past, his problems with his father, and having to do much of anything.  Even when he finally steps up to become a stronger person, he still is a whiny little bitch.  The only reason this character was even useful to play as was for his speed and Overdrives.  There was nothing to like about this whiny little bitch.  When he died in the end, that was awesome.  Granted, he does come back, and right at the very end was the only time he actually had balls, and accepted death with a great deal of coolness, but that was too little too late.

3. David Boreanaz
Here is another actor who I just cannot stand.  Why?  For the same reason as I don’t like Tidus – he’s a whiny little bitch!  In Buffy, he played the vampire Angel, and the only time he was interesting was when he was evil.  In Bones, he plays an FBI agent who is also a whiny little bitch.  A lot of people will reference the action sequences he is in, but you know what, screw that!  Being able to fight is meaningless when one doesn’t have the balls to back it up.  It’s like adding a ray-gun to a goat.  You can’t make that cool.  A lot of dedicated fan-girls are going to call me out on this, but screw them.  This guy had all the rich emotional texture of a jar of mayonnaise, and I love that Family Guy was able to make fun of him in their Christmas special.  That was a vidicating moment to me.  But yeah, this guy is just the worst.  Well, not the worst, as you can infer from his ranking, but he is pretty bad.

2. Xander Harris
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
This is another instance of Joss Whedon having a lot of good ideas, and a VERY poor delivery.  This was one of what had to be at least six characters who could have been written out of the show and it wouldn’t have made any difference.  This guy was supposed to be the comic relief of the series (one of many), but he really added NOTHING to the series.  He wasn’t a pivotal character in any instance.  He saved the world at the end of season 6, but honestly, I think they just shoe-horned him in there for no reason.  His jokes aren’t funny, he brings no powers or skills of any kind to the table.  Really, this character offered nothing.  And when they gave him a girlfriend who served even less of a role, that just made it worse!  All the cheesy and stupid arguments that happened between the two of them, along with the cheesy dialogue and the cheesy drama.  It was all so annoying.  This guy is definitely one of the worst, and nobody will miss him.

But all of these characters are as nothing compared to what is coming now.  This is a tie for the first spot, and for damn good reason.  Never before have two characters been written who are this annoying.

1. Edward AND Jacob
Twilight (and all the subsequent movies)
It is kind of poetic that Bella was my number 1 pick on the couterpart list to this, and now, here are her two love interests.  Both of these guys couldn’t be more annoying if they tried.  Like Will Turner, they weren’t picked for acting talent (of any kind) or anything else.  It is dead-clear that these two are just eye-candy.  But let’s examine these guys.  Looking at the film version, while he is clingy and a total creeper, it is show that Edward is a total tool of Bella.  He has problems of his own, but Bella is manipulative, bossy, stupid, and a total dumbass in distress.  Those two and their creepy issues almost seem made for one-another.
But as weird and pathetic as Edward is, he is as nothing compared to his counter-part love interest, Jacob.  If Edward is a tool, then Jacob is a garage.  He openly accepts Bella’s manipulation of both of them.  He even accepts that she is using him for intimacy when Edward breaks up with her (yeah, and it was so convincing too).  This guy tries to do right by this girl, never once realizing how pathetic he looks because he accepts that she is using him.  This guy is every stupid jock metaphor in the book.  Edward is every creepy stalker metaphor in the book.  And they are, by leaps and bounds, the most ANNOYING male leads ever.

Until next time, a quote,

“And by god, how can she turn down a guy with no personality who just looks at her weird?”  -Doug Walker, Top 11 Dumbasses in Distress

Peace out,

Maverick

Top Ten Most ANNOYING Female Leads

There have been a lot of good women who had done amazing things with film.  I am a guy, and even I am sometimes entranced by a female lead in a romantic film.  It’s happened.  I loved, and still love Chocolat.  Mostly because of the fact that chocolate and atheism wins over religious stupidity, but hey, there have been worse reasons to love something.  But, the fact is that where there is a really inspiration and really good female lead, there are some awful, and I mean god-awful female leads that just make you want to hang yourself!

Here is my list paying tribute, along with wishing death, for all the female leads who just annoyed the living shit out of me!  And hopefully most of all of you too!

10. Elizabeth Swann
Pirates of the Caribbean
Okay, this is a character who really served no purpose in these films.  In the third film, they tried to make her a kind of badass character, but after having been nothing more than a whiny damsel in distress for the first movie, and just fucking whiny in the second, it was too little, too late.  She brought nothing of any value to the story, and the fact is that she actually took away from the quality of the films.  In the first movie, she was just a romantic who had a kink for pirates.  In the second, she was a back-stabbing bitch, and come the third, not only was she not sorry for her actions, but she manipulates even more people!  She even cheats on her dream guy and then basically says, “I’m a cheating whore, marry me!”  And of course, the dumbass did, even though he saw her cheating on him.  I am not all the much of a fan of Keira Knightley.  She is boring, predictable, and really not good at showing any emotion that wasn’t just grading on your ears.  Here is a character who should have gone down with the ship.

9. Lisa Cuddy
House M.D.
Here is a character who was cast looking for one thing, and what they got was something else altogether.  Cuddy is supposed to be the inevitable love-interest of Greg House, the title character.  It was so obvious that she was going to get with him, but by the time they got there, we really just didn’t care.  She was annoying, really annoying.  Her voice was annoying, her pathetic attempts to look like she cared about what was going on was annoying, and most of what she did the entire series was bitch about pointless junk.  It got really nerve-grating after a while to listen to her whiny tone of voice ragging on House for things that we all knew he was going to do!  She was never all the interesting to watch, and she never left a lasting impression.  All in all, she was a dean of medicine who seemed to be a part of the wallpaper.

8. Irene Adler
Sherlock Holmes (2009)
Now, this incarnation of this character in-particular was so unbelievably annoying.  I have never had any real love for Rachel McAdams.  In this movie, we all found out why.  Not only was she a disgrace to the character that she was meant to portray, but every word that came out of her mouth, along with the pathetic attempts to mess with people just left you feeling like somebody was scratching their nails on a chalkboard.  The character of Irene Adler is supposed to be cool, classy, sexy, smart.  The Adler in this movie sounded like a blonde bimbo who just happened to get lucky in her life.  Nothing about her character ever implied that she had a great deal of intelligence.  Had it not been for Watson saying that she had gotten the better of Holmes, I never would have believed that she would have.  She just seemed to be a whiny hussy who just bitched and got captured a lot.  A disgraceful performance of what is supposed to be a cool character.

7. Asuka Langley Soryu
Neon Genesis Evangelion
Here is another character that I get what they were trying to go for, but the end delivery was just ANNOYING!  She was supposed to play the really gung-ho pilot what was in love with herself, but all that narcissism was just a defense mechanism to hide some really serious self-esteem and mental issues.  She was also supposed to have a love-hate relationship with the main character, Shinji.  On the surface, that all sounds really good.  It all sounds like it would be kind of fun to watch.  But it is the delivery of this character that sinks that boat incredibly fast.  Both the original and the dubbed version are equally annoying.  She whines and bitches about everything.  By the time they finally do decide to develop her, you want to sew her whiny mouth shut and keep hoping that she is going to die.  They did make her compassion towards Shinji look believeable, but that was the only saving grace of a character who was supposed to bring some pretty substantial subjects to the table, and instead brought a prima donna attitude and no substance.

6. Elizabeth Bennet
Pride and Prejudice (2005)
Another role where the delivery is not only a million times different than the source material, but it is also killed by the person playing it.  In the novel, Elizabeth is a smart, clever, witty, charming, but still kind of judgmental woman.  In the BBC miniseries, they captured this rather well.  However, in the film, she is as much of a whiny prima donna as Asuka is.  And the performance of Keira Knightley just makes what was supposed to be a character that we all saw as defying societal norms just seem like a whiny little bitch who should just get with the guy so we can all hear her stop talking.  I know people who just love this performance, but what is there to like about it?  Knightley is just so terrible!  She complains, bitches, never seems to do anything of merit, and never shows any sign of being very smart.  She is just another prima donna who we all want to strangle!

5. Relena Peacecraft
Gundam Wing
Here is a character who brought absolutely nothing to the table.  I mean, I guess that maybe she was supposed to be one of the main male lead’s love interest, but all of the interactions that are had with her hinting at there being an attraction are really just blown away by the fact that she is so annoying!  I compare it to Winry Rockbell in Fullmetal Alchemist.  She was a little annoying, but her attraction to Edward Elric was clear, and while they could have stood to develop it more, you got very strong indications that she cared about him, probably even was in love with him.  It added to the story.  Relena, on the other hand, isn’t a whiny prima donna, she is just pouty.  She is always crying about peace.  Peace this, and peace that.  It took away from the greater tragedies that were unfolding in the series when we had to go and listen to her talk about how great peace is, and how bad war is.  She never looks at the greater societal issues, or examines what gets us to fighting, just talks about how fighting never solves anything, which is bullshit.  She could have been erased from the show, and it wouldn’t have been much of a loss.  Peace never got her anywhere but in trouble, only to be another dumbass in distress.

4. Faye Valentine
Cowboy Bebop
Here is a character who I am actually a little torn about.  Granted, she is on this list because she REALLY annoys, but there were times when she actually brought something to the table, and she was kind of cool to watch sometimes.  But she was annoying.  From the moment she gets with the crew of the Bebop, she is a whiny prima donna who does nothing but rob them, then comes back to them later and basically gets not attacks or even having them angry at her.  The crew treats her like an annoying house guest, even when she steals from them, attacks them, vandalizes their property, cheats them out of money, and at one point tries to kill them.  The lack of aggressive response to her actions is just nerve grating, and after a while, you really start to wish some serious death upon her person.  Add to that the fact that she is hardly developed at all.  One could make the same argument about Ed, but she is a teenager.  Not a lot of development is needed, because she is young, and she played her role rather well.  With Faye, she was just an annoyance who helped with the plot every now and again.  I would have blown her brains out, but that’s just me.

3. Willow Rosenberg (early in the series)
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Now, I think it is really important to point out that this character became a hell of a lot cooler later in the series, when she got some real power, and some real dilemmas.  But when it started, she was just the nerdy and annoying friend of the annoying title character.  Honestly, I was tempted to put Buffy on here, because she is really a pain in the ass, but the fact is that while Buffy was annoying, she actually served a purpose.  For the first three seasons (well, up until close to the end of the third), all Willow did was get in trouble, and get saved.  She had no skills, no talents, no real use for anything.  For that matter, neither did Xander, but he’s a guy, and we’re talking about the ladies.  You can bet that when I do the male equivalent, he will be on that list.  But for the most part, up until the fourth season, she just kind of got on my nerves.  This show kind of sucked until the third season, when it got a pretty badass villain, and it actually took itself serious.  Joss Whedon had a bad habit of making shows that are great on paper, but the delivery is crap.  He’s a good writer, but a lot of his shows suck.  Go figure.  And annoying characters like Willow didn’t help.  If you want to see the really good parts with her in it, watch when she is evil at the end of the sixth season.  I really wish that had gone more of somewhere, but oh well.

2. Rita Bennett
Dexter
I don’t think that anybody liked this character.  I think Julie Benz is a terrible actress.  She has butchered every single performance that she has ever done, and this one was the worst!  In this series, you get to see why she is such a terrible actress, and why this character is just so awful!  She is manipulative, a complete prima donna, whiny, bitchy, and whenever she doesn’t get her way, she treats everybody (including her own children), like shit.  I get the idea, that she was supposed to be Dexter’s connection with his decency, but he never seemed to particularly care, and the audience hated her.  The best moment in the show was the one where she died!  I remember all my friends and I cheering!  We started drunken song at the death of Rita.  She brought nothing of substance to the series, and the performance was just awful.  Love the show, hate the girl.  It is good that she died.  Ironically, every single aspect got better with her death, even her annoying kids!

And the number one leading lady who just annoying the living shit out of every single person is…

1. Bella Swan
Twilight
I’ve already covered the pathetic, whiny, spineless, and boring character from the books.  Here, I am going to focus on the character in the films.  There has never been in teenage cinema a character more selfish, dependent, uncaring, manipulative, narcissitic, pretentious, stupid, and whiny little bitch before!  The worst part about all of the horrible qualities of her character is that it wasn’t intentional.  They wanted Bella to represent any teenage girl.  But that isn’t what happened.  She’s the real vampire of this series.  She doesn’t have a single problem in the world, yet bitches about how tortured she is.  She gets a crush on a guy, and at 17 decides that she is in love and wants to marry him.  Yes, because we all know exactly what we are supposed to do at 17, right?  Wrong!  When the loser boyfriend Edward dumps her in order to save her, she then manipulates him by putting her life in danger, over and over, just so he’ll notice her.  Manipulative much, bitch?!  She jumps off a cliff to get his attention!  Not only that, but it is a horrible lesson to give to the dimwitted throng of teenage girls who admire this shit.
And when Jacob, a guy who actually seems to care about her and want to take care of her gets involved, she dumps him for the guy who treated her like shit, just so she could use him!  A war starts all because of her, and when all these people are fighting to protect her, she doesn’t care!  She doesn’t give a shit!  And when she finally pressures Edward into marrying her, she then fucks around with Jacob!  And this wasn’t the first time she cheated on her guy with him.  This girl is not only scum, she’s a slut!  What do girls like about her?  She isn’t a hero, she’s a villain.  And she is a horrible lesson to give to teenage girls about what a teen girl is supposed to be.  Mothers, tell your daughters to avoid these films, and the books too, at all costs.  They are fucking dumb!

Until next time, a quote,

“Alice. You’ve disappeared. Like everything else. Now who else can I talk to? I’m lost. When you left, and he left, you took everything with you. But the absence of him is everywhere I look. It’s like a huge hole has been punched through my chest. But In a way, I’m glad. The pain is the only reminder that he was real. That you all were.”  -Bella Swan

Peace out,

Maverick